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“I’m sorry. I could have sworn I turned off my phone.” He took it out, his head rocking a little back as he took in the number. He quickly hit the button to end the call. “I was just saying, we hope you—” Again, his phone started ringing. “I’m so sorry. I was holding the button down, trying to turn it off.”
My good hand rose as I glanced over noticing an older woman and a tall man with blondish-brown hair in the distance, talking. The wide shoulders and lean waist gave me pause as he turned more in my direction, laughing and fiddling with his phone as if he were texting. But he didn’t face me completely. I could barely see his profile. I returned my gaze back to the boy. “No worries. It seems important. You better take that. I’m doing great, so…” I shrugged. “Thank you so much for the books. They’re exactly what I need.”
“It’s okay. I don’t even know who it is. They can wait. I’m glad you’re doing better. Really, I’m sorry again for—”
More ringing. The boy’s eyes widened. “I saw it power off.”
“Must be a sign you should answer. I’m getting tired anyway. Thank you for the books.”
He nodded, glancing down at his now silent phone. “Of course. I hope you have a good nap. My apologies.” He took a step back, spinning as he walked off. As I brought my hand back in, I hadn’t realized how bad it had been shaking. I’d done my best to force myself out of my room, but it was time I got back. Every door I passed. Every person I encountered. It was either fear or shame that left me fleeing back to the safe haven of my room, and here I was, standing and getting ready to run back to it again.
A deep breath left me as I took in the now opened space. The man and older woman were suddenly nowhere to be seen. Only a random nurse was heading towards the hall to my left. I kept my steps as fast as I felt comfortable, slowing as the boy’s voice made its way from around the other side of the nurse’s station.
“I don’t understand it, Grandma.” His hands were lifted as his head shook. “I did exactly as you said. I know I turned it off in the parking lot, yet it started ringing…three different times. I could barely get a word in with Ms. Marshall. It wasn’t even picking up a number. It said No Caller ID. It’s so strange. We turned off our phones together. I don’t understand how it kept turning back on.”
I tore my eyes from them, averting my gaze to the guard as I approached my door. I couldn’t bear to talk to anyone else. What I wanted was peace. Or maybe I could talk to…” I slowed, looking over my shoulder back to the kid and his grandma as they stood outside of the elevator. Surely, it wasn’t—it couldn’t be.
I was letting my delusions get the best of me again.
Stopping, I looked around the nurse’s station and towards the different halls. Cameras were at the entrance of each one. There was even one pointing right at my door. They were everywhere. No. Perhaps it was time I talked to the shrink they suggested. I couldn’t tell her this though. I couldn’t tell a soul.
“How are you feeling?” I jumped as the nurse continued. “Are you ready for your next dose? I think you’ve pushed it back long enough.”
She stood from the desk as I nodded. The pain was getting unbearable. I hurt everywhere, but there was something comforting in that. Whether I wanted it or not, I was alive when I shouldn’t have been. Yet…I was alive. It was almost too much to think what that even meant for me now. Would people recognize me once I left? When I healed? Would they always be over my shoulder, reminding me what I so desperately wanted to forget? Or maybe the scars would do that on their own. Who needed people when your reflection said everything?
“Let me help you.”
The nurse assisted me into bed. By the time I had my medication and clean bandages, all I wanted was to shut my eyes. The door closed behind her, and instead of giving into sleep, I took in the blank TV screen. At any time, I could have lifted it into the ceiling to make it disappear. There were reasons I didn’t. One, I couldn’t turn away from who I was now. Every free moment, I took in the damage. I studied it. This was who I was. This had really happened to me. Acceptance. Two…him. If I had my television up, he might not be able to communicate with the power. He obviously wasn’t calling again, but I had this part of him, and it helped me, even if it wasn’t real. Even if this was me. Was it? Was I doing this?
I’d figure that out eventually. Or maybe not. I read enough books to know some people never came back from events like the one I’d gone through. Obsessing over what was real or not wasn’t going to do me any good right now. Facing a terrifying truth would only make me worse. I needed to think he was watching. I needed him to make me feel safe. At least for now.
“I haven’t decided on a good name for you yet. I can’t call you God, but ghost doesn’t seem right either.” I pulled the blanket higher on my lap as I lowered the top of the bed just the smallest amount. “Do you have a name? Can you somehow tell it to me? Probably not. I guess that wouldn’t be safe. Was that you who called that boy?”
Heat flooded my face and embarrassment had me clearing my throat as Detective Mallory walked in, knocking at the same time.
“I’m sorry. The nurse said you were awake. Were you talking to someone?”
“No. I mean, yes. I was talking to myself. I do that sometimes.”
“Oh.” The detective glanced around the room again, before heading towards the bed to look at me. “I just wanted to follow up from our last visit. You seem to be doing better.”
“I am, thank you. Is it just you? Detective…I’m sorry, I forgot his name. He’s not here?”
“Adame, and yes, he’s just outside talking to your nurse. Have you remembered anything else since we last spoke?”
Aching took over my good fist as I let go of the comforter I was squeezing. “You mean, you haven’t found David yet? No dungeon? Did you look at towns by the woods? I mean…he took me to a place with a lot of trees, and it didn’t take us very long to get there from his house. I don’t know where it was but…I’m sorry. I’m talking fast.
“It’s okay. No need to apologize, Ms. Marshall. We’re still looking into some places, and we have some great leads, but nothing has surfaced quite yet.”
“Oh.” My breaths were deepening again. The icy touch of death kept creeping up my spine. I knew this feeling well, but there was no reason for me to panic. David was dead. He had been killed. The man on the phone assured me of that. “I wish I could remember more. I…I’m trying. I just don’t know what else I can tell you.”
“You’ve told us more than enough. I just wanted to stop by and check. If you do recall anything else, please give us a call.”
“I will. Thank you for stopping by.”
He nodded, leaving me feeling worse than I had in days. I scanned the room remembering only a minute ago I had been talking out loud, even jokingly, as if someone was listening. What if they weren’t. What if…Fuck.
If I had ever felt unsure of my ghost, it didn’t compare to how much I was questioning him now. Or myself. What if I wasn’t okay? What if I had invented it all? Did a man even meet us out in the woods? Had he even dropped me off at the store? What if I walked there myself? What if…I killed David, and I couldn’t remember? Couldn’t I have invented the call as a way to release the guilt? What if I were suppressing it because of the reality of the entire situation? After all, one of the last things I remembered was staring into the light. Then, the silhouette. I doubted anyone saw me get dropped off. There was probably no footage of me outside the store. What was real? What was happening?
