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“I don’t want Nora to get the wrong idea.”
“Nora? Or me?”
“Both of you. I don’t want you or her to get fabricated ideas we’re going to suddenly turn into a happy family.”
“And I explained it to her. She knows we’re only friends for the moment—”
“Forever.”
“—but you’re going to be the mother of her little brother or sister, which means you’ll be in her life regardless. I want Nora to get to know her sibling and for them to spend time together, no matter what our situation is. Would that be okay with you?”
“To allow Nora into my life? Yes. It’s you I’m not sure about.”
“Why not?”
Marissa takes a step back, then she moves to the other end of the couch to lean against the backrest only to spring up a second later. As if she doesn’t know what to do with herself, let alone what to say.
“You know why,” she says in the end.
“Because you hate me?”
She stares at me in the near darkness. “I don’t hate you.”
“I know.” I take a step toward her. “The problem is how little you hate me.” Her brows knit, but she stays her ground as I take another step forward. “In fact, I think you want to kiss me right now.”
“What makes you say that?” She sounds agitated, unsettled.
“The way your gaze keeps dropping to my mouth.”
Her eyes immediately lower to my lips, making a pulse of adrenaline jolt through my veins.
She’s so busted. Marissa looks like a deer caught in the headlights, trapped between wanting to kiss me and hating that she wants it so much. I have to change that, to make her see I’m not the enemy. That she can let go. That she’s safe with me.
I smile, making her gaze snap back up to meet mine.
“Don’t deny it.” My voice is low and thick with emotion as I raise my hand and lift her chin up with my finger so that I can stare directly at her. “I can see it in your eyes.”
“I might still be attracted to you, or want to kiss you.” Marissa’s words come out in a breathless rasp. “In time, I could even go back to loving you, but the problem remains, John…” She pauses as if unsure of what words to use. “I will never trust you again.”
The declaration sinks into my heart like a double-edged knife.
It’s my fault.
I did this.
The way I treated her, the way I treated myself. I hurt us both.
“I’m sorry.” I wrap my arms around her and pull her to me. She doesn’t resist me. “But never is a long time, Mayer.” I kiss her forehead. “I’ll earn your trust back.”
“How?”
“By showing up every day.”
“You showed up every day for three years and then just disappeared in a cloud of dust.”
My stomach hurts with guilt. My heart is breaking all over again. I made a mistake. I was young and stupid. But I’m not an idiot anymore. Happiness is staring me in the face and I won’t let it slip through my fingers again.
“Three years is nothing. We have a lifetime ahead of us for me to prove myself to you.” I cup her cheek and lower my face so that my lips hover above hers. I look into her eyes and wait for two full seconds before continuing, “Tell me you want me to kiss you.”
