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“He raped you?” She tried not to sound too shocked, but Michael was talking so low it was just above a whisper, despite him being so close to her.
“Yeah. Told me if I wanted to fuck around with older people, it was going to be him since he let me in and helped me. He said he trusted me and that I betrayed him by messing around with her. He tied me up…” His voice shook and he looked up at the ceiling again. “And raped me. Then he beat me with a baseball bat. I blacked out. Woke up in the hospital. They say I was minutes from dying and somehow pulled through.”
“Where was your mom?”
“She showed up at the hospital but only stayed for a bit. She told me it was my fault. She said I was a lowlife who deserved whatever happened to me. They asked me over and over again who did it to me. They knew I had been raped. But I didn’t tell them. I knew he’d come back to finish the job if I had. I didn’t want him getting to Mitch. As a child, all I could think about was keeping him safe. I didn’t want him going through what I had. I got out and he was waiting for me. Groomed me. Gave me drugs and kept me high so I’d be dependent on him. I couldn’t pay him, so I was his private sex toy. It lasted for years until he got locked up for something else. That’s when I met Marilyn. I was dead inside. A hollow shell. I stayed high to keep numb from everything. Mitch followed me like a lost puppy dog.”
“Did he know about you getting raped?”
“Yes. He was in the room when it would happen. I’d cry… I’d yell out for my mom to help me. But she never came. She never did.”
“Mikey, I’m so sorry.” They had a common bond – both were sexually assaulted for years, hurting their mind, body, and soul. She absorbed his emotions, on the brink of crying, but she held it in. She had to be strong for him.
“I met Marilyn. We ran wild together. Fucking all day, using, and committing crimes to make our money for more drugs. I used her up in any way I could. I asserted dominance over her to make up for the pain I felt before. I never did anything she wouldn’t consent to. I didn’t want to stoop to his level. But honestly, there wasn’t a whole lot Marilyn wouldn’t do. Sex all day. So high we didn’t know where we were or who we were. Stealing, fighting, criminal activity at night to make our money for our next dose of whatever drugs we could afford or get our hands on.”
“What was your drug of choice?”
“Heroin. I never used a needle. Smoking and snorting were my thing. I’m glad for that. I’m lucky to be clean. No HIV, no sexually transmitted diseases, which is nothing short of a miracle with how careless I was. Though I know my body isn’t healthy from all the wear and tear on it. But you don’t ever have to worry about me spreading anything to you. We got blood tests in prison quite often, especially when released. Mine are all good.”
“I know you’d never put me in danger. I used heroin some, too. Snorted meth. I was like you. Anything I could afford or find. And I’m clean, too. I am religious about getting bloodwork done.”
“I was in and out of jail. A night here, a few days there. Charges rarely would stick. The cops all knew Marilyn and me. But then something happened…” He finally looked from the ceiling to her, his green eyes set hard on her. “I went out to get us a dose. I was gone for about an hour when I came back. I found her in bed with some guy I didn’t recognize. I lost it. Saw red. I beat him so badly that he almost died. I couldn’t think straight. I wanted to get so high that it’d kill me. I’d drift off into oblivion and away from my painful life. I only had one dose I was going to let her have. It wouldn’t have been enough, and I had no money. I went into a gas station and robbed it. Took anything I could find and ran. It all caught up with me. Aggravated assault, theft of property, and the rest is history. No short time in jail. Real time in the state pen.”
“How many years did you get?”
“Five. I’ve done four flat. I guess the parole board figured I could do that last year on the outside. I’m thankful for that, but it hasn’t been easy. You’ve really helped me. I think I would’ve already been sent back if it wasn’t for you.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “I’ve ruined you and you’ve saved me. Not a fair trade-off.”
“You didn’t ruin me, Mikey. You’re the only man I’ve found where I can be myself. Where I don’t freeze up when you’re near. You’re a good man. Look how far you’ve come.”
“I guess going to prison saved me. I got clean. Went to the prison school program and got my G.E.D. Made parole and got to meet you. I never was one to believe things happen for a reason but look where all the bad choices have led me.”
“Good way to look at it.” She ran her hand up his arm, resting her palm on his chest. His heartbeat was steady, thumping against her ear. “I’m not sure things happen for a reason, either, but I’m glad you came into my life. Even if all this is wrong… it feels right and I’m going to enjoy it. I just need to request one thing, Mikey.”
“Sure, what is it?”
“Please don’t break my heart. You’ve knocked down the walls around my heart and if it breaks over whatever this is, it might just kill me.”
He kissed the back of her hand. “I’m not going to break your heart, Haize. I promise.” His soft lips moved to her palm – it was a sensual gesture that made her want him immediately. “This isn’t wrong. We’re allowed to be happy. We have a lot in common. What’s wrong with being each other’s support?”
It was never recommended for two recovering addicts to be in a relationship, but she kept it to herself. To hell with the statistics. To hell with the suggestions. She was wildly attracted to him. She didn’t freeze up when he put his hands on her. It had to mean something. She couldn’t let it go.
“Thanks for sharing your story, Mikey. I know it wasn’t easy for you.”
“Same to you. Now we know. You know more about me than anyone else in my life.” He smoothed his hand down the side of her face and looked at the clock on the wall. “It’s two o’clock in the morning. I hope Rosie doesn’t show up at Mitch’s.”
She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. “I’m not ready for you to leave.”
“I’m not leaving.” He slid her on top of him, the sheet tight over her back. She straddled him, legs spread around his midsection. The sheet slid down, resting on the small of her back. She was still naked, hovering above him, the cold air nipping at her skin. She felt vulnerable, sexy, aroused, and nervous all at the same time, her legs spread wide, wet, and slick between her thighs, ready to take everything he had to offer.
“What do you have in mind, Mikey?”
He pulled her close – her breasts pushed into his chest. He kissed her deeply, tongue probing in and out, his arousal hard and thick against her stomach. “There’s only one reason to be up at two in the morning, Haize. Make love to me. Make love to me, Haize.”
Chapter Eighteen
Michael slid the sheet farther down, completely off their bodies. He was hard between her legs, grinding against her inner thigh. She moved with him, a deep guttural moan escaping from her throat as his hand parted her, his finger sliding inside. She was wet and ready, back arching as he slid a second finger in. She reached down and stroked him, up and down as his fingers danced against her throbbing walls.
His free hand found her breast, pinching her nipple as her hips bucked on top of him. She was so beautiful, so sensual, ready to take him. This was different than any other woman he’d been with. There were emotions wrapped into it. He wanted to see her happy. He wanted to see the pleasure she was feeling. There was no selfishness. This was for her.
