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I’d been asked this before. I’d never been open about it, because it was personal. I reminded myself that it would be all right to let my guard down a little. Honesty required it. Layana required it.
“From my father,” I said.
Surprise crinkled the corners of Ms. Coral’s eyes. She offered an eager and encouraging smile. “Tell me about him.”
“He was kind, honest, hardworking, and dedicated both to keeping the streets of Epiphany clean and raising his two children as a single parent.”
“You’ve never shared any details about your family publicly before,” she said.
“That’s right.”
“Why now?” She fixed me with her gaze, making clear that the softball questions were over. “Does this change have todo with your relationship with Layana Hartley and the recent posting of the intimate details of that relationship?”
“Yes.”
“You’ve had a rocky path,” she said. “Have you somehow been able to forgive her divulgence of your secrets?”
“She didn’t make that post,” I said.
“Sure, her friends have said that, but Ms. Hartley herself has yet to make a personal statement or any posts addressing the matter.”
“Do you keep a diary, Ms. Coral?”
“No.”
“But I’m sure you know someone who does. Perhaps you choose to share your private thoughts with a therapist, or a partner, or you process in some other way. Everyone has thoughts they never intend for the world to see; they may record them or not. Either way, they’re private.”
“Sure.”
“Layana’s laptop was stolen. Her diary was published for the world to see and scrutinize without her permission.”
“So you believe that her story is true.”
“I believe in her. She’s honest and forthcoming, kind and loyal. She would never betray someone’s trust or harm anyone on purpose. She’s a good person.”
“If Layana was here now, what would you say to her?”
I took a deep breath, willing my voice not to shake. I turned to the camera. “Layana, I know what happened wasn’t your fault. I never should have shut you out. I never should have questioned your intention, and I never should have hidden so much of myself in the first place. What happened, the violation we both were subjected to, has set me free. I'm ready to drop the walls between us. You have my whole heart, if you'll still have me. I love you.”
The words tumbled out in a rush. I'd never been so open, so vulnerable before. But it was worth it. For her, I would rip open my heart for all the world to see. I meant every word. No more hiding. For better or for worse, my heart was hers.
The studio lights beat down, exacerbating the cold sweat on my brow. I had laid myself bare, and now all that was left was to hope she would take me back.
I took a gulp of my water and answered the remaining questions. I shook Mrs. Coral’s hand when it was over. I thanked her for the opportunity, and I took a moment by the exit and leaned against the wall.
I finished my water.
My nerves buzzed. I went out into the parking lot, terrified but sure I’d done the right thing.
The sun suddenly seemed too bright. A wave of dizziness washed over me. I swayed on my feet, blinking against the glare. Perhaps I was hyperventilating. Slow, steady breaths were required.
I reached for my pocket, for my phone, but I couldn’t find my pocket.
Something was wrong with my hand. Something was very wrong.
A soft voice said, “No more waiting.”
It sounded vaguely familiar.
