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“Look, I know I need to re-earn your trust,” I begin. “I’d feel the same way if I were you. So, if you want me to, I’ll take a urine test every hour on the hour. I’ll—”
“Stop,” he whispers, not quite able to meet my eye. “I’m with someone now. Lucie. I wasn’t looking to move on, but we share the dock and it’s just—”
My jaw falls. “Her?You’re withher?”
I’d thought I might need to prove I was clean, that I might need to seduce him into giving me another chance, but I never pictured him replacing me…especially not with some little lip-biting twit.
“You saw her?” he croaks, tugging at his hair, finally showing some emotion.
Thisis what’s upset him. Not all the shit going down at his company, which I’ve been following in the news, and not that his wife took off for a year without a word. But the pretty little teenager with the big eyes and palpable insecurity—thatwoke his ass right up.What the fuck?
“She came out here about twenty minutes ago and took off,” I reply. “You can’t be serious. What could you and that girl possibly have in common?”
“We have everything in common. Fucking everything that matters. What did you tell her?”
My shoulders go up—I’m the picture of innocence. Only an idiot would believe thatI’minnocent, ever, but Caleb’s clearly too distraught to think things through. “Nothing. I just told her who I was and she took off.” I swallow hard and my voice is barely a whisper when it emerges. “Is it serious?”
His wince tells me this is going to hurt. “Yeah. As soon as this is done, I’m going to marry her.”
My stomach drops and my lungs burn, but I remain very, very still, as if I’ve suffered a grave injury and it’s safest not to move—I can no longer be the version of myself who reacts badly to unfortunate events.
Caleb doesn’t want me back.Caleb thinks he’s in love. WithLucie—rosy-cheeked and pocket-sized, all sweetness and light. She even has dimples, for Christ’s sake. She is the anti-Kate. And I just laid there laughing at her, black-clad and indolent. Staying where I wasn’t wanted, as always.
He glances back again at what is apparentlyherfucking house. His broad shoulders strain against his perfectly tailored suit jacket as he tugs at his hair. I’ve hungered for the sight of him for months, but right now, looking at him is painful. He’s so worried, so desperate, and I don’t recall him ever worrying like that about me.
“I’m so sorry, but I’ve got to go. I think we’ll need to file the divorce paperwork differently now that you’re back, but I’ll give you a call?”
“Sure,” I whisper, mute with shock. My hand goes to my neck, searching for the cold metal of a locket that is no longer there. How many damn years will it take before I stop searching for it? “I’ll be around.”
He turns and stalks up the hill toward his driveway, already on his cell. That’s how fast I’ve been forgotten. Months and months of rehab to get back to him, to prove I’ve changed…and it’s as if I never came home.
Recovery often feels like a ledge you’ve been clinging to for a little too long, and this is the worst kind of moment—the kind where your fingers begin to slip and you just want the relief of the landing, even if it kills you. It was only Caleb who got me through rehab, that fantasy I had about the two of us. Who am I without it? There is nothing to cling to, nothing to hope for.
I could be at my dealer’s place in minutes, burying my face in a mountain of cocaine. I could feel fucking nothing at all for as long as I wanted to. But I still want Caleb more than I want to use, and there must be a way I can fix this. Theremust. Because it’s the only outcome I can possibly survive.
There’s a screech of tires as he peels out of the cul-de-sac. How incredibly insecure must this girl be for him to freak out the way he is? If I’d been in her shoes, I’d have called Caleb, put the phone on speaker, and demanded answers, but instead, she stumbled away from me, all sad eyes and despair.
And just like that, I have my answer. Something sick and sweet fills my chest.
No, today didn’t go as planned...but they can’t possibly be as solid as Caleb thinks if one tiny conversation with me could set her off. I’ve already created a fissure in their relationship without even trying, just byexisting.
How much more damage could I do if I stayed?
Alot.
I won’t even need to fight to get him back. Sweet little Lucie’s going to do my work for me.
2
BECK
Caleb
Kate’s back.
Istare at those words for too long. They could mean a whole lot of things, but for most of the people involved, none of those things are good.
Are you still going through with the divorce?
