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“Why?” I ask. “Because it’s true? If it’s true—if you really love me—stay. Stay for me.”
His eyes open again, and he stares at me. I can’t decipher the darkness behind those browns.
“I don’t love anyone but myself, Kenzi,” he says. “You should know that by now.”
Cue my heart, shattering into a million pieces.
I can’t speak. There are words—words I want to say, balled up in the back of my throat.
But they won’t come out.
The ferryman comes between us and starts to close the gate. “Are you coming aboard, ma’am?”
Otto is in Hannsett Island. Jason is here.
But my heart is on the ferry, clutching his bag.
I shake my head. I step back behind the yellow line and hug my arms to my chest.
“I love you,” I tell him suddenly. The words hurt. Like something has been torn out from inside of me, stitches ripped open.
Donovan’s eyes go wide. He looks like I’ve slapped him. For a minute, he just stands there, staring at me.
“Say something,” I prompt, because this dead air between us is too painful, and he feels so far away already.
“I’m sorry” is the last thing Donovan says before he turns and boards the ferry.
The cold suddenly sinks into my bones, chilling me from the inside out. I can’t move, though—I’m rooted to the ground as I watch the ferry launch off, churning dark water below as it goes. Donovan stands there for a while, watching me. Then he turns and vanishes inside.
He’s gone. And I’m left all alone.
79
Kenzi
I ride back to Lighthouse Medical in a daze.
I stay with Otto. I listen as Dr. Esmeralda explains that they’ll be running tests for the next couple of days. She uses phrases like mitigate the damage.
I have my armor on, and I can barely hear her through the plates of steel.
But when Otto falls asleep and there’s nothing but me and the sound of my own anxieties bouncing around inside my skull, it becomes incredibly hard to keep myself in one piece.
Pearl stays with Otto, and I excuse myself for just a minute. My vision blurs on the way out—the door becomes a foggy shape, and I barely make it through before my cheeks grow hot.
The sanitized floors vibrate in my vision. Every time I blink, the world gets a little hazier, like going to the eye doctor: What about this? Can you see now?
I bump into a solid form. I rub my eyes and try to turn away. “I’m sorry—”
“Hey.” Jason’s hands move to my shoulders. He holds me to him, keeping me in place. “Are you okay?”
My bottom lip won’t stop shaking, but my throat feels like a steel trap and refuses to let any sound escape. It’s all I can do to shake my head.
He pulls me against him. Pressed to his chest, I inhale him deeply: patchouli, mint.
A dam breaks. I’m shuddering, and I can’t stop it—like I’ve got hypothermia. Jason wraps his arms around me and tightens. I’m safe in his boa-constrictor grip, and finally, the tears start to fall.
“I’m so scared,” I sob. “What if—”
