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I rub at my head and snuggle Viv closer. Astounded by Jem’s maturity and the conclusions she drew, as to my emotional upheaval, I’m not sure what to expect next. Is Jason right? Are the young people today more in touch with emotionalintelligence? Our generation is so used to grinning and bearing whatever gets thrown at us that I had no idea she’d read into my actions so deeply as to recognize my fucking trauma of being unable to provide for my family. I feel kind of naked.
“Your sister was a little baby when your dad left?” she asks softly.
I nod, at a loss for what is happening. “She could eat some mush, but she was still on the tit,” I say before remembering myself with a groan. “Breastfed. She wasn’t much older than Viv is now.” I clear my throat and jiggle my precious girl as I look around. “May I sit for a second?”
Jem raises her eyebrows, stands next to the table, and pushes out one of the dining chairs for me with her foot, the way I had when she’d asked to sit with me in the bar all those months ago. “Sit.”
I give her a knowing smile, as I take a seat. “Am I a fucking dog?”
“Maybe. Seems like you’re pretty obedient, when you want to be.” She twists her lips to one side, as she considers me, and I want to realign them, and then plunder her smart fucking mouth. She may be young, but she’s not a pushover. She’s sassy as fuck, while also being a sweet, caring little mama, and it’s a combo I can’t get enough of.
“A dog that needs more training, maybe,” she says. “Pretty sure there’s a saying about teaching an old dog new tricks, though,” she adds with a sigh. “I’m glad you were honest enough to tell me about Maggie, feeding Viv. Okay?”
I nod, and she takes the seat next to mine. “How old were you when your dad left?”
“Eight,” I whisper, not sure what she wants the information for, but wanting to give her more honesty.
“Eight?” She looks me over with renewed interest. “That must have been really hard, Gunnar.”
“I managed,” I say with a frown. “There were good days. Sometimes my aunt could come down with my little cousin and help, like I said. When her man would let her. He wasn’t great. But the neighbor was kind. And my guys rallied — Ben, and Jase. Vince, and Daryl…
“Their parents would pack extra into their school lunches, to make sure I was eating. If there was cake, I’d sneak it home for mom. She liked cake, and I liked seeing her smile. I learned how to take care of my family better because people would care for me, and…” I shake my head and stand back up. “I don’t want to talk about this stuff, Jem. How the fuck do you make me talk so fucking much? Just leave it alone.”
“So… what?” She gives me an unimpressed look. “You’re allowed to care about me, but I’m not allowed to care about you? That logic is fucked up, Gunnar Scott. You’re my kid’s dad. I’m allowed to give a shit. Go sit your ass in the living room and get comfortable.”
I hold Viv close and stare at the feisty little miss bossing me around. “I don’t know what’s happening, and I don’t like it,” I say.
“Is that an old-dog response to a command?” She rolls her eyes, and gestures at her tits. “I have to feed Viv, and I want to be comfortable while she’s drinking. With all the extra milk I brought in through pumping, I have a lot to spare, and I was going to express from the other side while I do it. I’m going to train Viv to be better with a bottle, so it’ll be easier for you to feed her. If you’re interested.”
“Of course I’m interested.” I’m already heading for the living room to find a seat and settle in for the show. “I’d love to be able to feed her.”
“Good.” Jem stands in the doorway to the living room, swinging her manual breast pump and attached bottle like a gunslinger from the wild west. “Because I’ve decided I want tostart getting out more, and I was hoping you’d watch Viv while I do it.”
Something in her tone makes me uneasy. What does she mean bygetting out more? Errands? Dates?
She collects the baby from my arms and sits on the couch next to me. Near enough that I get a seriously close-up view, as she lifts her shirt, unhooks her maternity bra, and latches Viv onto her breast. There is zero shyness involved, and the unguarded sound she makes when the letdown hits sounds like fucking magic in my ears. Every other thought leaves my mind as I soak up the fantasy unfolding before me.
“I’ve never pumped at the same time as feeding her, so this might get a bit awkward,” she says, juggling the pump, while she moves Viv into a different position so she can access her other breast more easily.
Again, she doesn’t bother with modesty when she releases her other, full breast from her bra. It rests there in the open, gloriously round and firm and full of milk. Pale blue-green veins streak her breast, not far below the surface, and I want to spread my palm over them, to see how much of her I can hold and if I can feel her heart beating beneath my fingers.
I swallow hard and try not to stare, but it’s hard. It’s so fucking hard — much like my dick.
“Can you hold this for a sec, Gun?”
“Mm?”
I lift my focus to the breast pump in her hand. “Sure.” I take it and make sure it’s all screwed together tight, to ensure the seals are ready for maximum suction. I give the squeeze-trigger a few pumps, and then watch Jem shifting about as if she’s trying to get comfortable. “What do you need, little mama? A cushion?” I pass her one, and she accepts it with a smile.
Her bare breasts are fully exposed, and they jostles about as she wriggles on her ass, checks Viv, and then leans back with apparent satisfaction, having found a good position.
Her bare, pale flesh and dark, thick nipple are calling to me in ways that make my mouth water.
Does she even know what she’s doing to me?
She strokes her fingertips down the side of her breast as I stare, and she clears her throat. “Do you want to help me get it situated?” She holds her breast, for me to attach the pump.
I stare at her. “What are you doing, Jem?”
