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“Oh, you’re gonna regret that,” Kai grumbles. And that’s it. The two groups search for direct confrontation, growling and swearing as the first fists connect. My mind quickly flutters through an escape plan. Before I give it a second thought, I roll myself away and back into the darkness of the wall. My fingers trace the cold stone that I use as leverage to climb to my feet. I’m so scared, I fear I might collapse. I don’t. Adrenaline keeps me going, and with my heart hammering in my chest, and my hoodie safely pulled over my curls, I take off running. Back to our shitty condo, because it’s the only place that brings safety. Back to my pens and paper, because they are the only thing that bring happiness.
I need some fucking silence.
I need my pencils. I need my music.
Breathe in, and out. You made it.
By the time I finally make it up toward my window, I fall into my bed. My feet ache like a motherfucker, and I just want to lay my head on this goddamn pillow and disappear. Escape from this waking nightmare. If this is my reality, I don’t want it.
Don’t. Want. It.
I want to dream.
But I can’t because I need to check on Mom.
It's quiet in the apartment, and when I stumble for the kitchen, I notice that the tv’s off. A foreign sentiment is draped in the air, or maybe it’s me. I open Mom’s bedroom door and find her peacefully asleep for once.
Maybe it’s me.
I put my earbuds on and start tidying the kitchen, ignoring the empty fridge. All that food gone to waste.
I take a quick, cold shower, then put some cream on my aching feet. I’m cold, and not even the thick hoodie and sweatpants can help me from shivering. All Saints found me. There won’t be a letter, there won’t be any cash. No, next time they find me, there will only be death. Of that, I’m sure. When I light up my candle and the first vanilla scent hits the room, I finally realize that, yeah, I really made it. I’m back home. And I’m still alive. Kai saved me. Or did he? What would they have done if I’d taken Ro’s hand? I shudder. And then I take a seat at my desk and let my eyes search for Kai. His drawn face lights up when he catches my stare, his right brow slightly more arched than the left one.
“Too dark,” I mutter at the eyes. It needs golden flecks.
And while Smokey Robinson and The Miracles sing, my pencil flies over the paper, in search of perfection. I can’t find it.
“You really got a hold on me.”
“Not like that,” I grumble, exasperation washing over me when I look at the failed drawings. I toss the pencils aside, then grab the sheets of paper from the wall, claw at them, tear them off, and crumble them into wads of paper. My growl turns into sobs, and Kai’s sweet smiles disappear into wrinkles that I toss in the bin, until I’m left with an empty desk and my hands in my hair. I’ll shortly need to leave for work, but I can’t get myself to move. So instead I stay like that, until Bob Dylan finally soothes my mood and brings me back to safer ground.
“The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, the answer is blowin' in the wind.”
ChapterTen
KAI
“Those fucking assholes,” I grit out, after All Saints have retreated back into the filthy alley where they belong. Turning to my other side, I see Phoenix sprinting away, hoodie covering his lush curls, his limbs buried in those usual sweats as he flees through the streets. Fleeing fromme.
“Kai—” It makes my heart burn with rage, and has arousal running through my veins.
“That fucking, dirty traitor, he—” I spin my head to face Ro. “What the hell was he doing out here anyway?”
“Kai—”
“What was he thinking? I mean—” I sigh, ‘that was just plain stupid, right? I mean, jeez.” Ro blinks, then opens his mouth only to shut it again.
“Kai, what are we doing here?” He eyes around him, to the mess that is called a street. We parked the car next to D.’s SUV. Earlier, he was shadowing us from behind the car, ready to attack should the situation have turned, but now, with the threat having left, he's back to patiently waiting behind the wheel.
“Because he got into fucking trouble, that’s why we’re here.” I run an impatient hand through my quiff, seething.
“I can see that.” Ro snorts. “And why do you care so much?”
“I don’t,” I spit, a little too fast. But seeing Phoenix so vulnerable, undignified, afraid, brings a pang to my chest. He’s a feisty, little fucker, I’ve got to give him that. “It’s just stupid, is all.”
“So according to D. this guy was grocery shopping when he got threatened by All Saints. This is what led to that “situation”, he air quotes, referring to D’s message. Smug bastard. I grind my teeth, refusing to believe that Ro knows anything more than he lets on. “I guess he doesn’t live far away from here,” my cousin adds, eyes twinkling. I won’t take the bait.
“Goddamn it. This guy has got no friends, and off he goes, deep into All Saints turf, for his fucking groceries?” Or maybe I do, take the bait, because this whole situation is just ridiculous.
