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"Kris," I whisper, tears spilling over.
"I'm in love with you, Kelsey. I've been in love with you for two fucking years," he murmurs, brushing my tears away. "Winning you doesn't mean giving up a damn thing as far as I'm concerned. If we decide we want kids, we can adopt or foster. There are always options. But I'm not walking away just because you think you're somehow less. Fuck that."
"Stop making me cry," I cry, tears falling faster down my face. He's in love with me. I think I've always known it but hearing him say it is different. It'severything.
"Then stop believing bullshit," he growls. "Stop trying to push me away. Stop trying to save me. It's my job to take care of you, not the other way around. It's time you learn to let yourself becared for and stop worrying so fucking much about everyone else. I'm not going anywhere, Kelsey. You need to accept that now."
"I d-don't know h-how to l-let myself be l-loved," I admit. "I don't know how to l-let people in." I inhale a breath, trying to get myself under control. "When you grow up sick, people treat you differently. It's like you're this superhero because you're sick. You have to be stronger than everyone else around you. Braver than everyone else around you. Everyone is rooting for you, and you don't want to disappoint them."
"Jesus."
"I think it was worse for me because of my mom. She started drinking not long after I was diagnosed. The first time I fell out of remission, she left," I confess. "Everyone knew that she walked away. I always felt like I had to be twice as strong and twice as brave. I couldn't let people know how much that hurt."
Kris pulls me closer, rubbing my back.
"I didn't want to let them down. I didn't want them to see my bad days. If they did, they worried more. They pitied the poor little sick girl with no mother. And then my dad died, and I was the poor little sick girl with no parents at all." My bottom lip quivers. "So I faked a smile, just like a lot of the other patients I met. We put on brave faces because we didn't want anyone to worry about us. But I never really got to take my armor off again because I never got better…not entirely, anyway."
He flinches, and it's my turn to soothe him. I press myself closer, trying to merge us into one being.
"As soon as people hear the word leukemia, they treat you differently. So I learned to stop saying it," I whisper. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life as the girl with leukemia, Kris. I just want to be Kelsey. And Kelsey is good at taking care of other people, but she never really learned to let other people take care of her."
"She's going to learn." He rests his lips against my temple. "I'm going to teach her."
"I'm scared."
He doesn't say anything. Instead, he stretches out in my bed, pulling me down with him. Once I'm stretched out beside him, his arms around me and our noses inches apart, he nudges me. "You don't have to be afraid, princess. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. All you have to do is let me love you."
"That's what I'm afraid of," I admit, swallowing. "I could lose myself in you, Kris. What if…? What if…?"What if something happens?
"No," he growls, his eyes shooting off sparks. "It'll never fucking happen. I refuse to live in a world without you, Kelsey. So get that thought out of your head right now. You're going to be fine because I refuse to accept anything less."
He says it with so much conviction, as if he can make it so simply with the power of his will. I think if anyone on this earth can, it's Kris. He's the heart of the team for a reason. The guys follow him for a reason. It's because he's a force to be reckoned with. He's a force for good.
Season after season, he's forged the guys into one of the best teams in the NHL. He speaks, and you want to listen. He never steers you wrong. He always speaks up for what is right. And he never backs down. Ever. He's magic in a way that eclipses hockey.
I know my odds. I've known them since I was eleven. Chances are that I'll live a long life, even if it's not a healthy one. Now, Kris knows them too. If he's still here, still willing to fight for me—for us—then don't I owe us the same shot? Don't I owe him the same fierce devotion?
Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes.
There is no question. There is no doubt. He has my whole heart. Maybe it's selfish. Maybe it's wrong. I don't knowanymore. But we've both suffered enough, haven't we? I've tried so hard to stay away from him, but every sign keeps pointing me right back to him. I didn't survive leukemia this long just to spend the rest of my life with a broken heart. I refuse to believe that. And he doesn't deserve to spend the rest of his life with one, either.
That's what I'd really be sentencing him to. A half-life, just like mine. I can't do that to him. It scares the crap out of me to let him in and to let him love me…but it'sdestroyingme to know that I'm the reason he's hurting every day. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep him at a distance anymore when all I want is to run to him.
"Hey, Kris?"
"What is it, princess? What do you need?"
"I love you, you know," I whisper. "I always have."
His eyes flutter closed. He gathers me close to his heart, resting his lips against my forehead. "Kelsey. Jesus, princess. You have any idea how fucking long I've been waiting to hear you say that?"
"Too long."
"Yeah," he breathes against my skin. "Too long."
My heart pulses with a strange mix of emotions. Regret that it took me so long, unwavering certainty that I'll never make him wait again, peace that I'm in his arms, and hope for the future.
Chapter Eight
