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Eric
“Thisisthebestday ever!” Cam gushed as he and his dad walked in through the stadium’s front doors, pumping a fist in the air. As soon as he saw me, he ran across the lobby, his footsteps echoing off the concrete. The place was empty, but soon, fans would start arriving for the game, and this place would turn into a madhouse. “Hi, Eric!”
“Hey, Cam. I’m so glad you could come watch me play today.” As Cam came up even with me, I paused briefly before offering a high five, and he jumped up to slap my palm. We weren’t on hugging terms yet, but I knew we would get there.
Then, reluctantly, I allowed my eyes to move to Jasper. I tried to keep it friendly, polite…tame. But I somehow found my eyes roaming every inch of his body, starting at his feet, before trailing up, lingering on all my favorite parts—the crease of his hip, the dip of his sternum, the long, smooth column of his throat. I felt this draw to touch him, as surely as I always had. It was like he had his own gravitational field dragging me in, and I could only do so much to resist it. There was no way he didn’t feel it too, right? “Jasper,” I rasped before clearing my throat. “Glad you could make it.”
“Sure. Yeah. My p-pleasure,” he said awkwardly, blushing lightly as he stuttered on the last word. Pleasure was something that had existed between us before. He wouldn’t quite look me in the eye.
Cam couldn’t stand still; the kid had so much energy! “I can’t wait to tell my friend Chris that my dad is famous! He’s always bragging that his dad is a cop, but a football player iswaybetter!”
Jasper’s smile looked strained. “Hey, you used to think my job was pretty cool. You always love coming with me to play with all the puppies and kitties.”
“Well, yeah, but it’s not the same,” Cam said, pouting. But then he looked carefully at his dad. He seemed to realize Jasper was feeling a little sensitive about the topic, and he wrapped his arms tight around his waist. “You’re right, Dad. Your job’s awesome too.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jasper teased, ruffling Cam’s hair. “It’s fine. I can’t possibly compete with all this.” He waved around at the stadium—and I had to admit, it was a pretty impressive building, with polished concrete floor and walls tiled in a mosaic pattern in the team’s colors of red and gold. There was lots of natural light from skylights above.
“Is this your first time here?” I asked them.
Cam answered for the both of them, “Yeah, my dad doesn’t really like football. It makes him sad.”
Jasper looked shocked by his son’s answer. “I-I don’t mind football,” he said, but I noticed he hadn’t denied that it made him sad.
My heart broke for him. I had a pretty strong suspicion that it was my fault, that it wasn’t football that upset him, but me. “Well, Cameron, maybe together we can change his mind about the sport,” I said, putting my hand on the boy’s shoulder.
“Yeah, let’s do it,” he agreed, grinning up at me. He was tall for being not quite ten years old, and I was curious to see if he would have my height. If he was interested, I could teach him how to throw a football, and the thought made me excited. It was crazy to think there was a mini me.
For a beat, none of us said anything. My shirt was getting damp with sweat, and I tugged the fabric away from my body, searching for a draft. I tried to catch Jasper’s eyes, but he stared stubbornly at his feet. I didn’t like this distance between us. We used to be closer, and now, I felt totally untethered, like I was floating in an ocean with no land in sight, and Jasper was the life raft. Without thinking, I took a step toward him, and his head jerked up to look at me. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, confessions, secrets to divulge. Instead, I swallowed hard and turned to Cameron. “So, do you want a tour?”
“Okay!” Cam said.
“Maybe I should just leave you two alone, you know, to do some bonding.” Jasper started backing away. “I’ll just wait here.”
I panicked. I wasn’t ready to be alone with my son, unsupervised. What if we ran out of things to talk about? What if he asked me a question I didn’t know the answer to? “Don’t be ridiculous,” I said quickly, catching him by the hand before he could get too far. His skin was warm and soft against my calloused palms. “It’s not every day you get offered a behind-the-scenes look at the stadium, and with your very own private tour guide.” I tugged him gently, silently begging with my eyes, until he followed, seeming to understand what I needed. I let my fingers linger for a few seconds longer than necessary, before forcing myself to drop his hand.
The security guard let us past into the restricted area, and I pointed out the various rooms as we wandered the halls. There really wasn’t much to see besides a lot of office space and meeting rooms, but there was a certain air of mystery behind locked doors, and Cam seemed excited enough. “We’ve got a gym where we can work out, tubs for ice baths, our very own physiotherapist, a massage therapist… and of course our showers and changerooms.”
Cam suddenly blurted, “Hey, Eric! Can you come to career day at school?”
I nearly said yes straight away, but then I caught sight of Jasper’s reaction—the tick of a muscle in his jaw, a tightening at the corners of his eyes—and my smile slipped a little. I didn’t want him to feel like I was replacing him. He was his omega dad, after all. Nobody was more important than that, but I was like a shiny new toy. The novelty would wear off soon, and maybe then I could just be his pops. “Maybe,” I finally answered. “I’ll talk to your dad about it, ‘kay? I might be playing a game out of town that day. I don’t want to make any promises I can’t keep.”
When Jasper gave me an encouraging smile, I knew I’d given the right answer.
Our tour was soon over, and just in time, because the game would be starting soon, and I still needed to warm up. Jasper had been quiet, and I wanted to make sure he was okay. We were really plowing full steam ahead with this parenthood thing, and that had to be tough for him.
“Hey, Cam,” I said, pulling out my wallet. “The concession stand is opening, and there’s no line yet. Why don’t you go get you and your dad some snacks before finding your seats. My treat.”
Jasper looked like he was going to argue for a second, but then he pinched his lips shut, and Cameron took the cash I handed him, then jogged over to the counter.
Before I could ask Jasper what was wrong, he turned toward me and out of nowhere asked, “Why don’t you hate me?”
I frowned down at him. “I could never hate you, Jasper. Never.” Before I could stop myself, I reached up and swept his hair lightly back from his forehead. I half expected him to slap my hand away, but instead, he closed his eyes in a long blink, leaning in and breathing deeply. I trailed my fingers down his cheek before dropping my hand at my side. “I know it couldn’t have been an easy decision. I put you in an impossible position. And honestly, as much as I regret the lost time with you and Cam, I think you made the right choice.”
Jasper’s forehead creased in confusion, his eyes searching mine. “You do?”
“Yeah. I would’ve made an awful father.” He scoffed like he didn’t believe me, and I hurried to explain. “Seriously! It’s… it’s hard to admit, but honestly, I was a selfish asshole ten years ago. My mom wasn’t in the picture growing up, and my dad did the best he could, but he wasn’t exactly the best role model. I had everything handed to me all because I was good at football. I was spoiled and entitled, and until my college coach set me straight, I really had no clue about responsibility or discipline. So, if you’d told me… if I’d suddenly had my life upended by a baby, I probably would’ve ended up resenting you—and Cam. As horrible as that sounds, it’s the truth. But because I had a chance to grow up, I can finally be the father Cam deserves.”
He looked up at me with an expression of infinite sadness and placed a palm on my chest. “I don’t believe it for a second. I know you, Eric, and I think you would’ve been great.”
