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I shrug, even though she’s right. I’ve been scrolling through social media every single day. While I hope that I see glimpses of what he’s up to, most of the time I hope I don’t.
The last thing I want is to see pictures of Tyler with women hanging off his arms. I don’t want to look at pictures of him doing party drugs and knowing that his life could end. I don’t want to see the monster White Hot made him.
I only want to see the man I keep falling in love with. The man who sits with me on the beach and writes songs. The same man who dances with me at clubs and then helps teach children guitar.
What I want is the man I know Tyler is and not the person he tries to be.
I should have stayed to talk to him. I should have trusted him not to hurt me. Maybe I didn’t give him enough time to talk to Keaton and Tony.
My phone starts ringing for the fifth time today, Tyler’s name flashing across the screen. Paige looks at me, an eyebrow arching.
“You know, you could just talk to him and sort this entire thing out.”
The butterflies in my stomach go wild. “I know, but I don’t know what to say. Not yet. Part of me just wants to go back to a normal life, but my life didn’t feel normal until he was back in it again.”
Paige leans against me. “I think you have your answer.”
I groan and pull the blanket up over my head. When I drop it down, the phone starts ringing again. Tyler’s name keeps flashing there.
“It feels like we’re repeating history, Paige.” I rub my hand over the ache in my chest, trying to ease it. “What if I answer and things haven’t changed? What if he’s calling to tell me that there are pictures that are going to come out? Pictures of him with other women? I know nothing is going on between us right now, but I don’t know if I can handle that.”
Paige shrugs. “I doubt that’s why he’s calling. I may not like the guy that much, but anyone with eyes can see how much he loves you.”
Except he never said that he loves me. All he said was that he loved me eight years ago.
“I just need a little more time.” I get up, my stomach lurching. Bile rises in my throat and I race for the bathroom.
The tile is cold against my skin as I kneel in front of the toilet. As I empty the contents of my stomach, Paige squeezes into the small room with me. She pulls my hair back, her hand rubbing soothing circles up and down my spine.
“I think you need to relax,” she says gently. “If you’re getting this sick from being stressed out, then it’s time to go out anddo something fun. Something that isn’t going to make you think about Tyler.”
“It’s not just about Tyler,” I say as I lean back against the cold side of the tub. I shove my hair back from my sweaty forehead and look up at Paige. “It’s mainly about him, but it’s also about everything I’m losing. Tyler and the boys wanted me back with the band, but they hadn’t discussed it with the White Hot execs at all. And then when it was brought up in front of the exec, he said no.”
Paige rubs my shoulders from where she sits on the edge of the tub. I groan and close my eyes, tilting my head back. Waves of nausea continue to crash over me. I feel like I’m going to throw up again, but nothing comes up.
“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore.” My voice wavers as tears well up. I ball my hands into fists, digging my nails into my skin.
Tyler doesn’t deserve more of my tears.
Except, I want to cry. I want to scream and throw things and be mad. I want to feel everything that I’ve been feeling for the last eight years. Letting all that out now won’t do any good. I knew that then and I know it now. All I need to do is focus on moving forward with my life.
I take a deep breath and push myself off the bathroom floor. After brushing my teeth and braiding my hair back from my face, I follow Paige back into the living room. My phone starts vibrating on the coffee table.
An unknown number appears on the screen and my heart sinks to my feet. Even though I have nothing to say to Tyler, there was still a part of me that hoped he was calling again. I might haveanswered this time. I might have told him that I wanted to see him and figure things out.
But I don’t know if I can. He keeps putting his career first, even though he’s already made it. He doesn’t always have to bend to the will of the label. He could have chosen me.
Though, things are never that clear.
“Hello?” I sit down on the couch with the phone pressed to my ear. Paige makes her way into the kitchen, pulling out something from the freezer to make for dinner.
“Hi, Cassie Wyman?” a female says, her voice cheery. “This is Joelle North calling. I’m an event planner and I was wondering if you had a few minutes to talk.”
I settle back into the couch and pull the blanket back into my lap. “Sure.”
“I was at your show a couple weeks ago and you were amazing. I have a charity event coming up for disadvantaged youth and I was wondering if you would be willing to come and perform.”
Immediately, my wanders to Tyler and the household he was raised in. What could money from a charity have done for him if he was younger?”
