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"You," Preach says, his words thick with emotion. "Why didn't you tell me?"
I pause as I turn to his room. He's standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. I look past him and see that he's got a bag on the bed and he's packing clothes into it. Fuck. "You leavin'?"
He glances behind him and then turns back to face me. "You never answered my question," he hisses. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"
"You were listenin'?"
"You looked beyond pissed leavin' here. I wanted to make sure you didn't get yourself into a fight."
I chuckle. "I came close to it." I wanted nothing more than to knock Mayhem out. Fucking ass. He never thought about the ramifications of unearthing that secret. Had he done so, we wouldn't be in this situation.
"Why didn't you tell me that you thought Tyson was yours?" he asks once again.
I sigh. "I didn't want to take away the one thing you had. Since that cunt told you he was yours when she was pregnant, you've changed. You're no longer doubtin' who you are, and you don't care about the past. You're focused on the future and bein' the best dad to Tyson. What did you want me to do, man? Tell you what I thought and fuck up everythin' you've worked hard for? You're my brother, Preach. I'd do anythin' to protect you."
"Includin' not gettin' to know your son. It makes sense now. You'd always spend more time at Esme's. It's 'cause bein' around Tyson is too much."
I don't deny it. There's no fucking point. Everything is out in the open now. "Yeah," I say a little roughly. "Seein' the kid is hard. Knowin' that he could be mine and I can't be his dad fuckin' sucks, but I made that choice, Preach. I did. I knew what it meant to you to have him, and I knew what it would do to you if you didn't. So I knew that keepin' my mouth fuckin' shut about what I suspected was the right thing to do."
"So what happens now? Hmm? Everyone knows he's not mine. Are we expected to pretend that he is? What about you and Es? Hmm? What's goin' to happen when you have kids and you decide that bein' a dad is the most important thing to you? What happens then? You're goin' to want Tyson, brother. You're goin' to want him to know that you’re his father."
I grit my teeth. I know deep in my heart that he's not wrong. That's exactly what I have dreaded. It's fucked up but I can't deny his words.
"Fuckin' Mayhem," he snarls. "What the fuck are we goin' to do now, brother? I know that he's not mine. There's no fuckin' comin' back from it."
"We don't know for definite that he's mine," I sigh. "Look, as I've said, I had no intention of ever takin' Tyson from you. That's not somethin' I ever wanted to do. If the results come back that Tyson's mine, I'll stick to my promise."
His jaw tightens as he stares at me. "You think it's that easy? You think we can all forget that this bomb hasn't been fuckin' dropped on us?"
"What do you want me to fuckin' do?" I snarl, getting pissed. I have no idea what he wants from me.
"Fuck off, Reap. You're so fuckin' deluded if you think this is just goin' to be as easy as you say," he growls. He turns on his heel and storms into his room, slamming the door as he does.
I stand there, staring at his door, wondering what the fuck I'm going to do now. How do we come back from this?
Walking into my room, I see Es sitting up and watching me. I'm surprised to see she's alone. How the fuck did she get up? She’d best not have done it herself. She knows that if she needs to move, she's to call someone to help her. I close the door behind me and lock it. I want to block everyone out tonight. I notice that her cell is in her hand. I feel my own cell buzz in my pocket and pull it out. She texted me. Once she was able to move in hospital and I gave her cell back to her, she began communicating with everyone through text messages.
I'm sorry, Gray. I know you didn't want it all to come out. Are you okay?
I sigh as I take a seat on the bed next to her, pulling off my boots. "No," I reply honestly. "What the fuck is goin' to happen now?"
She reaches out for my hand and pulls on it. She's letting me know that she wants me to come closer to her. I turn so that I'm lying on my side and throw my arm around her stomach. She releases me and types something on her cell.
We just have to take it day by day. Right now, you and Preacher are both hurting. I'm sorry that it all came out. I know you didn't want it to. What do you want to happen?
"If Tyson's my son, I fully intend on doin' what I set out to do. I can't hurt my brother that way."
I know, but do you think Preacher will let you do that?
"That's just it, the anger he has right now, I wouldn't be surprised if he runs. I’d do the same."
She nods.Me too.
Everyone would. It's fucked up. I don't want to lose Tyson, especially if the kid is mine. But that's a selfish way of thinking.
"I fuckin' hate this shit," I grumble.
I know, but no matter what, you're not alone.
