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But I can’t do that.
“Of course you did. That’s why you wanted to talk to me.” His voice is sullen yet resigned.
I drop my eyes. “I couldn’t think of anyone else who might have a reason. And I don’t think the shooter tried to kill Dani. Just Ben. So, it seemed too… purposeful to be a random act of violence.”
The argument still makes me pause, even if Pyotr’s shock and hurt are incredibly convincing. But then, what were he and Silvia talking about before I came in? It seemed like it might have something to do with me, something they didn’t want me to overhear.
“She was there?” Pyotr asks in horror, paling once again.
“Yes.” I could have inferred it based on the amount of blood she was covered in when I saw her that day. Not to mention the haunted look in her eye, one that comes from watching something as horrific as the violent death of someone you love.
But her words cut through my mind like a jagged shard, solidifying the cold, hard fact and turning my blood to ice once more, I watched my brother die right before my eyes, and I couldn’t do anything to save him.
“And after everything we’ve been through together, after all the years you’ve known me, you believed me capable of killing her brother? Not just someone I know is very important to Dani but someone I grew up with—who I think of as a brother, even if he stopped seeing me that way somewhere along the road?”
“Dani seemed so certain. And he did shoot at you and Silvia and Isla… It seemed more plausible after recent events, I guess.” Still, seeing the hurt on Pyotr’s face makes me more confident in his innocence.
Releasing another heavy sigh, Pyotr slouches in his chair. “You’ll speak to Dani for me?” He meets my eye with a silent plea. “Tell her I would never hurt her like that. Even if I wanted Ben dead, which I don’t.”
Swallowing hard, I can’t bring myself to respond.
“What?” he asks, his suspicion rising as I remain silent.
“She… doesn’t want to see me.” The torment of admitting it slices through me, reigniting the pain I thought I had grown numb to.
Pyotr’s eyebrows raise, and a deep sadness settles across his face. “Is she so mad at me that she won’t have anything to do with those associated with me?” His tone says he doesn’t believe her capable of that.
“She thought I knew about it and didn’t tell her.”
“Why would she think that?”
I shake my head. I don’t want to tell him it’s because of his gag order, but her words ring loudly in my ears, You said it yourself that it’s better if I don’t know some things. I never should have said anything. I should have managed my emotions and locked them safely away before coming home to her. Because Dani’s one of those perceptive people who can tell when something’s bothering me. I don’t have to say anything.
“Efrem, tell me,” Pyotr commands, using his authority as pakhan to demand the truth from me.
“She knew something was off the night I came home after the club girls were beheaded to send us a message….” I let the statement hang, waiting for Pyotr to catch up with me.
After a moment’s pause, regret tightens his features. “I told you not to say anything…” he breathes as the realization dawns on him.
“I handled it poorly,” I confess, chastising myself for being so careless. I wasn’t thinking. “I told her I couldn’t tell her everything about Veles business. And she thinks that means I learned about a plan to kill Ben and kept it from her.”
“Blyat!” Pyotr cusses. “This war is going to eat us from the inside out.” Rising from his chair, he grips my shoulder, his sharp gray gaze imploring. “Efrem. I’m sorry.”
The apology stuns me. As does the informal gesture. It’s genuine, remorseful, and far closer to the empathy one might find in a brother. He’s never shown me that level of compassion before. I’m his protector, his bodyguard. And though he’s always given me all the respect and appreciation I could ask for, the professional line between us has never wavered.
In an instant, it brings me back to Russia, to my own family, my brothers crying as the authorities came to cart me off to jail, my mother apologizing tearfully again and again for what I had to do to protect her. Sometimes, protecting the people I care about means giving up everything.
In Russia, I did it without hesitation, without a moment’s remorse, because my mother needed me, and my brothers needed my mother. And I would do the same for Pyotr. My life is his, and I would sacrifice my freedom, my body, my soul, anything I have to give in order to protect him.
But losing Dani? It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.
“I will make it right,” I vow. “Dani has to know the truth, even if she needs time to grieve before I can get through to her.”
“You’re a good man, Efrem,” he says solemnly. “I’m glad Dani has you. I love her like my own sister, and she deserves nothing less than an honorable man like you.”
Touched deeply by his words, I drop my gaze to the floor. “Thank you, gospodin,” I murmur.
17
