AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I stop, suddenly overwhelmed by it all.
“I’m just not sure I even want to know now,” I blurt out, surprising myself. “I thought I did at first, but what if… what if it’s not him? This Lochlan guy? I can’t put the genie back in the box now, can I? So if it turns out Lochlan’snotmy dad, I’m going to wonder who it is. And if itishim, that might be even worse.”
“Worse? How so?” McTavish frowns, confused.
“Because he left me.” I let out a shaky sigh. “And Mum. He didn’t want me, McTavish. What if hestilldoesn’t want me? What if he meets me, and he doesn’t like me? Because whywouldhe? I’m a complete mess.”
“Ye’re not a mess, Lexie,” McTavish begins, but now I’ve started talking, it’s like I don’t know how to stop.
“I am,” I insist, my voice sounding oddly high pitched. “I’m a mess. I’m single. I’m broke. I have 56p to my name. I’m a meme, McTavish. I’m a fuckingmeme.”
“There, there,” says McTavish, reaching out and patting my hand comfortingly. I can tell he’s wishing he hadn’t started this conversation now. “It’s all right, lass.”
“It’s not all right, though, is it?” I go on in a rush. “It’sneverbeen alright. I ruin everything. Everything I touch goes wrong. I’ve lost two jobs this week and I’ll probably lose this one, too. So why would he like me; this Lochlan? What if he decides he doesn’twantto be my dad after all? What if… what if I’m not good enough?”
I’m crying now, to my absolute horror. McTavish scratches his head awkwardly, as if he’s wondering what the hell he’s supposed to do with the weeping woman behind his bar. Then he comes round to where I’m standing.
“You are good enough, Lexie,” he says firmly, putting his arms around me. “And if this Lochlan bloke cannae see that, thenhe’sthe one ye should be calling a bawbag.”
I allow myself to relax into his embrace, suddenly realizing that, other than Mum, he’s the first person who’s touched me in weeks.
“I… I don’t even know if I have an interest-free amount,” I wail, as my emotions finally get the better of me.
“Er, I’m sure that’ll be okay, too,” says McTavish doubtfully, patting my shoulder. “Maybe we could talk to Brian? He used to work at the bank.”
I rest my head on his shoulder, allowing myself to feel briefly comforted by his presence.
And that, of course, is the moment Jett chooses to walk in.
Twelve
At first, I think he hasn’t seen me.
He’s notexpectingto see me here, for one thing, so, as soon asIseehimwalk through the door of the clubhouse, closely followed by a few other members of theMacbethcast, I bury my face into McTavish’s shoulder, desperately trying to angle my body away from the door.
Maybe he’ll think it’s someothershort blonde girl with really bad roots?
“Lexie? Lexie, is that you?”
Yeah. That worked well, then.
I reluctantly let go of McTavish, who looks vaguely shell shocked by what just happened.
“Oh. Er, hi,” I say, tucking my hair behind my ear and pretending to rearrange some wineglasses. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”
“Obviously.”
Jett’s mouth is set in a thin line, and he’s looking at McTavish as if he reallyisMacbeth, and McTavish is King Malcolm.
“I better get back to work,” says McTavish, apparently oblivious to the daggers coming out of Jett’s eyes. “Come and find me if ye need me, Lexie.”
He goes back over to the reception desk, and I continue moving glasses around, as if they’re pawns on a chessboard.
“Can I get you something?” I ask Jett, looking up at him when I finally run out of things to do.
He’s standing with his arms crossed defensively across his chest, his eyes filled with some emotion I can’t quite decode. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he looked hurt; but considering that he allegedly started seeing Violet again almost before my flight had taken off from LAX, I can’t allow myself to believe that’s the case.
“No thanks,” he says. “I’m not staying.”
