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I fail miserably. Foam and spit drip from my bottom lip with each mumbled word, making Mason laugh out loud. His whole face lights up, and I really wish he would do it more often.
I’ll make it my new goal to make him laugh like that every day.
TEAGAN
“I could get used to this.”
I take a break from my chicken Caesar salad to look around the suite. My brother has already made himself at home by the looks of it. There are empty bottles on pretty much every flat surface—soda, iced tea, water, dirty plates, and crumpled-up napkins. A pizza box on the kitchen counter holds a couple of pieces of crust and nothing else. “It looks like you have already gotten used to this,” I say before shaking my head. “You should really pick up after yourself.”
His face falls like a kid who just found out he has to go to summer school. “Why?” He gestures around vaguely with a french fry before popping it into his mouth. “There are people who do that stuff.”
“It doesn’t look like those people have been around lately.”
He chews a little more slowly, like he’s thinking about it. I love my brother. I would do anything for him. But there are times I wonder how he can possibly be so clueless. “That’s true. Nobody came by yesterday.”
“You’re not the only person staying here. They probably have lots of other rooms to clean… of paying customers. You can at least throw your trash in the can.”
“Oh, come on.” He flops back in his chair with a groan. “You’re taking all the fun out of it.”
Really, he amazes me. “Fun? This is fun for you?”
“Uh, yeah.” You would think we’ve never met, the way he looks at me. He’s staring the way he would at a stranger who randomly started speaking in tongues. “I don’t have to think about money. I don’t have to work. I don’t have to worry about anything. I want something to eat, I call downstairs, and they bring it to me. No threat from bad guys. I mean, what’s not to like?”
“I guess you’re right. We’ll probably never have the opportunity to live like this again.” Why wouldn’t everything turn out okay? In the end, it always does, even if there are close calls and a few scares along the way.
“Well, even with all this luxury, I’m about ready to lose it,” I continue. I wish I could relax the way he does. I really do. Instead, my nerves are ready to shred pretty much all the time, with no straight answers to my endless questions and nothing to do. I have no control over my life and no chance to make my own decisions. For someone who’s used to being busy, it’s torture. “You’re telling me you aren’t bored out of your mind around here?”
“Bored?” He waves to the TV, where some random show plays. The volume is turned down so we can hear each other, but from the frantic way people are gesturing, it seems pretty intense. “I can watch whatever I want. I can sleep all day if I feel like it. It’s like being on vacation. Why can’t you relax and enjoy it? I mean, what other choice do you have?”
“Sometimes I wonder how we’re related,” I say gently, without any bitterness or resentment. “We are so different. I can’t stop worrying that I’ve lost my job since I haven’t shown up for my shifts or called anybody. I doubt they’ll let me come back when this is over. What am I supposed to do? How do I live?”
He polishes off what’s left of his burger and takes his time draining the rest of his soda before smacking his lips and then sighing. “Tell me something.” He hits me with his penetrating gaze, reminding me he knows me better than anyone. “When’s the last time you had a job where you weren’t living paycheck to paycheck?”
He has a way of surprising me with probing questions like that, the kind that sort of knock me off balance for a second while I try to get my thoughts together. “How about never?”
“Right. That’s what I thought.”
“What’s your point?”
“My point is…” He gets up and makes a big deal about moving around the space, picking up empty bottles and taking them to the trash can under the kitchen sink. “Maybe stop worrying about your latest shitty job that you only took because they were willing to give you enough hours to make ends meet and look at this as an opportunity.”
“An opportunity for what?”
“To figure out what you actually want to do.” There’s a faint growl in his voice like he’s frustrated. “You’ve got nothing else to do but make a plan for how you want your life to look after this. All of your needs are taken care of.”
“I’m practically being held hostage, or did you forget about that? I can’t even convince Mason to let me go out.” And forget getting him to come with me. He’s too busy and important for that. If I had known our trip out to get pancakes would be our big outing, I might have thought twice about answering Jase’s call.
“Boo-hoo,” Jase quips. I swear, I’m going to strangle him. “Poor you, living in the lap of luxury with plenty of time to stop panicking and start planning. What a damn shame.”
“You make it sound so easy.” I jab my fork through a piece of grilled chicken like it’s the chicken that’s on my last nerve and not my brother.
“I don’t see why it has to be complicated. You’re stuck in that mindset.” He taps his fingers to his temple. “You need to get out of it. Or else all you’ll ever be good for is stocking groceries and pouring drinks. And I know you want more than that.”
Sometimes, he comes up with something so logical that it’s almost infuriating. “I don’t even know what I want to do,” I admit.
“I know, and that’s okay. Nobody’s pressuring you to figure anything out right away. I’m just saying, think about it.”
So I try to think about it while he straightens up the suite. I don’t know whether he’s doing it because he knows he has to or trying to prove a point. Either way, it will be nice not having to be embarrassed by my brother’s sloppiness. I know he isn’t my responsibility, but I can’t help feeling like he is sometimes. He’s a reflection of me. You would think I was the older sibling.
