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While I’d been protecting myself for the past ten years by denying my feelings for Eric, my son—ourson—deserved the truth. “Yes,” I said raggedly. “I loved him very much.”
“But… then why isn’t he here? He didn’t want me?” This was every child’s fear, that their parents didn’t love them unconditionally.
“No!” I said quickly, cutting off that line of thought. “I—I never told him about you. It was me he didn’t want, and it hurt my feelings. And when I found out I was pregnant, I decided I didn’t want him in our lives. He was going off to college, headed for a career playing football. He got stronger, more handsome, and even more popular—he got famous. I guess… I just assumed…” I covered my face with my hands. “I’m so sorry,” I sobbed. “I never should’ve kept you apart.”
Cam tried to peel my hands away, but I couldn’t look him in the eye. I didn’t know how to make this better. My tears were flowing freely now, coating my palms. “Dad,” Cam said firmly. “Do you remember what you told me when I stole that gum from the Q-Cup?”
His question startled me. I remembered it well. It was a few years ago. He’d felt so guilty about stealing the packet of gum from the corner store that he’d come to me crying, admitting what he did. I’d given him a hug, and we walked down the street together to pay for it and to apologize to the shop’s owner. But I couldn’t remember what I’d told him that might apply to my blunder. I lowered my hands and looked at my son, so patient and kind. He could’ve been mad at me, but instead, he was smiling softly.
“You told me that I was human, Dad, and that humans make mistakes. As long as we learn from them, that’s what really matters.”
“I said that?” I asked, and he nodded. “That sounds like some good advice.”
He nodded again, chewing on the inside of his cheek in thought. “When you saw my father last night… did you tell him about me?”
“I did,” I admitted. “And he wants to meet you.”
“He does?” Cam’s eyes lit up a little. “When can I meet him? What’s his name?”
“Your father’s name is Eric Van Leer.”
His mouth popped open in a round O. “Like, the new quarterback for the Comets?”
I gaped at him. “How do you know that?”
Cam shrugged. “When I go over to Nana and Poppy’s house, sometimes I watch football with Poppy, and he teaches me about the game.”
“Uh-huh…” I took a steadying breath. I never told my parents who the father of my baby was, but they weren’t stupid. Eric was always over at our house for study sessions, sometimes staying for dinner. There was no way they hadn’t made assumptions. This whole time, they’d been letting Cam have little peeks of his father. My heart gave a little flutter.
And then, the questions began. “What’s he like? Will I go live with him part-time, like my friend Mikey? His parents are divorced, and his alpha dad has a pool. Do you think Eric has a pool? Do I have to call him Papa?”
I did my best to answer his questions. “I don’t know about the living arrangements, but we’ll talk about it and see how you feel. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Eric’s house is really big, but you’ll have to ask him about the pool. You don’t have to call him Papa, but it’ll be up to you if you change your mind after you get to know him. As far as what he’s like… I-I guess I don’t really know anymore. I’m not the same person I was ten years ago, and it’s a good bet that he isn’t either. You and I can get to know him together. What do you say?”
He nodded, his grin wide and unguarded.
I kissed the top of his head and ruffled his hair. “How about some lunch? Grilled cheese?”
“And tomato soup?” he asked hopefully.
“Is there any other way?”
I left him there to think things over, and I knew he would probably come up with a whole slew of questions for me. I hated that I wouldn’t have all the answers.
As a parent, I did my best to raise my son to be strong and independent and confident, but mostly, to be a good person. And by keeping Eric from him, I had set an awful example of selfishness and betrayal. The fact that Cam wasn’t mad at me right now meant that he was a better person than I was.
I only hoped that it wasn’t too late to help them build a relationship.
6
Eric
Jasperhadtextedhisaddress last night, so I entered it into my GPS and drove across town. Skirting around the downtown area, I ended up in a cute neighborhood tucked into a bend in the river, with tall trees lining the streets and schools and greenspaces. It was nice, a great place to raise kids, but… not fancy, by any stretch of the imagination. I had kind of assumed that a doctor would have a larger home in one of the new neighborhoods that had been popping up.
“Your destination is on the right,” my phone informed me.
Sure enough, when I scanned the house numbers, I found 720, as instructed. I pulled up along the curb and turned off the car. It was a nice little bungalow with a porch and large bay window, but it still wasn’t anything like I’d imagined for Jasper. There were weeds growing in the shaggy lawn, and I wondered why he didn’t pay someone to maintain it for him. It was clear he didn’t have the time to do it himself. Why wasn’t his boyfriend helping out around the house? Pfft, he was probably a doctor too. They would’ve met at the hospital, fallen in love over some patient on the operating table or something.
I blew out a long breath. “I’m here for Cameron, not Jasper,” I reminded myself aloud, my voice muted by the leather upholstery. It would be painful to see Jasper and his boyfriend together, but hopefully they weren’t all lovey dovey all the time. Barfing in disgust wouldn’t give Cameron a good first impression.
