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“No.”
I drop my forehead on hers. “I can’t kiss you if you don’t tell me you want it as much as I do.”
She sighs. “It’s not about just wanting it.”
“I know.”
“I don’t know if I can forgive you.”
Still, she doesn’t move or pull away.
“Tell me what I have to do, Marissa, tell me and I’ll do it.”
I’m begging, begging to be given a second chance. I’m this close to dropping to my knees and begging for real.
Her voice is barely above a whisper now. “I’m not sure there is anything you can do.”
“There has to be something,” I whisper.
“I need time.”
No! No more wasted time. The words echo in my head. I feel like I might die if I don’t kiss her now. But she’s right. I can’t force things to happen at my pace. If she says it’s too soon, then it is. I pull her into a hug and whisper into her hair, “You have time, Mari. However long you want. I’ll wait for you, forever if I have to.”
33
MARISSA
John’s breath is a warm caress on the side of my face. It smells like candy and first love. We’re standing too close. The air between us is crackling. My skin burning.
He makes to release me from the hug, but I’m not ready to let him go. Instead of allowing him to pull away, I clench my arms around his waist.
He chuckles into my neck. “I forgot you’re a snuggles hoarder.”
“Only because I’m cold,” I say.
He tightens the embrace, pressing us even closer together, making me feel every heartbeat we share.
I rest my cheek on his chest, listening to the tempo of his heart. The need to believe I’m still in there is stronger than ever.
John rests his chin on the top of my head. And we stand in his living room holding each other in the dark.
The more time that passes, the more comfortable I get wrapped up in his arms, in his scent, in his warmth.
I look up at him, my eyes searching his. Could I really trust him again? As my gaze explores his chiseled features, I let my hands explore his body. I trail my fingertips up his chest, around his neck, sinking them in the soft hair at the nape and letting the silky locks fall between my fingers.
He looks down at me, standing still like a statue. I’m not even sure he’s breathing right now, but his gaze on me is so intense, so pulsating.
He won’t try to kiss me again or ask. He’s letting me be in charge, but I don’t want to be. I want to give control away. To have someone else decide for me.
I trace his lower lip with a thumb. John’s lids fall closed and he shivers, fighting the urge to touch me back. To take me in the dark. His grip on my hip tightens, gentle but firm. His lips are just a breath away from mine, but he doesn’t close the distance.
“How do I know you won’t break my heart again?” I ask.
“Because I won’t,” he answers, his voice as rough as sandpaper. “Doing it the first time is my biggest regret. If you’ll let me, I can make you happy, Mari.”
“Give me a reason to trust you, now, in this moment. Not in a year or two. How can I?”
“Look at me.” His eyes open, looking like two burning blue diamonds in the night. “You can trust me, Marissa, trust that it would end me to lose you again.”
