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“I didn’t mean it like that,” he amended. “I’d like to hold Chase if that’s okay?”
“Of course it is.” She shook off the shock of his question. Something about the visit with Freya and Ruby had put her on edge even more than before.
“The nurse said she’d be in to finish his discharge papers within the next half hour.”
“You had us worried, buddy.” Ryder kissed Chase’s forehead, then glanced up at Esme. “How are you doing?”
“I’m okay now that I know both of our boys are good. I’m also ready to go home and don’t want anything like last night ever to happen again.”
“We’ll do our best to make sure it never does,” he told her, even though she knew it was a promise he could not keep. “But no matter what, we’ll get through it together.”
“I’m sorry about last night. I was upset and had no right to take it out on you.”
Esme had spent most of the night thinking about exactly that—her and Ryder together and what it meant for their future and that of their sons. There were no guarantees, but she also knew Chase and Noah had to be her number one priority, especially since she and Ryder had committed nothing to each other. It could impact the boys if she got too invested in their shared connection, and he lost interest.
She wished she had enough faith in herself to believe she was enough for him. They’d both been hurt by love and had a hard time trusting. That was undeniable, but Esme wanted more.
Even though she’d done her best not to have expectations or to put labels on their relationship, she loved Ryder Hayes with all of her heart. And if they kept on this path and her feelings weren’t reciprocated, her heart could be shattered into a million pieces.
“I need to tell you something, Ryder.” She looked around the sterile hospital room that had become so familiar to her in the last twelve hours. “Maybe I should wait, but I don’t want to. I need to say it.”
He nodded like he could read her mind. “I don’t want to wait, either, Esme. I have something I need to tell you as well.”
She couldn’t decipher the mix of emotions in his green eyes, but was it too much to hope they had the same idea in mind? Should she wait and let him say it first?
No. She was ready to take this risk, and she didn’t want him to think she was only doing it in response to his declaration. He needed to know it came from her soul.
“On the count of three, we say it together.”
He looked slightly confused by her request but nodded.
“One, two, three,” she counted, then drew in a breath and said, “I love you.”
At the same time, he said, “We should get married.”
It felt like a grenade went off inside her, shrapnel flying everywhere as she tried to make sense of his statement. While his words should’ve been a dream come true, something about his tone suggested he didn’t feel the same way as her.
But before either of them could say anything more or respond to the other, the nurse walked into the room to discharge Chase.
Chapter Fourteen
Ryder wasn’t sure he could have misread the situation with Esme more if he’d tried.
He sat on the sofa in their living room—her living room, technically—and stared straight ahead, unable to wrap his mind around the three little words she’d said to him.
I love you.
He’d honestly thought he had the perfect solution worked out for the two of them. Marriage would tie them together forever. Of course, he knew that plenty of marriages ended in divorce. His parents’ bitter battle had been one for the ages.
But he was proposing they officially join their lives for entirely sensible reasons, taking out the complicated emotions that often sent couples spiraling. They wouldn’t grow apart or fall out of love because, as he saw it, getting married was simply taking their practical arrangement to another level.
His idea would keep both of their hearts safe. He thought Esme understood that he couldn’t let himself love again, but those three words and the look of hope in her eyes told a different story.
Neither of them had spoken on the way home about what they’d each said in the hospital room, and she’d immediately gone upstairs to put the boys down for a nap.
He thought they could just pretend none of this had happened, then cursed himself for being ten kinds of a fool. There was no pretending, but Esme might understand if he could figure out a way to explain it.
He looked up as she descended the stairs, but instead of sitting next to him as was their custom, she chose the chair opposite the sofa. It wasn’t as if they were that far apart, but to Ryder, it felt like an ocean between them.
