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1
KATE
The home my husband has bought in my absence is a mid-century dump, as far from our ultra-modern townhouse as it could possibly be. I hate it on sight.
It overlooks a lake—another thing I hate. Still, brackish water and the squelch of mud underfoot is something to be suffered through on a survival show, not enjoyed, but given that I had to get Caleb’s new address from the divorce papers he had me served with, I’m not in a position to quibble.
I pick my way over the splintery dock in his backyard until I’ve reached its end. I’ve got no desire to be sitting here, but I could use some sun and I’m guessing I won’t need to wait long. Caleb is heading to Maui today to announce his company’s merger, and even if I had to learn aboutthatfrom the press, I know my husband—there’s no way he’s showing up on a tropical island in a suit and tie. He’ll come home to change first.
I stretch out on the deck, pulling back my long red hair while trying to ignore the stink of mud and sewage coming off the lake. Why the hell he’d have chosen this place with the Pacific a few miles away is beyond me. We’ll figure it out—if he takes me back.
If, if, if. God, I can’t wait to have this all behind me.
“He’ll forgive you,” I say aloud, not because I entirely believe it, but simply because I don’t know what I’ll do if that’s not the case.
Yes, he hasn’t heard from me since I cleaned out his checking account and skipped town a year ago, but I’m better now, and it was his photo I clutched in my hand all those long nights I spent in rehab, barely holding on. It was the hope of coming back to him that kept me sober at my lowest points. Surely, if I want to fix our marriage this badly, he must too? He’ll be wary at first, but once he hears how long I’ve been clean, once he sees how committed I am, once I’ve reached for his belt and he’s unable to say no…he’ll come around. I know he will.
I close my eyes, relishing the sun on my face—the only place you could sit outside at the halfway house was always occupied by the chain smokers—but no sooner have I begun to relax than the slam of a screen door jars me. I raise up on my forearms and sigh as I spy the girl next door stepping onto her back deck, already staring in my direction.
Ugh.Another part of life at the lake I’m not interested in, above and beyond the gross lake itself: neighbors. Neighbors who want to host potlucks and “game night,” neighbors who stop you every goddamn time you pull up to your house to talk about the weather or comment on how much you work.
I’ll adjust. To the lake. To the fucking neighbors. I’m a shiny new version of Kate, one who’s going to make Caleb happy. The last version mostly sucked at it. She sucked at a lot of things, actually.
The girl who slammed the door is heading my way.Super. She’s younger than me, in her late teens or early twenties, and even from a distance she’s striking—all glowing skin and curves and wide eyes. She’s the sort of female who banks on her looks getting her anything she wants. I shouldn’t fault her for this, since I am precisely that kind of female myself, but I’m not in the mood to be generous right now.
She walks down the dock, her perky ponytail swinging to and fro, and comes to a stop in front of me. “Hi. I’m Lucie. I, uh, live next door.”
I force a smile,because I am the new Kate, the one who doesn’t tell complete strangers to fuck off, especially ones I may be living beside for the foreseeable future. “I’m Kate. Caleb’s wife.”
She bites her lip and her face falls like a child’s might, before stumbling away without a word. A silly little girl with a crush, and I can’t even blame her: Caleb is delicious and smart and wears the hell out of a suit. He could have had anyone, but he chose me, and he’ll choose me again.
He has to.
It’s another thirty minutes before the moment of reckoning arrives. My breath hitches at the sight of my husband, broad-shouldered and lovely as ever, walking down the hill from his driveway. The cocky grin I remember is missing, but I ignore that, just like I’m ignoring those divorce papers he sent.
“Hi,” I whisper, as I climb to my feet. Before he can even reply, I throw my arms around his neck and squeeze.Ah, his size. His smell. This is what I’ve missed, what I wanted all those nights in rehab. I breathe him in, trying to carry us both back to happier times, but his arms don’t come around me the way they once did. He hugs me as if I’m a secretary who’s retiring—one he never especially liked—then steps away.
“You should have told me you were coming,” he says.
I stare up, drinking him in, unable to help myself. His eyes are a color I’ve only seen one other time in my life, hazel near the pupil, green at the perimeter. When I go to sleep at night, that’s what I see. Those eyes of his.
I smile, still hoping to turn things around. “I was worried you’d run in the opposite direction.”
He’s supposed to laugh or deny it. He does neither.
“I guess you got the papers?” He glances at the house to the left before his gaze returns to mine.
I nod as my throat constricts. I’ve pictured this so many times. I’ve imagined his wariness giving way to a slow, uncertain smile once he sees how healthy I am. I’ve pictured him excited to have me home. But there’s not a trace of a smile or excitement on his face. Persuading him might be harder than I’d thought.
“Yeah.” I take a deep breath. “Can we talk?”
He glances over his shoulder again. “Sure. Of course. I’ve got a flight to catch, but—”
“I’ve been clean for three months, Caleb. I know I fucked up and I shouldn’t have left rehab in the first place, but I went back. For you. For us. I want to start over.”
He takes too long to reply, his brow furrowed with concern. “Kate, you were gone for a year. I had no idea where you were or if you werealiveuntil a few weeks ago. I had to move on. Ididmove on. I’ll help however I can, but anything between us is over.”
I stiffen.No. I’m not sure what he means when he says hemoved on, butno. He can’t. He wouldn’t.
