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“The whole world has seen your girlfriend’s innermost thoughts. Yes, I am a part of the world.”
“I—” What words would adequately explain my actions? What could I possibly say now?
“How are you holding up?” she asked, her voice soft and kind in a way that I didn’t deserve.
“I’m not,” I told her, giving her the honesty she requested.
“I’m sorry.”
“Youhave no need to apologize tome.It’s me who needs to apologize to you.”
“Yeah. You do. But that doesn’t mean I can’t wish this hadn’t happened to you, or give you a chance to grieve before I give you a hard time.”
For the first time in the last four days, I almost smiled. “I appreciate your grace.”
“You should.”
“I do.”
“Then let’s kick the elephant in the room out in the open,” she said.
“All right. I’m sorry you had to find out about our mother, especially like this.”
Esme was quiet.
“I never wanted you to feel that pain,” I said. “I wanted to shield you from it.”
“That’s the problem,” she said. “Our mom sucks, I got that message a long time ago. She doesn’t want us. I got that, too. My problem is you decided for me that I didn’t get the answer you knew I sought. You decided for me that I would never get to know why she didn’t come home.”
I felt her words sink in. She was right. That wasn’t fair.
“I get that you were trying to protect me. You’realwaystrying to protect me. And the sentiment is sweet. But I don’t need protecting.”
“I’m sorry,” I told her.
“Thank you. Now tell me what you’re going to do to fix things with Layana.”
“There is no fixing what is broken.”
“That’s the biggest load of bologna I’ve ever heard. I saw you two together. I read her freaking diary, Gabe. She’s bananas about you, and I know you feel the same about her.”
“She broke my trust.”
“By keeping a diary?”
I clenched my jaw.
“Her friends are all over social making itveryclear her diary was stolen. Her privacy was violated way more than yours.”
I sighed. “She broke my trust.”
“Yeah, you said that. But how do you think it feels for her to have the worst possible thing she can think of happen, have every private thought stolen and plastered all over the internet for everyone to see?”
“That’s exactly wha?—”
“I’m not done. And then in her hour of greatest need, the one person who she trusts the most to be on her team shuts her out. That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?”
I didn’t say anything, because there was nothing to say. Esme had already decided exactly what she thought and it didn’t matter how I felt.
