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Demyen’s brow inches up. “I can see that. Where?”
I toss another shirt into the suitcase just to keep my trembling hands busy. It also gives me an excuse not to look at him when I say the next part. Because my God, I don’t have the stomach to form the words, let alone see his face when I let them out.
“Martin’s.”
The lid to the suitcase slams shut.
Demyen quickly wedges himself between me and the bed, grabbing my shoulders when I try to move away. “What did you just say?”
Fuck.I’m shaking. He’s not even holding me that hard—at all—and he’s not yelling at me.
But he’s not going to let me slip past him, either.
“I have to go back to Martin.” I steel myself for whatever wrath is about to come, despite his reassurances. When he doesn’t say anything, I feel courageous enough to meet his hardened gaze. “I have to get Willow. And… make things right for Tolya.”
Demyen shakes his head. “No. Not like this. We’ll think of something else.”
“Dem—”
“Not like this!”
I wince, and fuck—I even whimper. I hate being so fucking broken. So damaged.
He notices and immediately drops his hands to take a step back. “Clara, I…” He fists a frustrated hand in his hair and pulls at it. “Fuck!”
Again, I wince. It’s a hair trigger response, deeply ingrained from my father’s bellowing every time he started beating my mother and me. I know Demyen won’t do that to me, but my body is less easy to convince.
“We’ll get her back.” Demyen paces back and forth across the room. “I swear to you, Clara, we’ll get her back. I just need you to trust me. Just trust me and be patient while I figure this out.”
My heart squeezes painfully. He looks so tragically beautiful, so desperate and shattered with righteous fury simmering under the surface.
In a move I didn’t expect myself to be able to make so soon in the face of an unbridled man, I walk over to him and cup his cheeks in my hands once more.
He reaches for me, pulling me to him and holding me like I’ll fly away if he lets go.
“I do trust you.” I press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I trust you. And I love you. I always will.”
His breath hitches. I feel his fingers press into my sides.
“But I don’t trust Martin. I can’t. Not when he’s so desperate to get me back.” I breathe him in. This might be the last time I’ll ever hold him like this. Or the last time I ever smell his heady, intoxicating scent. “He’ll hurt Willow. I have to go back to him so she’ll be safe.”
“He’ll hurtyou.” Demyen tightens his hold on me. “I won’t let that happen. I can’t.”
I swallow back my tears. “I’m her mother. It’s her or me, and it has to be me. It always has to be me.”
I don’t know what’s going through his head. But something shifts, and a new kind of pain flashes in his eyes. He shuts them tight, burying his face in my hair.
I don’t want to leave him.
I don’t want to say goodbye and live the rest of my life without him. I don’t want to dream of him at night only to wake up back in the horrible hovel of existence Martin has in store for me.
But Willow needs me. And I need to be there to protect her.
I think, deep down, Demyen knows that.
He has to.
“I need to go.” Tears slip from my eyes as I try to ease away from him. “I need to… I have to…” I suck in a deep breath and pry his fingers off my waist. “You need to make sure Martin holds up his end of the deal. Get Tolya out. And then…”
