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15
JAK. I stopped the rental car at the end of the driveway and waited for the Commander to arrive. I hadn’t slept in forty-eight hours. Regardless of my training and experiences in sleep deprivation, the lack of sleep was wearing on me heavily. I had become even more agitated and short tempered since we had met the previous night. I looked toward the passenger seat at my bag and closed my eyes.
I don’t come to you often, but I’m coming to you now. You started this mess, I didn’t. You put her in my life. I fought wars behind the shield of your name and your grace. I made it out alive, and not by my will. I prayed for you to take my life.
You chose not to.
I’m telling you now, if you take her from me, I’m not going to pray for you to take me. I’ll bow out by my own hand. I’m done with the games. I can’t continue. If she’s my daughter, the world can’t accept me loving her in this way, and I’m incapable of stopping.
It’s not a threat Lord, It’s a promise. I’m not here to negotiate. I’m here to ask forgiveness in advance.
If Karter was my daughter, I couldn’t simply stop loving her. To continue to actively love her would be wrong, and contrary to all things I and everyone of this earth held to be moral. Loving her was not something I had chosen to do, but more a transformation which happened within me. I made no conscious choice to make Karter my lover; I merely allowed her access to my heart. She nestled into place naturally, and there she would always remain.
For me to live and not love Karter would be impossible. Many people on this earth are of the belief they are currently in love. In due time, most will undoubtedly become bored and wander from their existing love to another person and fall in love all over again. Feeling what true love can and does provide allows me to look at those people and their respective relationships with sorrow. I now know true love is not a once in a lifetime blessing, but something only a select few will ever know. Most people on this earth would never experience firsthand the love I felt for Karter.
Therefore, they would not be able to understand why I could not stop loving her.
After tremendous thought and prayer, I decided for me to continue to live on this earth and not have Karter as my lover would be impossible. If I was alive and allowed to wander this earth, I realized I would do so with Karter as my lover or not at all.
I watched in the rearview mirror as his car pulled into the driveway. I unzipped my bag and removed the Sig Saur pistol from the holster. As I rested it in my lap, I inhaled a deep breath. I exhaled slowly as his car came to a stop alongside where I was parked. I rolled down my window, and peered in his direction.
He opened the door to his car and began to step out. I gripped the pistol in my hand and placed my finger against the trigger. As he stepped from the car, he began to speak, “I don’t know what you were hoping for Jak, but I have the results.”
“Stay in the car, Commander,” I demanded in a military-esque voice.
He stopped in his tracks, “Kennedy?”
“That’s right, Commander. Jak’s gone. Kennedy needs an answer, and he needs it now,” I demanded.
My hand in my lap and out of view, I gripped the pistol firmly, “Commander?”
“November Oscar, Kennedy. The DNA is not a match,” he responded.
I sighed and closed my eyes. I tossed the pistol in the bag and removed two marked envelopes and zipped the bag closed. I held my arm out the window with the envelopes gripped tightly in my hand.
“Kennedy?”
“I’ll be back tomorrow,” I sighed.
“Kennedy? God damn it…”
I dropped the envelopes onto the concrete drive and shifted the car in reverse, “Same test, same time frame, Commander.”
As I backed the car from the drive, I momentarily closed my eyes.
One more thing.
Provide me strength
