Page 14 of Pity Party


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Sammy and I got so good at paddleboarding last summer that we went out as close as we could to the buoys to ride the waves created by the boats. We had such a good time, I promised to take her to Hawaii this summer so we could learn how to surf. But instead, we wound up staying put so we could pack up our house to move. To quote Robert Burns, “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” I think that goes double when those plans involve kids.

I spend the afternoon on the lake in blissful reflection. The only thing that would have made the time more enjoyable would have been having my daughter with me. Instead, I spend a few hours thinking about the future.

When we decided to move, I promised Sammy I would only work part-time and that would be while she’s in school. I don’t plan on working during summer break, but as this summer only has two weeks left, there’s still some stuff I need to tie up.

I only have six more years with my daughter until she goes to college. The thought is enough to paralyze me with dread. Sammy has been my whole life for twelve years. I’m not going to know who I am without her.

I gaze across the rippling surface of the lake toward the family I’ve been slowly tailing. There’s a mom, a dad, and three kids. They’re laughing together and seemingly having the time of their lives. It’s a tableau I used to envision for myself.

I spent years being mad at Beth for not staying with us, and for not giving Sammy any siblings. As time passed, the anger didn’t dissipate, it only grew. Then when Sammy was six, I had a bout of chest pains I thought would take me off the planet and away from my little girl. That’s when I realized anger only bred more anger and that I was the one hurting my family, not Beth.

As strange as it sounds, you have to respect someone when they know themselves well enough to make a hard decision. Had Beth stayed with us and been miserable, we all would have suffered. Not to mention it would have made saying goodbye that much harder, especially for Sammy. So, I got myself a therapist and hired a personal trainer, and I moved forward with my life.

After turning in my paddleboard, I decide to drive into town and check in with Sam. I text her as soon as I get to the car.

Daddio: I’m on my way to find you. Are you still at school?

When she doesn’t answer right away, I start driving.

I can see why Elk Lake is such a popular summer destination. It feels like stepping back into an era of simple pleasures. It’s the perfect place to recharge your battery. The good news for us is that we live here now.

My first stop is the junior high school where I check out the playground and the adjacent track. Sammy isn’t there and I wonder if she’s inside.

Daddio: Sam, where are you?

Sam: I thought you were waiting to hear from me.

Daddio: I miss you and I want to hang out. Where are you?

Sam: I’m at Bride’s Paradise downtown.

Daddio: Why?

Sam: My new friend Melissa works here. She’s besties with my new math teacher.

Daddio: You’ve been there all day?

Sam: Totally! It’s been the best day, too.

I love that my daughter is so happy, but I’m still a bit trepidatious at what kind of adult lets a stray kid spend the day in their shop. She’s probably a grandmother who’s missing time with her grandkids.

Daddio: I’ll be there in five.

Sam: I’ll meet you out front.

Daddio: No way. I want to meet your new friend.

Sam: Cool.

After driving the ten blocks to the downtown district, I park in front of the curb across from my destination. I quickly run my hands through my hair, wishing I’d dressed a bit nicer before coming into town. My plan had simply been to pick up Sammy and head home.

After crossing the street, I open the door to Bride’s Paradise. I’m not sure what I expect to see, but what I don’t expect is to find my daughter counseling a future bride on which dress she should pick.

Sammy eyes the tall blonde thoughtfully before saying, “I don’t think your hips are big enough to really carry off the mermaid tail dress, but this one makes you look like a princess.”

The woman stares at herself in front of the mirror for a long moment before answering, “You’re right, Sammy.” Then she signals a woman across the store and adds, “This is the dress, Melissa.”

As Melissa turns around, I’m struck dumb. She looks enough like Beth to be her sister. Until she smiles. Then all thoughts of my ex leave my head.

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