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Brandon had appeared stricken and apologized profusely, although Ryder knew it wasn’t his brother’s fault. Esme said the blame lay with the two of them, but she had to know he deserved the lion’s share of the responsibility. He’d been the last person to hold Chase before his fever spiked, and he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d missed something.
After answering a litany of questions from the attending nurse, Ryder had sent Brandon home with assurances that he’d done nothing wrong.
He and Esme had followed the nurse as she pushed the wheeled bassinet down the hall and then rode the elevator to the floor above where their baby would be spending the night.
Now they watched the boy, who appeared to be resting comfortably. Ryder had never hated something more than he did the thought of his sweet son hurting. Esme eventually got up from the chair she sat in to stand next to the crib.
“Hush, little baby,” she began to sing, and tears sprang to Ryder’s eyes. No one had told him about the pain he would feel when one of his children was sick. He would have done anything—made any promise—to take the child’s suffering into his own body, but that wasn’t an option.
He felt incapable of knowing what to do or how to comfort Chase or even Esme. She continued to sing, stroking the baby’s soft cheek. Even under the weight of worry, she knew how to handle the situation. She was so much better than Ryder in every way.
Esme turned as a different nurse walked into the room. “Visiting hours are almost over,” she said, her gaze traveling from Esme to Ryder.
Esme gripped the side of the bassinet. “I’m not leaving my son.”
“Hospital policy only allows one parent to stay overnight with a minor.”
“He’s three months old,” Ryder explained. “There has to be a special exception for babies.”
“I’m sorry, but no there isn’t.” The woman looked sympathetic but resolute in sticking to the rules. “I’ll give you a few minutes alone to decide.”
A heavy silence filled the room, and although it killed Ryder to think about leaving his son, he knew the right decision.
“You’ll stay,” he said after a moment.
“Yes, I think that’s best,” Esme agreed, her gaze on Chase. “I’ll text you any updates. Would you please let me know if Noah is okay when you get home? I can’t stop worrying about him, too.”
Was she so quick to dismiss Ryder because she didn’t think he could handle the responsibility of keeping vigil with their sick child? Or because this awful night had shown her what he already knew—she didn’t need him the way he did her.
Unwilling to consider either option, he rubbed his chest, which ached like it was splitting apart. Maybe she’d been right in her reluctance to take their relationship to the next level. Emotions complicated everything, as Ryder knew from past experience.
“I’ll text you right away.” He stepped toward her, but she backed up like she couldn’t stand to be touched by him at this moment. Clearly, she blamed him for what happened as much as he blamed himself.
Another jab straight to his heart.
“I’ll be here in the morning,” he told her and then bent down to give Chase a kiss on the forehead. The baby slept soundly and didn’t feel as hot to the touch, which Ryder hoped meant he’d taken a positive turn.
“Bring Noah,” Esme said. “Please. If he’s still well, and the doctor believes he’s in the clear, I think it will help Chase to have his brother close by.”
“You consider them brothers?” Ryder didn’t know why the comment shocked him.
“Don’t you?”
“I do, yes.”
The whole point of their arrangement was to raise the babies together and not just for Ryder and Esme’s benefit. He’d thought a thousand times about what he’d do differently from how his parents had treated him and Brandon. Of course, Chase and Noah would grow up as brothers. If Ryder had learned one thing from this situation, it was that sharing DNA was not the only way a family could be created.
Esme, Chase and Noah were his family now.
“Noah and I will see the two of you as soon as visiting hours begin in the morning. Good night, Esme.”
He didn’t want to leave without holding her, but as if she could read his mind, she crossed her arms over her chest and gave a slight shake of her head.
“Good night, Ryder.”
He walked out into the night, amazed at how a few hours could change everything. It felt like their date in the bookshop had been something he’d imagined instead of real life.
The stars twinkling above them hours earlier had been blotted out as thick clouds filled the sky. He did his best to ignore the tight worry that held him in its grip. There was no way he would risk losing Esme and their partnership now.
