AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Of course.”
As always, Michael is the calming force. I’m not ashamed of Nathan or Crew. In fact, I feel amazed almost daily that all of these men fell in love with me and not only want to be with me but are willing to face what our unconventional relationship brings into our lives.
But I just really hadn’t thought through the idea that peopleherewould know. I guess I’d thought maybe I’d just be one man’s girlfriend this week and it would be…easy.
Michael kisses me again, then takes my hand and leads me back into the ballroom. We cross the room, winding through clusters of people. He smiles and greets several, but we don’t stop to talk to anyone. He takes me to the bar and gets us each a glass of champagne.
Then he takes me to meet two of the couples who we’ll be sitting with at dinner. They are friendly and say it’s a pleasure to meet me. Both men are sports medicine physicians, so the men start talking about some new technique for thumb sprains that they’ve all tried with varying levels of success.
I see the curiosity in the women’s eyes when they look at me, but they stick to asking about my bookstore and the amazing season the Racketeers are having. They do mention Crew’s name—it’s impossible to talk about the Racketeers season without mentioning Crew McNeill—and I feel a surge of pride, but none of us say anything about him being one of my boyfriends.
Not even me.
And I feel weird about it.
Very weird. And guilty. And awkward. Because I want to say how much I love him and how proud I am, but that also doesn’t really fit in the conversation.
The whole thing just gives me a sick feeling.
After about thirty minutes, we all move into another huge ballroom that’s been set up for dinner. We’re seated with these four, as Michael said, along with another couple.
Conversation continues to be pleasant and superficial.
About half-way through the meal, I reach into my clutch for an ibuprofen tablet and glance at my phone, wondering if I can quickly, surreptitiously check the score of Crew’s game going on at this very moment.
I nearly weep with relief and joy to find that I have new text messages. Something to focus on other than the conversation going on around the table.
All three couples have kids that they’re telling stories about. All three couples have been skiing together recently. All three couples have some hilarious story to share–a disastrous DIY home project, a new puppy, or their kindergartner telling the teacher about mommy and daddy having sex in the laundry room.
I’ve been watching Michael. He’s the same age as these people. Would he like to go skiing with these friends? If we did, would Nathan and Crew come? Would they be okay with us going without them? A vacation is a little different than a medical conference where Michael is a presenter. Does Michael wish he had kids by now? Would he like a dog? Nathan wouldn’t. I know for a fact Crew would, even without asking. But does Crew want kids? Because it doesn’t matter if only Michael wants kids. There arethreemen in my life who have to want the same thing.
And if we do have kids, the stories those children might tell their kindergarten teacher could be doozies. Just having four of us sitting down at parent-teacher conferences will likely be an adjustment for everyone.
I take two ibuprofens and wash them down with champagne.
Michael notices. He leans over. “You okay?” he asks, quietly.
I give him a smile and nod. I don’t want him to know I’m spiraling when he’s trying so hard to make me comfortable. There’s no way to go into kids, dogs, and skiing right now anyway.
He settles his hand on my thigh under the table, but he tunes back into the conversation about an article he contributed to a sports medicine journal three months ago about hip injuries in hockey goalies.
I listen with curiosity and a sense of bewilderment. I didn’t know he wrote papers like that or that he was published in medical journals. And we were together three months ago. I know he sits on the couch with me while I read and write my romances. I guess I haven’t paid as much attention to what he’s doing as he does to what I’m doing.
That makes me feel bad, too.
Feeling like less than an A+ girlfriend and all mixed up about things like vacations, couple friends, and parent-teacher conferences, I pull my phone out and see messages from Nathan.
Miss you.
That’s all the first one says, but it still makes my heart flip in my chest.
It’s just between him and me, rather than in our group chat that includes Crew and Michael.
God, I miss him too. I always miss my guys when we’re apart. When they’re out of town for games and such, I enjoy time with Luna or even just on my own, but I’m always ready to see them. This feels different, though. Tonight I’m feeling…off, I guess. This isn’t going the way I expected and I’m not comfortable. Whether it’s the other people’s reactions to me or mine to them, I’m feeling flustered. Or maybe it just really is so weird for there to be only two of us here.
I miss you too. So much.
Are you alright?
