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The Lovers
Amelia
“I’m so excited.” I clap my hands as Miles dishes up the fried rice.
“You know, I could’ve made you something fancy for your birthday.” He scoops some rice into a small bowl and turns to me.
“I know. But I didn’t want fancy. Your mom made that gorgeous cake last night and your dad cooked steaks on the grill. That was fancy enough. Tonight I wanted my favorite food.”
He stills when I say that. “My fried rice is your favorite food?”
Laughing, I stand up and walk around the counter to him, looping my arms around his shoulders. From her high chair, Emmie squeals with laughter.
“Yes.”
“But what about the burgers?”
“Those are a favorite comfort food for me, but all around, this is my favorite. You started making this for me when we were still figuring us out. Emmie wasn’t much bigger than a grain of rice herself. It comforted me. Not just because it tasted good and settled my stomach, but because you shared a piece of yourself with me. This simple dish will always mean so much to me because it’s one of the first ways you ever took care of me. And whenever you make it, it reminds me of how comforted and safe I felt when everything else was spinning out of control. For that reason, it is the perfect birthday meal. Plus, I can’t wait to feed it to Emmie for the first time. It’s been too long since we’ve had it.”
He blinks at me, then grabs my ass, pulling me closer as he crushes his lips into mine.
“I fucking love you,” he growls. “One more week, and you’re mine forever.”
I shrug and kiss his cheek. “I’ve always been yours.”
Then I wink and grab Emmie’s bowl of rice. “Hey, sweet girl, you ready for some yummy rice? This is our family dish right here. Daddy is the best cook.”
I slide her high chair over to the dining table as Miles walks over with two heaping bowls for us—and the gochujang chili sauce I love so much.
I look between the two of them. My two humans. The people on this earth I love more than I knew I could love anyone. I’m happy. Genuinely happy.
Not that life is perfectly happy, but allowing myself space to process and letting my heart heal has made a massive difference in my outlook on life. It’s been about six weeks since my mother’s stroke, and though she’s still recovering in some ways, she’s mostly leveled out at her new version of normal. She can speak more now than she first could, but it’s clear she’s had a cognitive decline. She has a harder time forming sentences, and sometimes it’s all nonsense, but she can say my name and Emmie’s name, and she smiles when she sees us, so I’m holding on to that. A wheelchair is how she gets around for the most part. Though she can walk with a walker, it’s a lot of work and rarely worth it. It’s hard to see her need so much more care now, but in some ways it’s a relief. There’s less fear of her falling or her not getting what she needs, since her care level is higher.
It’s been an emotional transition for me as I watch her become more of a shell of herself. So different from the woman she was five years ago. I’ve also focused on transitioning. Now that I don’t have to handle everything alone, I’m shifting away from being her caretaker and am allowing myself to be her daughter again, and that has healed me more than I expected. I’m also focused on living my life fully.
When thinking about all my mom has done in her life, it hit me how full it was. We spent years traveling around the world, but she had an adventurous life long before that. From traveling and going on activism trips with my dad before I was born, to going bungee jumping for her fortieth birthday, she was all about living life to the fullest. Sometimes that was seeking adventures, and others it was sitting around the table with Dad and me, cherishing every second of her time with us. That’s how I want to live too.
Reaching over the table, I wrap my hand around Miles’s. “This is what I wanted tonight. Celebrating, just the three of us.”
He flips his hand over, his palm wrapping around the underside of my arm. “Happy birthday, baby.”
Emmie squeals and slaps her tray, sending rice flying up in the air. Miles and I shake our heads and laugh.
This is the life.
“Have you decided what you want for your birthday yet? Where you want to go?”
When Miles asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I told him I wanted to take a trip. Not like our honeymoon—which will be a staycation, so we don’t have to leave Emmie for a week—but as a family.
There are many places I want to go, but with my mother’s condition, I don’t want to travel too far. Somewhere that’s only a couple of hours by plane would be my preference.
“I’m thinking Arizona. I want to explore the Sonoran Desert area. Experience the culture, enjoy the food, explore some national parks. What do you think?”
He gets that wide closed-mouth smile that has a bit of mischief to it. “That sounds fucking awesome. I’ll get with Amanda. She has so many travel hookups, I’m sure she can help us plan something great. When do you want to go?”
“Mm, after Rae and Aaron have the baby, but before the holidays. I should be able to get ahead on my school work so we could take a long weekend. Sometime in September or October? But not Halloween. I can’t wait to dress Emmie up as an adorable lady bug or pumpkin.”
He laughs. “I love seeing your joy. I love every version of you, but it warms my heart to see you comfortable like this, like you’re finally living in your own skin.”
