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I sat back in my chair, stunned. Somehow in the buzz of the festival, the spirit of Blaire’s Christmas cheer, and the warmth of the bedsheets, I had forgotten at the root just how incompatible Blaire and I were.
The ice in Blaire’s eyes started to melt, and I opened my mouth to say something, anything, to try to salvage this.
Blaire shook her head.
“Cole, you’re leaving in just a matter of days. So, start the leaving now and go.”
I couldn’t find anything in myself to argue with that. I stood slowly, my eyes locked on hers as I took a step toward Blaire and bent at the waist to place a kiss on the crown of her head, pausing with my eyes closed to allow my other senses to take over, to feel the softness of her hair against my cheek, to inhale her scent deep into my lungs, to hear her breath hitch as she leaned forward to rest her head against my chest.
Finally, I made myself pull back and walked to the counter to grab my coat and messenger bag. I paused at the door to look back over my shoulder, who wiped her eyes quickly when she saw my movement. She raised her hand in a wave and I nodded in response, before pulling the door shut and making my way down those stairs one final time.
I peaked in the window of Jitters, knowing Susie would be on alert to see when and who came out of the apartment first. I offered her a wave of thanks, but apparently my face betrayed not all had gone well, as Susie’s hopeful face fell, and she crossed her arms at her chest, giving me a sympathetic nod before I continued walking back to my car, back to Winterberry Glen, back to my boxes, and back to my predetermined life.
Chapter 29
Christmas Eve
Cole
I now knew first-hand the meaning of the phrase “very slowly, then all at once.” That was the best way to describe the impact Blaire had on my life. I had spent so much time with my walls up, trying to ignore the way she made me feel when she was around, but once I had given in, my world had changed all at once. And then again, after our “mutual ending,” it turned out my world changed in an instant. I should have been able to shake it off and get back to packing and preparing for my move, but I found myself sitting in place, staring at the wall, some belonging or another in my hand, open and mostly empty boxes surrounding me.
The last thing I felt like doing tonight was having Christmas Eve dinner, but my mom insisted that this would be the most magical evening for me to meet her new manfriend—I refused to even think the term boyfriend in relation to my mother—Tom, so here I was, sitting in my childhood living room, which was all decked out in holiday spirit, while Christmas classics played from the speaker on the mantel.
That was another thing that had changed slowly and then all at once—my mom had been working on herself in silence for so long that I hadn’t noticed the changes, but now that she’d let me in on her secret, it was like she was a completely different woman. Yes, she was still the loving Italian woman who would call me on my shit and make sure my plate was never empty until I was literally bursting, but she was also lighter and freer somehow. I think Tom had a lot to do with that.
I was sitting in a different chair, still staring at the wall, nursing a Christmas Ale, the cheer even having taken over our alcohol choices, when Mom came into the living room from the kitchen.
“Tom’s finishing up on the last of the seven fishes, so we should be ready to eat soon. I tried to tell the man we’ve never eaten the feast of seven fishes on Christmas Eve before and we’d be okay not doing so now, but he insisted.”
The swoony look in Mom’s eye told me how happy she was to have someone make an extreme effort in something, even after she had told him not to. That’s absolutely what she deserved and it made me feel a bit better about leaving her behind, knowing Tom would be here—but hopefully not here, in this house, all the time, here—when I was gone.
“That sounds great, Mom. The smells are...interesting, but I’m sure it’ll all be delicious.”
“While we have a few minutes, why don’t you tell me why you’re sitting out here looking like a lump of coal instead of my Cole? Ready to move to the big city and take on a new adventure?”
“Wow, Mom, real original, never heard that one before.”
I had actually heard that one before. I was pretty sure it was one of the Christmas-themed insults Blaire lobbed at me last spring. I took another swig of beer to try to hide the grimace thinking of her brought on.
“Yes, that right there. What’s that face about, son? Are you not excited about the new job anymore?”
“No, I am. Well, I think I am? I don’t know. I’m not really sure what I’m doing anymore, Mom.”
“Ah, so the girl did give you another reason to think about staying then, didn’t she?”
I looked at my mom, wondering how in the world she knew about the fallout with Blaire. Could she read my mind tonight as a weird Christmas party trick?
“Come on, Cole. Give me a little credit. I did raise you. You’ve never caught feelings before, and this is a new level of melancholy, even for you.”
She took a sip of her wine.
“And also, Austin told me the real reason you canceled on dinner last week, not the whole ‘you got caught up at the festival’ as you claimed.”
I felt my cheeks redden slightly to be called out by my mom for canceling dinner with her for a girl. Remind me to murder Austin later.
“Oh, it’s all right. Tom invited me to watch a Christmas movie marathon at his place that night, so I was able to accept the invitation. I told you, I love our weekly dinners and I’ll miss them, but I’ve got Tom in my life now, so it’s not like I’ll be sitting around lonely and waiting for you to call. Now, what happened with the girl?”
I sighed. I guess this was happening.
