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I get her positioned, and relax when she begins suckling.
Gunnar crouches at my feet, eyes brimming with all the questions he must have.
“Jem?” He looks me over and swallows visibly, and then stares at Viv’s little cheeks while she’s chugging milk, like he’s obsessed over her getting enough nutrition. “Am I…?”
I run my fingers over Viv’s soft, blonde curls and try not to look at Gunnar’s short and slightly darker curls as I straighten her little bow with a sigh. “So… maybe there weren’t exactlynostrings,” I admit in a quiet voice.
“She’s mine?” he asks in a whisper, taking a seat right on the ground of the parking lot, like he needs dirt and old gum on his jeans. “A—are you sure?”
“Positive,” I reply without hesitation. “I haven’t been with another man.” I watch him closely before adding, “Ever.”
He draws his eyebrows downward, and then he sits up straight and stares at me. “What do you mean? You were —” He covers his mouth as a strangled noise escapes his throat. “A virgin?” he whispers, looking absolutely horrified. “And you let me…?”
He launches off the ground and paces in front of me.
8
GUNNAR
Oh, my fuckingGod.
I want to throw myself in front of the next passing car.
I fucked her like an animal. A sweet little virgin. Who lied about who she was and…
“Why did you lie to me about that? About anything? Shelby, I…”
Not Shelby. “Jem.”
No wonder I couldn’t fucking find her.
I drop my gaze to the baby girl at her breast —mybaby girl. I have a fucking daughter and a young mom to take care of, and I can’t take my eyes off either one of them.
My dick fucking loves the sight of my long-lost Little Miss feeding our baby at her breast. No bottles. Just skin contact, pure love, and a kind of comfort that our little girl clearly fucking appreciates. The baby’s guzzling down the milk like she can’t get enough.
She’s so fucking cute. Little blonde curls, chubby cheeks, and big blue eyes, not too dissimilar to her mother’s.
This tiny little miracle is part me, too.
The thought hits me with an intensity I wasn’t expecting, and moments from my night with Jem flash through my mind,making me want to reach out and touch the evidence of what we did. WhatIdid.
I haven’t been able to get this woman out of my head for nearly a year, and now she’s holding my baby.
I fucked her bare, knocked her up, and shekeptthe baby. I’m a father. And it’s all wrong. This isn’t what I wanted at all.
I’m an absentee father.
The worst kind of father there is.
I would never do that to my woman and child if I knew. But how could I know when Jem hid the truth so well?
I missed everything. Missed getting to know Jem. Missed watching her fertile little body grow beautifully round with my seed. Missed helping her when she needed support. Missed caring for her and my baby, leaving her to go through everything all alone — like a fucking asshole. I didn’t even get a chance to celebrate any of it with her.
Did she celebrate? Or does she hate me?
Was she scared? Is that why she didn’t tell me?
She’s so young, and a baby is such a big, life-changing thing. Did she think I would be mad if I found out? Because of the lies she told me when we met? Was her family mad? There’s so much I don’t know. Why didn’t she tell me? And why did she feel she had to lie about who she was? She was out to get laid… Did she think I wouldn’t fuck her if I knew the truth? Why would she need to lie about her identity in the bar that night?
