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“Cal?” I say quietly, shutting the door behind me. I can barely make out his body curled up on his bed.
“I’d prefer not to be haunted,” he mumbles.
I can’t help my amused breath as I step up to his bed and turn on his lamp. “I’m not haunting you. Look at me.”
Slowly, Cal rolls over. When he sees me, he narrows his eyes.
“Hey,” I whisper.
But Cal just blinks a couple times, like he thinks I’ll disappear when his vision clears. He waves his hand in front of me before finally poking me. When his finger hits something solid, he shoots up. “Thelia?”
“The one and only.” I smile even as tears prick my eyes.
Cal is amess.He’s paler than normal, his hair needs trimmed, and I don’t think he’s changed his sheets since I left. Not to mention the usual spark that’s missing from his eyes.
“Thelia.”Cal stumbles to his feet and throws his arms around me. He crushes me to his chest and buries his face in my neck, inhaling deeply.
“Let me breathe,” I wheeze when he only holds me tighter.
“You came back.” His voice breaks as he grabs onto my shoulders to hold me at arms’ length. In an instant, his smile falls, and doubt creeps onto his features. “Wait. Why did you come back?”
“I…”
I don’t know.
Cal lets go of me and steps back. “Why are you here?”
The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I’m not sure if I should say. Does he know Kellan came and got me? It doesn’t seem like it.
“Are you back for good?” The hope in his voice is like an icy stab to the heart.
Fuck.What am I doing? My only thought earlier was that I don’t want Cal to die. But if I’m not planning on staying, am I only shoving him further into his downspiral by showing up and then leaving again?
“I’m not sure,” I say unsteadily. “I just…”
Shit. Shit, shit, shit. What am I supposed to say?
“You just what?” he asks, his eyes turning cold as stone in an instant. “If you’re here to toy with me, then get the fuck out.”
“I don’t want you to die,” I blurt. “But I don’t know if I can stay, either.”
He looks away, his shoulders sagging. “Kellan told you.”
I nod.
“So you’re not here because you missed us.” His words are steeped with disappointment. “You’re just here to assuage your guilt.”
“What? No! I’m here because I care about you.”
“Don’t lie to me,” he mutters, turning away and getting back into bed. “Just leave.”
“Cal! Ididmiss you. Is that what you want to hear? That I’ve been fucking miserable? That I can’t focus on school, that I’m terrified I made the worst mistake of my life, that I can’t even sleep anymore?”
He stares at the wall, but I watch him clench his jaw at the last part. Hurt or not, he still cares.
“Cal, I’m so—”
“Don’t,” he says, his voice strained. “Please don’t apologize.”
