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He nodded stiffly. “We looked,” he repeated it again. “The police looked. But, after interviewing your parents, they thought—”
“That I ran away?” she interrupted. “They took one look at the shitty trailer, the shitty human beings addicted to opiates and booze, saw the fact there was a high chance that they beat their kid, and figured I ran? That I’d made the choice to leave on my own? That I’d turn up maybe, after I’d gotten too hungry, run out of whatever money I’d managed to steal?”
Orion had gone through those scenarios. Not in the hours after she’d been taken. Not days. Not even months. No, she didn’t have the presence of mind to think such things. She didn’t have much of a mind at all. It had been broken, shattered, shredded.
Years later she’d thought of that. The years in which no police had knocked down the door looking for them. And she recognized what it did to her faith in police, in authority.
It’s a theory she’d managed to cobble together. Most girls taken would be missed. The world might’ve been sad and ugly, but not that ugly. Most young girls had someone, even if it wasn’t parents. A sibling. A grandmother. Friend. A teacher. Someone would miss them. They’d be pumped out on TV screens, their loved ones doing news interviews, meeting Oprah, and writing books. And those girls, found or not, are remembered, celebrated. Girls like Shelby. Orion had no one, and she was forgotten almost as soon as she was taken. Yet, she didn’t envy Shelby. She enjoyed the isolation.
Of course, some of them were taken out of pure opportunity. Not many from privileged backgrounds. Loving parents. They never lasted long. Apart from Mary Lou, of course, who knew just what to say, and when to say it. She made herself essential, for the most part, in keeping the new girls calm. It didn’t work for most of them—Shelby was sure to go at some point in the not so distant future had they not escaped—but girls like Orion and Jaclyn, they listened to Mary Lou, they bided their time.
Maddox gritted his teeth. “That’s what the sheriff’s department said. Your parents mentioned the mental hospital stay, and—”
“I still can’t believe they fucking told them that.” She cut him off, angry, her face turning red from both embarrassment and rising blood pressure. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. I was twelve when I tried it, and I didn’t even want to die. I just didn’t want to live in their fucking house, under their bullshit rules, in complete fucking misery.”
Orion hadn’t told anyone about that. Not even April. She’d just said she got appendicitis and then she’d gotten an infection, hence not being able to see her for weeks. Shame had cloaked her like the straight jacket she’d learned was a myth after her stay there. Doctors had tried to manipulate things out of her, but in a bored way, honestly. They weren’t exactly surprised a girl like Orion had found her mother’s valium and took a handful to see what would happen.
Maddox put his hands up defensively. “Please, Orion, I’m just trying to explain to you what happened, as far as I know it. I was a kid then. I didn’t know my ass from my elbow. All I knew was, this girl that I was crazy about went missing without a trace, and I didn’t really believe she’d just up and run away.” His face read sincerity, his emotions starting to show through. “It’s why I joined the force. It’s why I never stopped looking for you. I wanted to save you.”
“Well, you certainly didn’t save me,” Orion said, suddenly close to fainting, or throwing a chair across the room. Both of those would betray emotions she didn’t want to show. She needed a bed. Some silence.
She didn’t wait for a response, didn’t wish to continue the conversation. Instead, she turned on her heel, opened the door, and walked out of the room.
Jaclyn was waiting there, right outside.
She didn’t say anything, didn’t ask if she was okay. That was a stupid fucking question. Neither of them was okay.
“I feel like eating a steak,” Jaclyn declared, leading Orion down the hallway. “And after taking a glimpse at that GoFundMe thing, I think we can afford as many steaks as our little hearts desire. What do you say? Should we figure out how to UberEats ourselves a big fat chunk of cow? Eric said the department is hooking us up with those iPhones.”
Orion let out a breath of relief, tried to smile. “Yeah,” she said, tiredness leeching into the single word. “That sounds nice.”
Jaclyn nodded as they reached the front door. Maddox came up quickly behind them, the thump of his boots rebounding in Orion’s skull. She ignored him.
