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I accept that I have no control over the situation and drop my head on his shoulder. The last place in the world where I should feel safe is cradled in his arms, but somehow, I do.
“Stay with me, Marissa,” John orders. “No sleeping.”
As the elevator comes to another stop, my eyelids flutter open.
John carries me out in his arms, through to what looks like a different floor to the lobby.
“Breathe,” John murmurs close to my ear. “It will pass. You only need to eat some food.”
A few more steps and John kicks a door open, depositing me on an examination bed.
Suddenly deprived of his body heat, I shiver uncontrollably.
“It’s okay.” He’s at my side in an instant, covering me with a blanket. “Here, eat this.” He passes me a granola bar.
I take a quick bite, the sugar immediately flooding my system and making my head less spinny.
“I’m fine.” I try to get off the bed and out of John’s presence. Not because I’m particularly eager to get away from him, but exactly because I’m not. Been there, done that. I don’t care for a repeat.
John gently, but firmly, holds me in place with a hand on my sternum. “Eat.”
I take another bite and then ask, “Do you always carry these around in case one of your patients swoons at your feet, Dr. Smoldering?”
Okay, maybe I’m not fine, because that sounded an awful lot as if I was flirting with Johnny Raikes, which I wouldn’t do, not for love nor money.
“I have had no swoons since moving,” he says, his lips parting in a smile so open, so sincere. So familiar and yet so different. But above all, so dangerous. Dangerous for the way it makes my heart trip over itself in my chest. That’s my smile. The one he used to reserve for me and wouldn’t let anyone else see.
I close my eyes as the sensation of warmth pools in my center. The present and the past merging into the unknown.
“Do I make you uncomfortable, Marissa?”
I keep my eyes shut. “Yes.” That one small admission releases a barrage of emotions—fear, longing, anger, sadness, and a strange sense of excitement—that bombard me with such force I’m left breathless, my heart thumping uncomfortably in my chest.
“Look at me.”
When I comply, I find myself looking into two deep blue pools.
“We can’t have that,” he says, serious. “You’re safe with me.”
I swallow, the air in my lungs growing thin. “I don’t believe you, John.”
He grabs my hand over the blanket. “I promise to work hard until you believe in me again, Mari. I messed up, I did everything wrong last time. But I’m not running away this time. I’m launching myself straight into the fight. I’ll have enough faith for the both of us.”
“I’m really tired,” I hear myself say, as my head drops onto the thin mattress.
“You’ve earned a nap,” he says, caressing the hair away from my forehead. “I’ll be here when you wake.”
23
JOHN
After a lot of coaxing and overcoming of stubborn objections, I convince Marissa to share a cab back to her place after her hour-long nap.
When the car pulls up in front of her brownstone—not in our old neighborhood, but not far from it either—she insists on paying for the ride. Pigheaded woman. She throws a bunch of bills at the cab driver and tells him to keep the change and then waits until the taxi has disappeared before turning to me with a sour expression on her face.
“Are you going to go back to your place now?” is the first thing out of her mouth.
“Nope,” I say. “I’m going to get you inside. Make sure you have a healthy meal other than a granola bar and that you are not going to pass out again before I leave.”
