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She burst out laughing uncontrollably.
Was this what her pathetic life was boiling down to? Being accosted by Larry, Moe, and Curly on the beach, pretending to be fierce pirates that were correcting each other’s verbiage and discussing old wounds…
Where was Shemp?
Calista was so broken, so lost, and so forlorn that her laughter quickly turned to sobs as she stared at them, sinking to her knees there in the sand… officially giving up, as she wept.
One of the men awkwardly patted her on the back – while another patted her on the head like she was some newly found puppy dog.
“I ain’t never seen one cry before,” the man said in confusion. “You think the lassie is scared?”
“It’s okay, missus,” came a voice – and another round of patting on the back of her head. “Ya think it’s because Shepherd kept calling her a ho?”
“’Yo ho and a bottle of rum’is a term we were supposed to memorize and use, remember?”
“On board, stupid!”
“Well, what exactly does ‘Yarrrr’mean?”
“I think it’s supposed to drive fear into people.”
“Missy, you aren’t a ho. You’re a wench.”
“Not much better, Shepherd.”
“What? A wench is a woman!”
“Marie is the wench, remember?”
“She’s also the human resources dragon that wrote me up last time…”
“For calling a woman a ho – remember?”
“Dang it…”
“The captain is going to be really mad…”
Calista swatted a hand away and hesitated, remembering the sharp looking hook, and nervous she was going to catch it on her skin – or need a tetanus shot.
“What is wrong with you people,” she snapped angrily, tears still running down her face. “Can’t you just leave me alone?”
“No missus,” the man with the eyepatch said, his eyebrows turning downwards, making his forehead crinkle slightly as he looked at her. “We’ve got a job to do – and I’m afraid we are mucking it up.”
“Is that a phrase from the captain – ‘mucking it up’? I ain’t never heard that one before…”
“What kind of job – and what are you supposed to be doing?” Calista asked bluntly, staring at the three of them. “If you are trying to kill me… just go ahead.”
All three men stood up quickly – and took a step back, staring at her in abject horror.
“Missus?”
“The captain said this would be a tough nut to crack…”
“She’s broken – like we were,” the man missing the leg said in a hoarse voice. “Missy, it’s gonna be okay. I promise. Nothing is that bad, even though it might seem like it.”
“Oh yeah?” she chuckled, feeling such overwhelming sadness within her. “And everything gets better when you become some knock-off K-Mart looking pirate?”
“She’s got a nasty temper,” the man whispered loudly behind his hook, which wasn’t muffling anything.
