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“So, Rose?” He plucks a piece of grass and tosses it in front of him.
“Rosy, yeah.” I swallow the dry lump away, before hesitantly adding, “She was my sister.”
“What happened?”
“I—She—I—” I take a deep breath. “I killed her.” Ache scatters through my chest, and I grind my teeth while my hands turn into fists. “Wow, I’ve never said that out loud.” It feels heavy and strangely light at the same time, this horrifying confession. We sit like that in the sunny breeze, with fluttering petals and a strange, buzzing silence.
“What happened?” Kai finally asks. It takes me a moment to answer. Cotton is clouding my brain, causing my usual muteness. While my throat’s trying to work, I watch Kai as he leans forward to brush the petals clear from the stone on the ground. Leather creaks when his inked digits reveal the words:Our baby girl.
“It was a car accident.” I exhale, though he still doesn’t look up, instead now focuses on replacing the withered flowers with fresh ones. “I—I was driving. Picked her up from school. We were on our way—”To freedom.“I wasn’t supposed to pick her up. Mom usually did that, but she… and so I did it.” My throat locks and I swallow hard. Kai’s still not looking up from the flowers. But he lets out a low hum, and that’s enough for me to keep going. And so I do, emptying myself as I go along. “My parents were always fighting, always drinking, always scaring me. I didn’t feel safe at home. I wanted a better future for me and my sister. It was a stupid plan.” My bark falls flat. “I should have known that things don’t work like that. Maybe I was reckless, but I needed to get us out. And so I picked her up, drove with her toward Jersey, but then there was this car—” A sob escapes my throat. “This car that didn’t see us coming. He drove right into our side, intoherside. She died instantly. She was—” So peaceful. The only good thing we’d had in our lives. I don’t finish the sentence.
A strong hand wraps around my own and squeezes tightly. It’s warm, and comforting, and makes my chest constrict. Blindly grabbing my drawing gear with my free hand, I try to toss them into my bag.
“Now you know.” And he’ll hate me for it. “I need to go.”
“Not so fast.” His fist is already around my fist.
“What do you want?” My voice breaks.
“I believe it’s called a conversation.” He flashes me a toothy smile that makes me shudder and feel lighter at the same time. “You should try it sometime.” I try to snatch my hand back, but his grip doesn’t budge.
“I know what a conversation is. I’m just not in the mood.”
“Ah, but I am. You see, if you’re gonna run from me now, I’m gonna have to come after you, tackle you to the ground, and carry you to my car. See that red Porsche over there?” I swallow, then turn over my shoulder and nod, inwardly cursing myself for this fluttery feeling in my stomach. I’m sitting at my sister’s grave for fuck’s sake. I should be mourning, every hour of the day, not secretly enjoying myself over all the nasty things Kai promises. But I want them. Want to feel his body pressed against mine, his mouth on my skin. Want to confide in him and have him understand. Kai lets out a long sigh. “Fuck, Phoenix, I don’t know either.” He lets go of my wrist and lays down flat onto his back, his gaze sweeping up to the sun. “Let me guess. Your mother blames you for killing your sister.” I gingerly lay down next to him, the sun rays warming my face.
“Yeah.”
“You know it was an accident, right?” He turns to face me, but I’m already shaking my head in disagreement. My tear ducts well, throat full of sand, and my lungs burn. I can’t look at him, not as my eyelashes clog with unshed tears.
“I shouldn’t have been there in the first place. If I hadn’t been there, she’d still be alive.” And Dad would never have left, and I would have never received this fake letter, this fake promise, that made me do horrible things. “I should have stayed put.”
“They should have been better parents. They should have created a safe home for you, where you and your sister could grow up as happy, healthy people.” He turns to face me, and my eyes dart immediately down to his mouth, to where a blade of grass is casually hanging from his lips. It’s sexy.Heis. I swallow, then before I can turn my gaze back to the sky, he flicks a finger under my eyes, brushing the tears away.
“Maybe.”
“Maybe.” Kai rolls himself onto his side, elbow planted firmly in the grass as he looms over me. “Fuck, you’re pretty.” His fingertip caresses my cheek, spreading tingles of want and confusion. “You know, Phoenix,maybeis a shitty word.Maybedestroys all your hopes and dreams and feeds off of your regrets.” His fingertip traces the shape of my lips. “Maybeis not my kinda lifestyle, baby mouse.” I hiss when I feel his hand snaking under the waistband of my pants.
“What are you doing?” I ask breathlessly.
“Maybedoesn’t help me beat up those poor bastards who cross me.” He shoves his hand down my pants and wraps his fingers around my girth, making me groan low in my throat, head falling heavier into the grass. “Maybedidn’t help my family to gain the power we have, and it doesn’t help you to stay alive on the streets where you made so many enemies.”
“No,” I rasp.
“You gotta be sure.” He straddles my legs, his hand still in my pants, wrapped around my cock, eyes flashing. “You gotta know what needs to be done, and fucking go for it. You gotta forgive yourself for the past. You can make mistakes, but you can’t live with regrets. We’re shadowing those fuckers to make sure they won’t hurt you. What do they have on you, baby mouse?”
“Kai—”
“You wouldn’t kill for two thousand dollars. What else is there at stake? Talk to me.”
I hesitate. Knowing that the letter is a fraud, it has lost all power, and instead makes me feel small, and stupid. “What’s going on between us?” I ask instead.
“I don’t know, Phoenix. But I like it. Don’t you?” Hooking a thumb into the side of my sweats, he pulls them down. My eyes widen in panic.
“We can’t do this here, Kai,” I hiss. “We’re in a cemetery!”
He grins at me. “We can do whatever the fuck we like. Do you think the dead mind much?” He crawls down my body until his breath skates across my throbbing cock. His head dips between my thighs, peppering kisses over my hardening cock. “Now tell me what you need to tell me. I’m keeping All Saints at bay, little killer bee. Why?” He flattens his tongue and drags it over my balls. He takes one between his saliva covered lips while running his hands from his thighs to my groin.
“Because of the letter,” I manage. My knuckles whiten as I fist them into the grass, doing my very best not to make a sound in this sacred environment. He lets my balls go, then kisses his way back to my dick.
