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My ego could not get any bigger.
And in a few minutes, I’m pretty sure my dick is about to follow suit once again.
There’s no way we’re getting any sleep tonight. Not with the way she’s lying in my arms, gazing at me through half-lidded eyes with wonder, desire, and gratitude. If she thinks this is it, she’s in for a delicious surprise.
But I’m in no rush. We have all night. The sun only just set maybe an hour ago, and I want to savor every starlit second with this beautiful woman while I can.
Which is new. I’m not sure how to describe the feeling. I’ve slept with other women in the past, sure, but that always felt… transactional. I got mine, they got theirs, and we each went our own separate ways.
I expected my first time with Clara to be similar. That first night when she stumbled into my hotel room, her ankle swollen and her body filled with fear… I figured that once I gave her a good orgasm and had my own, we’d both feel better and just walk away.
But the moment I heard her moan my name, I knew I couldn’t let her go. Feeling her come apart on me, around me, beneath me… the addiction sank its claws into my skin and her voice filled my head with temptation for more.
Every time after, I kept telling myself it was a different type of transaction. She owed me. The fact that I’d rather extract her debt through a solid fuck than imprisonment was my gift of mercy to her.
Lies.All of it.
All fucking lies.
The longer I lie here and watch her recover, wrapped up in my arms with one of her legs draped over mine, the more I have to face reality.
I have to finally admit to myself that I’ve wanted her since Day One.
What’s eating at me is the question that no one will ever be able to answer:whichDay One?
We were far too young for feelings like this when we first met. I was sixteen when she took the stand against Tolya, and she was only eight. I didn’t know who she was, other than some kid who whimpered rehearsed lies in front of the judge and got my brother locked behind bars for the rest of his life.
But from then on, our lives were always intertwined. Greg Everett knew who I was, who my family was. Every court appeal, every attempt at parole, every moment of my investigation and pursuit for Tolya’s freedom kept us within arm’s distance of each other.
Which means Clara was always right there, right in front of me.
And I never fucking noticed.
Clara blinks up at me, her gaze dreamy. “What are you thinking about?”
“You.”
Even in the moonlight, I can see her face blush. I’ll never get tired of that, or ever stop being amazed at the way she can still blush even after we do so many dirty things together.
I use my other hand to twirl a strand of her curls around a finger. “I owe you a very serious apology.”
Her brow furrows. “What for?”
“Everything.” I sigh and smooth my hand from her side to her hip.“Mainly, for ever thinking you owed me.”
Clara leans up on one arm, her frown deepening. “But Idoowe you. I?—”
I silence her with a languid kiss. “No, Clara, you don’t. You never have. And I was so wrong to ever assume you did.”
“I don’t…” She blinks, then shakes her head. “I don’t understand.”
I don’t know how to explain the new ache in my chest. The ache that’s quickly turned into pain at realizing that, had I paid better attention to the world around me, instead of absorbing myself with anger and hatred and vengeance… I might have seen her. I might have noticed her. I could have saved her.
Willow could have been mine.
“Your father used you.” I wrap my arms around her as she nestles into me, her back to my chest and our legs tangled together with the sheets. From here, we can see the bioluminescent waves roll across the sand, framed by low-hanging leaves of the ferns and coconut trees. I kiss the top of her head and breathe her in before tucking her under my chin. “He used you to get what he wanted. Martin used you to get what he wanted. I used you to get what I wanted. And you don’t owe any of us a single goddamn thing.”
Clara turns her head to protest, but again, I silence her with a kiss. Only when I feel her relax into me do I pull away from her sweet mouth.
