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You’re okay. You’re with Trey and Link. You’re okay.
I hear her in my head—she’s singing “The Middle” by Jimmie Eat World, her voice a gentle hum in my ears.
“‘It just takes some time, little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride. Everything, everything will be just fine….’”
But the tune doesn’t seem to drown out the dripping. It’s so loud. Then she’s not singing anymore. I see her pale, limp hand dangling out of the tub of crimson water. Blood runs down her wrist in rivulets, trickling onto the tiled floor.
The sound of it—drip, drip, drip—is all I hear.
“Charlie.”
It’s Trey’s voice, but it’s far away and muffled.
“One-hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight…” I mumble. My heart is beating so hard it hurts.Why won’t she wake up?“Mom. Please.” A sob rips from my throat.
Drip, drip, drip.
“Ninety-one, ninety, eighty-nine…”
“Charlie!” They’re saying my name together now, and strong, warm hands are shaking me.
“I’m sorry, Seb. I’m sorry, Marcus.”
I’m trembling.
“‘Everything, everything will be all right….’”
“Charlie, sweetheart, come back to us.” Trey’s voice is gentle and soothing, and suddenly I can feel the cotton of Link’s bed sheets against my skin. And his fingers are tracing up and down my arm, while Trey’s callused hands cup my cheeks.
I open my eyes, staring into Trey’s warm brown ones. They’re full of fear and concern. “Baby, we’re here,” he whispers.
Tears soak into the pillow as another sob shakes my body. I press my face to his chest and cry as the panic attack subsides, and his arms wrap around me. Lincoln presses his body against my back, cocooning me against his warm skin. Their heartbeats falling in unison with mine are measured and comforting. Finally, I take a shuddering breath and pull back, feeling embarrassed.
I sit up and press my back to the headboard, the sheet pooling around my waist. I rub the moisture from my eyes, straining to see in the darkness. I can still hear the rain, but it’s not as loud.
“What happened, Sunshine?” Link pushes himself up.
“Panic attack,” I whisper. I clear my throat, and I’m not sure they hear me.
Trey sits up, frowning. “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to.” His words are low and quiet between us. I considerhiding it like I always did from Seb, but knowing they can’t see my face gives me courage.
“I dreamed of the day I found my mom.” Link’s muscles stiffen.
“She cut her wrists, and I was the one who found her.”
“Is that when you started having panic attacks?” Trey’s voice is soft.
“Sort of. They started after Matt cheated on me and got worse after my mom died. But my stepdad leaving was when they got really bad.”
“What do you mean he left?” Link asks.
“I came home from school one day, and he was just…gone.” My voice breaks. “He didn’t leave anything except the stuff in my room and enough food for a week or two.”
The guys scoot closer to me, bare thighs brushing my skin, their body heat mingling with mine. But they stay silent, and I continue.
“I was alone for a year,” I continue. “I couldn’t afford the tuition here even on a scholarship after I graduated, so I worked at the old video store on Fourth for six months, saving what I could.”
“Jesus…” Link’s voice is raspy with pain. “I’m so sorry.”
