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She shakes her head. “Nothing, as per usual, just a slew of new people. I miss you being there. It made the time go by faster, but Jess and I have been talking a lot.”
I nod. “I’m glad you have a friend. It is a dreadful place, the chemical smell is nauseating and always gave me a headache.”
Marla sighs and takes a long drink from her glass of pop. “It’s such a fucking sham. I’m so sick of waiting. They are eventually just going to deem me unfit to be a member of society and take me to the back room.”
In a forceful motion, I leap from my seat and straddle the chair she is sitting on, tightly clutching the chair's wooden handles, located just above her head. “Don’t talk like that ever again. You are an amazing person. If I can swing it, I’m going to pull you from the program and get you professional help quicker.” I steal a glance from her before I press my lips to hers. She can’t leave me. No one will take her from me, and I will do whatever it takes to keep her here.
“You can’t do that unless you're making the big bucks. Even then they can still deem me unworthy.”
I know the consequences, but I have to do my best–do anything and everything to keep her here. “I haven’t had enough time with you, I need you, Marla. You are my heart outside my body, and I can’t live without you.” Her hand touches my cheek and I nuzzle against it. As heartless as I am, I can’t do anything without her here.
“I’ll do my best, I promise.” She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.
“Go up and have a bath. I’ll clean up here and come up to you.” I stand, letting her up and take care of the kitchen. Once I walk up the stairs, she’s already in bed. I strip down to my boxers and get in next to her.
“I’m sorry, I don’t feel like having sex,” she whispers. It breaks my heart, all the shit everyone else has caused her, the tragedy they’ve left in the folds of her mind.
“Never be sorry. You know I want you for more than that. I love you, Marla, through the good and the bad, through the light and the darkness. Always, from this life to the next.”
She rolls over and lays against my chest and I stroke her hair as she falls asleep. I wait a while for her to be in a deep sleep before I pull out from under her. Slipping out of bed, I grab my pants, put them on, and quietly leave the room.
Once I’m downstairs, I walk out to the shed. I’ve figured out the right way to design the metal. Earlier this week, I bought a gold bar. I’ve melted it and hammered it out. Waiting on the hot iron, I make scroll patterns when the gold becomes pliable and work on the ring itself. The other night while she slept, I measured her finger so it would fit perfectly.
The tooth is done with its finish, and I bond it to the centre of the design. After what feels like minutes of working on this, I realize it’s been a couple of hours. Time always gets away from me. I set everything in the tool room. I wish this room was bigger, but it’s what I work with for now.
When I leave the shed, I see her on the roof porch. She sits like a bird ready for flight, the swirls of smoke surrounding her.
“What were you doing?” she calls down. I climb the trellis on the side of the house, surprised it holds my weight, and pull myself up to sit beside her.
“Working on something special. What are you doing awake?”
“Couldn’t sleep. Woke up from a nightmare and you weren’t here, so I came out for a smoke.”
I grab one from the pack, light it, and put my arm around Marla, squeezing her to my body. “I don’t have to work tomorrow night. Do you want to do it then, or wait?”
“Tomorrow night sounds good. Do you think they’ll be all moved in by then?”
I think about it and nod. “Should be. It’s been a few days.” As we stub out our butts, she kisses the side of my face and scampers in through the open window. I watch her get into bed and am reminded of the many nights I stood outside my dove’s apartment and watched her live life without me.
“Come keep me warm,” she whispers, and I don’t hesitate a moment longer. Crawling through the window, I strip off my pants and get into bed next to Marla. The way her body curls around mine is something I adore. Jasmine fills my nose as she snuggles closer. If I could cut myself open to have her crawl inside my body, I would.
Twenty-Two
Marla
We’ve walked a long way to be in front of this fucking house again. Sebastian said it would be better on foot even though they don’t have neighbours for at least five kilometres on either side. “How do you know how to make it look likean accident?” I whisper as we get closer to the back entrance. There was always an open back door in the garage leading to the basement.
“I don’t, really. You know my speciality is draining bodies, not lighting things on fire,” he rasps back. He might be the world’s worst whisperer. “If we can get in the house, I will take it from there.” We enter through the back door and it’s unlocked. Karma is on my side.
The house is dark as we creep through the basement and up the stairs to the main floor. My muscles tense as soon as I walk through the door. My siblings have kept most of the god-awful collectables and knickknacks that were everywhere, boxes upon boxes line the living room. I walk down the hall and can barely make out my sister sleeping in my mother’s bedroom. Nausea rolls in my stomach. It hasn’t been long at all, and they’ve made it a home I’m not welcome in.
Just being inside the walls gives me anxiety. Flashbacks of a time when the house was filled with people, my mother shouting at me for everything I ever did and everything I would never be. Neither my brother nor my sister ever faced the wrath I did. They were always doted on, love expressed and unfortunately, they stood by Mother’s side until her bitter end. We should have been a family, they should have given a shit through the years and at least given me a crumb of hope for any sort of love.
As I watch Sebastian wander through the house, I think of ways to make this seem like it was totally an accident and not planned. When I remember the many candles that my mother kept in the China cupboard for decoration, I pull them out and place them around the living room. I put one on the end table where the curtains hang down too low, another by the arrangement of stuffed dolls she always kept which are creepy as hell. When I light the candles, the edge of the curtain catchesthe flame and I watch it grow, moving throw pillows closer to the curtains.
I stand there, looking out the back window, the woods black against the light of the inside of the house. “Marla, let’s go,” Sebastian rasps again. At this rate he will wake everyone.
At this moment, I am grateful for their hoarding ways as I hastily gather more items to feed the growing fire. We walk carefully down the stairs. I can't think of how to make it look like an accident in the basement but as Sebastian tugs at my hand, I have to assume he has a plan.
