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He gave a smile I couldn’t quite return. Hell, I couldn’t think of anything but Laura. Tomorrow, she’d be six weeks along. Although she didn’t know, she’d find out real fast if I wasn’t there. The appointment at the clinic was in the morning. It was so they could see if her stitches were dissolved, but I figured they’d want my answer on whether I wanted the pregnancy terminated or not.
I wouldn’t think of that yet. In life, I either went all in or all out, and right now I was on the highest cliff I'd ever stood on. It was step back or fall. The answer wouldn’t come. It was trapped. Waiting…and for what I didn’t know. That I was even so conflicted fucked me up even more. The decision shouldn’t have been this hard.
But it was, and I was running out of time. Laura would find out tomorrow, unless she defied my order. I told her about the appointment, but I wasn’t sure if she’d obey and actually go. She wouldn’t talk to me at all when I’d left. Pain. I could still see it in her eyes. She had told the doctor she felt betrayed. I could see where she thought that. Hell…maybe I was guilty of it.
I pushed through the conference doors, trying to ignore how it was already dark outside. Nagging thoughts added to my overwhelming unease. Guilt, which was usually worse, taunted me with each step. My mother could rot in hell for all I cared. There’d be no dinner with her. Not after the lecture she gave me on manners last night. If I had to spend one more minute—hear her call me another name—listen to her berate me—
Anger and dread collided when it shouldn’t have. I should have been prepared for this to happen.It always did.
A groan was all I could manage as I slowed my approach to the elevator. It wasn’t the first time my mother arrived at my work because I stood her up. It sure as hell wouldn’t be the last. Her arms lifted, her hand moving angrily through the words she signed regardless she’d had the fucking surgery to hear. I paid for that. Still, she preferred this method to communicate with me when she was angry. At least now it didn’t remind me so much of my shitty childhood and instead made me think about Laura. Even that wasn’t a good thing.
“It’s after eight. You said six. You’re late. That’s twice this week. Were you even planning to come see me, or did you expect me to sit there all night waiting for you again?”
“Hello, Mother. John says hi.”
I didn’t bother to sign. I walked up, pressing the button to the elevator, barely even giving her my attention as I did so. She hated that, and it’s exactly why I did it.
“John is a good man. You on the other hand are a disgrace, Edward. You could have at least called.”
“She speaks. Yes, I guess I could have, except I was in an important meeting and couldn’t. You know how it is.”
“I know that’s the excuse you love to give me. Where are you taking me? I missed dessert to make it up here. You know how bad traffic can get.”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t have come. I’m afraid you’re going to have to find your own dessert tonight. I have things I need to take care of.”
“Put them off. You made plans with me. It is your responsibility to follow through with them.”
“I said no. You’d be wise not to make me repeat it. Now is not the time.”
“How…dare you speak to me like that. Did you hear nothing I said over dinner last night? How could you treat me this way? After all I’ve done for you?Sacrificed for you.How is it that you’re my son?”
“Biology.”
The door opened, and I kept my stare off her, forcing her to speak as she hurried in to follow me. I pressed the button for the garage, hating every minute of my life. Maybe I should have stayed with Laura and worked things out. I could have told her my past. She’d understand then. I could explain to her how the entire situation scared the living hell out of me. How was she? Had she left the apartment at all? I had so many questions. None of which I had answers to, and I couldn’t stand it.
“Luck. Yes, I wassolucky. Anyone who saw how we lived would know better. I won’t think about the past. I go into a fit every time I do. You promised me a movie date at the end of the month. Are you planning on backing out of that too? Or were you just going to stand me up for that as well? Tell me now so I can prepare. I don’t think my heart can continue to take this behavior from you lately.”
“I’m probably going to stand you up.” I turned at her gasp. I usually wasn’t so mean, but I didn’t have the temperament to deal with her at the moment. “Relax. I said I’ll take you, and I will. Now, just isn’t a good time for me.”
“Obviously. Why is that? What could be more important than your mother?”
Her hand was back to signing as she talked. It had my fingers pushing through my hair while I tried not to grip on and rip it out.
“I do have a life, you know.” I sighed at her look, trying to get a handle on myself. “I can’t talk about it, Mother. Just know I’m busy, and I’ll visit or take you out when I can.”
“You’re not in trouble again, are you, Edward? I mean.” She stopped talking, signing instead.“The anger. Has it come back like before? You said you were getting help, but it’s been so long. You don’t mention it anymore but you’re obviously feeling aggressive and lashing out. You’re being downright awful to me.”
My blood reached its boiling point. I made the mistake of fabricating a story about a girl back in college being pregnant and losing the baby, and I still couldn’t live down myanger issuessince the story revolved around us getting in a fight. It was from her losing it over the stress of our fight to me being the murdering bad guy causing her to lose it. If my bitch mother only knew the truth. I should have never had that moment of weakness and tried to confide in her. I’d never get any tenderness or approval. Hell, I’d gone to a psychologist for years just to appease her.To make her see I was trying. It wasn’t enough. Maybe she sensed my killer. Maybe she knew and that’s why she hated me so much. At this point, I didn’t care either way.
“I don’t mention it because it’s not a problem. It never was.” The door opened, and we walked out, stopping not far away from where her driver sat, waiting.
“If that’s not it, then tell me what’s bothering you. I can help.”
“More like degrade or destroy. I’ll take care of this.”
Her lip curled back. “But you won’t, Edward. You’ll probably only make it worse. What did you muck up now? Just tell me this doesn’t revolve around some girl. Surely, you’re not stupid enough to be playing the dating game again. We’ve already had that talk. They’re only after your money. No one could love you.”
My eyes cut over. “No. I guess they couldn’t. Goodnight, Mother.”
