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“Nothing.”
She directs the conversation elsewhere—finals, her parents’ reaction when she told them she was bringing three guys home, some of her favorite places that she’d like to show us while we’re in town, et cetera.
I well and truly thought we’d moved past me when Athelia blurts, “Isn’t it dangerous that you’re not sleeping enough?”
There it is.
“I’m fine, baby. Don’t worry about me.”
“I can’t stop! I’m, like, literally half anxiety. And you’re doing a lot of driving and a lot of things that you need to have a sharp mind for. Your grades seem to be doing fine, but how long is that going to last? What if you slip up and get hurt? Or—or—or—”
“Thelia, slow down.”
She takes a deep breath.
“No, I mean hit the brakes. You’re too worked up to be going twenty over.”
“Oh, fuck.”
As the car slows, Athelia drags in a few more breaths, releasing them through her mouth. She’s gripping the steering wheel like the car will swerve to the side if she stops paying attention.
“Hey,” I say gently. “I promise I’ve got this, okay? You don’t need to worry. Besides, Wes and Kellan have my back.”
“Do you have theirs?” She sounds like she hates herself for asking. “Because I don’t want either of them to get hurt because you were supposed to be watching out for them but you couldn’t because you were too tired.”
“I have their backs. They’re my best friends. I wouldn’t put them in danger.”
“Right.” She nods, but her muscles are still tense. “Of course you wouldn’t let them get hurt.”
“If it makes you feel better, Char is going to be handing out fewer assignments for the next couple weeks. With finals coming up, she’s handing things off to other agents who aren’t in school still.”
“And after that?”
“After Christmas, I’ll slow down.”
“After Christmas?! Cal, that’s a month away. You can’t keep going like this!”
“I already told you I can handle it.” I keep my voice firm this time. It’s not up for negotiation. I did it last year and managed just fine.
“But—”
“No,Athelia.”
She purses her lips and glares at the road. Normally, Kellan and Wes are the ones who’re harsher with her. I’ve always been the softest. The protector—the feeler. But if Athelia doesn’t stop pestering me, then she’s not leaving me with a choice.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her after we sit in a tense silence for a few minutes. “I know you don’t like it, but that’s just how it has to be for right now.”
“Why?” she demands. “Why can’t you, Kellan, and Wes take an even amount of jobs? Why are you taking on more than they are?”
My hand turns into a fist on her lap. I don’t like talking about my family. Doing so causes the memories to haunt me for weeks afterward, which is why I’ve been trying to distract myself.
“Why, Cal?” Athelia asks again when I don’t answer.
“We’re not talking about it.”
She presses her lips together at the hardness in my voice. I don’t like upsetting her, but I can’t talk about this shit. I justcan’t.
“It’s just for the next—”
