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“Attractive?”
I gave him a dark look and he smiled. “Just a question. It seems I already have my answer, so if you’d rather not, you don’t have to respond.”
I looked away towards the books again. The books made me a little more comfortable. Just their presence there and the thought of the way their pages would smell was enough to quiet the turmoil in my mind, if only for a moment. “I’m not ready to date. I wish I was. I want to be with him, but…”
“But?”
I sighed in surrender. “But the thought of being close to someone scares me. I don’t know how to care about people. I don’t know how to be cared for. And I’m afraid of being hurt again.”
Grey pondered the statement for a long moment, finally responding, “The ordeals you have faced, Poe, are enough to kill most people. Few survive the loss of their families, much less the caliber of abuse you’ve endured. And as for everything else…” I looked up at him, my eyes wet with icy tears. His mouth was tight, hesitant. “And as for everything else, I know you have a long way to go. It’s very difficult to forgive the heart after such a tragedy.”
“I can’t make that mistake again.”
“And the look in your eyes when you talk about this detective tells me you wish you could forgive.”
“It’s not that simple and you know it.”
Grey tilted his head slightly. “Why not?”
I stared at him, evaluating him for a moment. “You don’t know him; who are you to advise?”
His eyes narrowed slightly, a trace of emotion for another rare second betraying his psychiatrist’s mask. “Actually, the name rings a bell. Not the first, but certainly the last.”
I frowned deeply. He knew Frost? “He never uses his first name. Like me.”
Grey nodded slowly, meaningfully. “And that’s the crux of the matter, isn’t it? It’s not the intelligence, interest or attractiveness. It’s the reflection of your own feelings in him.”
“He…” I hesitated, but Grey nodded again encouragingly. “He seems to be…hiding something. He understands that I’m…different. Broken. And I’ve seen the same thing in his eyes. There’s something haunting him, holding him back.”
One last nod, this one weightier than the others. He did know Frost. “I’ve always been of the opinion, Poe, that some trials can be survived by one, but it takes two to heal the scars.”
Silence fell following his words and I stared at him, trying to see through him the way Frost saw through me. I had just begun to think I saw some trace of emotion and meaning when the phone shrieked, shattering the quiet like a pane of glass, and causing me to jump. Grey tightened his eyes and picked up the phone. “Dr. Albert Grey.” After a long moment, Grey’s eyes lit on me and his eyebrows drew together in concern. “Yes, she’s right here. One moment.” He offered the phone to me and my hand shot out, snatching it from his grasp. “Hello?” I asked hurriedly, my heart beating in my ears again.
“Poe? Are you alright? What in God’s name…”
I cut him off abruptly. I had gotten good at keeping phone calls brief. “Frost, where are you?”
“The precinct. Why? What’s going on?”
Tightening my eyes shut, I breathed a sigh of relief. “You’re in danger.”
He seemed to chuckle grimly on the other end. “I’m a homicide detective. That tends to happen in my line of work. Any particular reason, though?”
“I don’t know how to explain it, but you are in very serious danger and please, trust me on this.”
“I trust you, Poe,” he said anxiously. “But, please, tell me what’s going on?”
I hesitated, finally asking, “When do you get off?”
“That depends on what you need.”
“You can’t keep leaving work for me.”
“I’m doing paperwork tonight. It’s not time-sensitive and I can bring it home anyway. Now, tell me what you need.”
I swallowed hard, gritting my teeth. There was no good way to go about handling such a situation. No matter what I did, he was in danger. There were very few people who were close to me and unfortunately, no matter how vaguely I was acquainted with Frost, he probably topped the list. Even if I tried to push him away, it would not change my feelings regarding him and thus would not change his situation. “Pick me up at Dr. Albert Grey’s psychiatric clinic as soon as you can. Do you know where that is?”
“Yes. I’ll be there.” His voice was warm, pacifying, but my heart didn’t hear him. I could feel it pounding in my chest, beating at an exponential rate, the blood racing through my veins with the force of my fear and anxiety. “Poe?” he asked quietly. “Are you okay?”
