Page 183 of Ruined


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“Why?”

“Because maybe if you don’t, it’ll finally feel like enough.”

What?

“Enough to what, Cal?”

“To deserve you again.” Dropping his head, Cal stares into his lap, and his next words are so quiet I almost miss them. “To deserve to live.”

“Cal… Cal, what do you mean?”

“You can’t tell me I deserve it,” he mumbles. “Not after what I’ve done. Who I’ve become.”

“What? No.” I fall onto the bed next to him and grab his hands, thankful when he doesn’t yank them away. “Your existence is enough. You deserve to live simply because youare.”

“That’s bullshit, and you know it.”

“It’s not,” I whisper. Despite my better judgment, I run my fingers through his hair. It’s greasy and longer than I’m used to, but I don’t care. I need to feel him, to know that he’s still alive. “Cal, I promise it’s not.”

“All I’ve done is wreck things,” he mumbles.

“What? Wreck things? Cal, what are you talking about?”

“My family. You.Us.Fuck, Thelia, I kill people for a living.”

“You didn’t wreck your family. Oh my god, Cal.” I frame his face with my hands and lift his head so he’s looking at me. When he told me about his family, he never once blamed himself. “You were a kid.”

“A kid who was never supposed to be born. Face it, Thelia. My life is a sorry accident that I should’ve ended years ago.”

“No. No! Cal, absolutely not. I don’t want to live in a world where you don’t exist. You—”

“You just don’t want to have me around, that’s all.”

“That’s… not true.”

“Yes, it is,” he yells, finally ripping away from me. “You said you lied. You said you never loved me, that it was all fake.”

“My lie was a lie,” I say weakly.How is he ever going to believe that?“I know that sounds stupid, but—”

Wes throws open thedoor and storms in. “Enough. I gave you a chance, Harper, but you’re done. Get the fuck out.”

My stomach sinks. He must’ve heard Cal yelling.

“No!” Cal grabs me and throws me farther on the bed, placing himself in between me and Wes. “You’re not taking her away from me.” He turns, his expression hopeful but scared. “What do you mean, your lie was a lie?”

My voice quivers as I say, “I mean I love you. When I said I didn’t, I lied.”

“To hurt us?”

I nod. “Cal, I’m sor—”

He claps his hand over my mouth. “Don’t you dare apologize. You and I both know that what you did is nothing compared to what we did to you.”

Kellan appears in the doorway. When he sees Cal up, relief fills his eyes. “C’mon, Wes. They’re fine.” He tugs on Wes’s arm, but he doesn’t budge.

“Cal,” Wes says, “you’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yes.” Cal is already gathering me up in his arms and pressing my body into his. “And you’re not taking her.”

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