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“Yes, please,” I stammer, although I don’t know how much difference that’ll make. She’s in a committed relationship, but she has a birth control implant, which should make it almost impossible for her to get pregnant. The morning after pills I took should have made getting pregnant almost impossible for me as well, but I can’t deny that the signs that the tests might be positive are overwhelming.
We take turns going into the bathroom. I feel ridiculous peeing into a small container and then dipping each strip into the warm liquid. I place the three tests on the countertop next to Ella’s and pour the rest of the pee in the toilet to flush it away. Then I wash my trembling hands.
Afterwards, it’s time for the waiting game. The instructions say wait 40 to 60 seconds, but just to be safe, Ella and I set the timer to three minutes. It’s the longest three minutes of my life. My heart is beating so frantically in my chest, I almost think it might just jump out, and my stomach keeps rumbling nervously, my body getting more chilled the longer we wait. When the timer goes off, I jump a little and Ella gives me a sympathetic smile.
“No matter what, I got you, Charlie. We’ll be fine.”
I nod my head and latch onto her words. We’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.I’llbe fine. We go to the bathroom and check the test strips. Three out of six have one thin line, and the remaining three have two thick colored lines…
“Oh,” I whisper faintly, swaying on my feet as a wave of dizziness hits me.
CHAPTER 9
CHARLIE
“Charlie!” Ella is standing next to me so she quickly grabs my shoulders with a small grunt. “Jesus, you scared me.”
I stare blankly at the test results, “Which one of us do you think is pregnant?” She doesn’t say anything, so I glance at her. We’re the exact same height, so I’m able to look right into her familiar eyes.
“Come on, let’s get you seated,” she says, twisting my body with hers and leading me out of the bathroom, which I suppose is answer enough. In an ironic twist, the terror I was feeling earlier is gone, leaving only numbness behind.
I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant. Maybe if I repeat it to myself enough, I’ll realize just how true that statement is. I glance down at my stomach, which I haven’t really noticed much difference in; but now that I’m looking at it with the knowledge that I'm pregnant, it looksrounderthan normal.
I take my hand out of Ella’s and lift up my shirt, turning this way and that to check out my belly. Itdoeslook bloated. I thought it might be the PMS puff before my period arrives, but it’s a baby in there?
My hand is noticeably shaking as I place it on my stomach. Now that I think about it, I’ve been a bit crampy lately. Again, I just assumed my period would arrive any day now, but I guess it’s a tiny little fetus securing its place in my uterus, where it will live for the next several months.
“I’m such an idiot.” I whisper. A baby is growing inside me and I didn’t know?
“You couldn’t have known, Charlotte. You haven’t had sex in months, and you had what you thought was your period, so how could you suspect a thing?” Ella says, rubbing a hand over my shoulder.
She knows me so well that she’s almost able to read my mind. Of course, now that I look back, I realize that wasn’t a real period, probably just implantation bleeding. And I haven’t had my period since. I’ve been so distracted that I didn’t realize how long it’s actually been.
Oh God, I’m pregnant. In nine months–no, more like six or seven–I’ll go to the hospital alone, then come home with a newborn. A whole human being who will be totally helpless and dependent onme. I couldn’t even take care of Mr. Hodges, my pet hedgehog. Mom had to take over with his meals and cleaning his cage, or the poor guy would have perished. Ugh, what’s wrong with me? What will I do with a baby?
“I’m a deep sleeper.”
Ella frowns at me not getting what I mean.
“I’m a deep sleeper, Ella. What if the baby wakes up hungry in the middle of the night, and its cries aren’t enough to wake me up? What if it just cries and cries and cries, and I don’t wake up?”
“You don’t have to think about that yet for months; besides, you’ll have me here with you, and you know I’m a light sleeper.” She is. Logically, I know Ella and Mom will be here to help me, but I feel like I won’t be able to do this.
The thought is causing me to panic. I can’t believe I let this happen: this poor child is stuck with me. Forever. I rub a protective hand over my stomach, knowing that for better or worse, we’re in this together now.
“Coffee. Am I even allowed to have any now?”
“You don’t even like coffee,” she points out patiently.
“I know I don’t like it, but there’s freedom in knowing I can have it anytime I want, and now I don’t even have that luxury. What else might I accidentally eat without knowing that it’s not allowed?” I’m being irrational. Grasping at different excuses why I can’t handle being pregnant, but it doesn’t really matter at this point. I already am. There’s nothing I can do about it but learn and try to be as healthy as I can be for this little soul inside me.
Ella clearly notices my increased breathing rate and glances down when I rub my stomach for the third time in the last minute. She rubs my back before pulling her phone from her back pocket.
“No more than 200 mg of caffeine per day,” she announces, looking up from her screen. “However much that is, but surely your one tea a day is safe.”
“What? How do you know that.”
“Google is going to be our best friend.”
