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I make sure they’ve all left by the time I move my own stiff limbs. Fuck I’m sore; I guess yesterday’s work-out is to blame, or maybe it has something to do with last night’s party. With all the boys in town, it has been crazy. Had I known that the lurking threat would have presented itself so soon, I would have ordered everyone to stay in. But Mia confirmed this morning that something would be up today, and there had been no way to try and convince the guys to skip the park, without revealing current threats. And Logan didn’t want that.
“You alright, couz?” Ro bumps my arm on his way toward the car, and picking up my leather jacket from the grass, I shimmy it on while catching his pace. My indecipherable hum seems to be enough for him, because Austin’s baby brother doesn’t question me, nor my debatable decision. Knowing him though, he will get back on it. Clever fucker never misses anything. But as subtly as he watches D., as subtle as he is in his role as leader of the Void. Never discusses delicate matters in public.
“So,” he turns once we’re sitting in the car. There we go. “Bad weather forecast, huh?” Gazing through the rear mirror I watch Austin, Big and Vic goofing around.
“Have you seen the state of your brother? Can’t possibly let him crawl around in judo gear in public now, can we?” Ro snorts at that, but doesn’t reply. Whether he buys my lame excuse or understands that I don’t want to talk about it right now, I don’t know. I’m not wrong though. Austin’s always been the king of the party, and getting married hasn’t changed that.Yet. Ro looks over his shoulder and I don’t miss the soft smile he sends D. who’s sitting practically plastered against the window, his desolate stare focused on something far, far away.
“What?” Vic huffs incredulously at something someone says, and Austin and Big bark out in a laughing fit.
Ro snorts. “I think that we’ll very much see Austin crawling around in judo gear, today.”
The drive to Shaolin’s is a short one, and barely ten minutes later, we park our cars double in the street, right in front of the entrance. The place looks spot-on. It’s only been a few months that Samuel and Charlie have been running this place together, but they have managed to create a little paradise in honor of the world of martial arts. Each doka has been given a different color and vibe, the walls decorated with quotes about lifestyle, mentality and ambitions. As we make our way inside the large hall, the court garden seems to wink at us. Colorful flowers of all types show their veins in an unspoken beauty contest, gracefully blowing in the breeze.
“Oh, my,” Austin mutters to himself. Connor’s already wearing a white judogi, his glasses shining under the bright light, his head held high. “Look at that. So beautiful, so perfect, and all mine.”
“This wasn’t my idea,” Connor splutters, but the rest of his words are muffled as Austin wraps his arms around his fiancé and presses their noses together.
“Oh, you bet this was your idea. And now I’m going to catch you, sweetling. You better get ready.”
“Well, whoever loses is gonna be in trouble tonight,” Big mutters as we watch them leave, and the comment is followed by snickers. Someone hands me a glass and when I take a swig, the smoky flavor of whiskey smoothly lands onto my tongue. Fuck, I needed that. A song plays and conversations pick up. With my glass in hand, I take a closer look at the garden, where I notice traces of pink and cream petals scattered all over the grass.
“Magnolia.” Charlie points at the flower I was looking at. “Beautiful, right? I’m still waiting for the primrose to flower,” Charlie mumbles from behind my shoulder. When I turn around, he points toward the garden. “There, that one, behind the apple tree. They’ll be pink flowers, with yellow hearts.”
Judo matches begin and end, with everyone taking turns. It’s fun, the atmosphere between both families being surprisingly easy-going. Perhaps that’s because moody Logan isn’t here.
But later on, when I find myself in position across from Austin on the mat, I feel the weight of before once more, its deathly threat heavy as a rock. Austin grabs my shoulder, and I grunt when he tries to push me off balance. But it's my thoughts that make me jerk away, panting, the fear ofwhat-could-have-beentugging sharply at my chest. What if I’d been too late? Would he really have pressed the button?
I need to know.
Because this No One, with his angelic face, has been haunting me since our first encounter at the port, and I don’t know what to do with that. There's something about the way he felt in my grasp that night, that my thoughts keep coming back to, like a damn loop. Maybe I’ve had too much to drink. I hate him, but he won’t leave my thoughts.
He’s a guy.
Dark, unruly curls bounce into mind, large, fearful eyes colliding with mine.
A fucking traitor.
Would he let me chase him? Howl after him as I hunt him down, make him fall and roll him onto his back…
“Earth to Kai!” Austin presses my arms firmly onto the mat. “I won, fucker. You can let go now.” I blink a few times, eyeing him in sincere confusion. Fuck, I should lay off the whiskey. Just in case. “Hey, are you alright?” My cousin sits me up and drops his own ass across from me onto the mat. Similar dark eyes stare into mine, and when his arm lands around my shoulder, we both glance down at the similar tats on our wrists. The Void. It makes my heart tingle with love, with loyalty, with sadness.
“I am so happy for you, man,” I rasp. Austin crooks a hesitant smile, then claps my shoulder.
“Thanks, couz. I appreciate it. Really.”
Samuel comes in, handing us both another drink. He’s back into his usual outfit of a tailored, black suit, his bodyguard garment, and clinks his glass with us. “It will be good to officially become family.” His dark gaze lingers on Austin, the tiniest of warnings in them to be good for his brother Connor. I appreciate that, know what it feels to be part of a tight group. Charlie peaks his way around the door, his blond curls waving gently before his eyes find who he’s looking for.
“Samuel?” It’s all he needs to say for the big bodyguard to tip his glass our direction in a salute, then walks off, toward his lover. His retreating steps seem to reverberate in my core, creating a thud that matches the beating of my heart. When he crosses the threshold, he passes Ro. His dark hair looks messy, strands sticking out like weeds, and his moss-green shirt is crumbled, with two buttons missing. It reveals his toned chest, and makes my eyes jump up in surprise. My cousin’s nothing if not a tidy, polite mobster boss. For him to show up this disorganized is just…
“D—” He swallows, face flushing. Instead of saying anything else, he just closes the door behind him, the ice cubes clinking when he takes a swig. We haven’t been like this, just the three of us, for a long time.I’ll miss you,I want to tell Austin, because it’s true. But it’s not in my sarcastic nature to utter words like those, so instead I sweep my gaze over Ro’s disheveled state, and snark, “Are you and D. fucking?” It comes out more sharply than intended, its underlying meaning drenched in hurt, in a hidden yearning that’s so foreign that I won’t even go there, and I instantly hold up my hands. “Sorry man, that was ugly. It’s just—”
“I know,” Ro interrupts, knowing,alwaysknowing. He throws the bottle of whiskey in my direction, and I squeeze my glass between my thighs as I open the cap and poor us some more. “I’ll miss him too.” Austin swallows audibly, and when I turn to face him, I see that his onyx stare flickers between me and Ro.
This. It’s everything I’ve ever known. Our entwined existence, our families, our banters, our fights and laughter, has come to a point where it will never be the same again. Life as we know will end, and something new will be given in return. It makes my heart ache with nostalgia.
“I won’t be far,” Austin mumbles while I fill up his glass again, his voice thick. It’s a lie, we all know that, because Paris is not exactly driving distance. But we forgive him nevertheless, because the statement is necessary and needs to be said aloud, needs to reassure us that we won’t be left with the scraps. What we have—this—it will continue to exist. It needs to. The shape might change, but it will be there until we die. Because we belong together. Our blood, our bond.
“More.” The bottle pours.
