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My wife bobs her head in a grateful nod, shooting a look at me over her shoulder before she slips into the bathroom.
"What do you think?" Dr. Mathers asks me.
"I think she's pregnant, but I don't want to be wrong," I murmur. "She's scared as hell."
"Has she been holding up okay?"
I jerk my chin in a nod. "She's strong as hell, but she's afraid. I think she's been waiting for the other shoe to drop for a while."
"Well, hopefully, that day is a long time off," Dr. Mathers says, patting me on the back. "I'll be in with the results as soon as they're ready."
"Thanks, Doc."
She ducks into the lab, leaving me in the hall to wait for Kelsey. It takes her all of two minutes before she's stepping out of the bathroom, slightly paler than when she went in.
"You okay, princess?"
"Yes. Just nervous."
I link our fingers, leading her back to the exam room. We're no more over the threshold before Carmen pops up to draw blood. I step aside, giving the petite nurse room to work. She chatters as she sets up, keeping Kelsey occupied with questions about work and our daughter. Within ten minutes, she's got eight different vials of blood, and my wife is calmer than she's been all day.
"All done," Carmen says, wrapping a piece of non-sticky tape around Kelsey's arm. "Keep that on for about an hour, and then you can toss it."
"Thanks, Carmen."
"Anytime, girl." Carmen gathers up her stuff, waves at me, and then disappears.
I scoop Kelsey up into my arms, kissing the furrow from her brow. "Did it hurt?"
"No more than usual." She rests her head against my shoulder.
"Then what's wrong,elskan mín?"
"I was just thinking about how different it is this time." She meets my gaze. "Last time, no one knew I was sick, and I put off coming in because I just knew they were going to tell me I was falling out of remission. I put myself and Emelia in danger." She blows out a breath. "I was such an idiot."
"You were afraid, princess."
"I'm afraid now, Kris. And I'm still here, doing what I need to do to take care of myself. Back then, I was an idiot," she says softly. "I was so lost."
I don't have to ask to know what she means. I know because I felt the same goddamn way. It wouldn't have taken much for me to destroy myself back then. Much longer without her, I think I would have done exactly that. Every day was hell. But if she's an idiot, so am I. Because I didn't see what was right in front of my face. I didn't fight harder. There were a thousand signs, andI missed every single one of them. We were both drowning in want of the other, too lost to save ourselves.
"We survived it, Kels," I murmur. "That's what matters now. We survived it and are exactly where we're supposed to be."
"I know. I just…I guess I just wanted you to know I'm not lost anymore, Kris. When I started feeling bad, I didn't even think about hiding it from you or not telling you. You were the only thing I wanted, and it didn't feel like telling you was wrong. It felt right." She cups my cheek. "For the first time in my life, I felt like I didn't have to hide or pretend or act like I was braver, stronger, or better than I was. I don't think you know how much I love you for giving me that."
"Fuck," I growl, kissing her hard on the mouth. For a long time, she's felt like she had to put on a show for everyone else. Being the sick kid was tough on her. The fact that she knows she's safe to just be Kelsey with me and not worry about anyone but herself iseverything. I don't think there's been a single other time in her life when she's done that…just worried about her or put herself first.
"Thank you for loving me exactly the way I am and teaching me to let you love me exactly the way I am," she says when I pull back. "I never realized how much I needed to learn that lesson. I'm not lost anymore because I don't feel like I have to hide anymore. Not from you or myself or anyone, Kris."
I press my forehead to hers, inhaling a shaking breath. "You're never going to be lost again,elskan mín.I won't allow it. No matter what we find out today. No matter how many times you fall out of remission. No matter what we face in the future, we'll do it together."
"I love you."
"I love you, princess. Christ. I can't breathe through it some days."
A sharp knock on the door pulls us apart. I don't let her drift far, though, keeping one arm around her waist as Dr. Mathers slips into the room.
"Well," she says, her expression completely level. "Some of your levels are off. But that's to be expected with a pregnancy."
