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From her point of view, he couldn’t disagree with anything she’d said. As soon as Clio had been physically healthy, Chance had concentrated on replacing what Hellfire had lost.
“I thought it was my responsibility. To rebuild what Hellfire had lost, to watch over my brothers. I’m the pres, and a sick prick got onto our land and blew it up. You are right; as long as you were physically okay, I thought everything was fine. I’d no idea you were struggling mentally or emotionally, and truthfully? I didn’t look at Clio. Fuck, you’re my entire world, you and the kids, and all I’ve felt is resentment that you woke up when Isla and Olivia came along. Now I see why they mean so much to you. They’re the dream you wanted to give me. A house full of kids,” Chance said.
He’d got everything wrong. There was no doubting how much he loved Clio, but he had neglected her and her needs. Chance had been so blinded by all his responsibilities he’d missed all the warning signs that had been there. And they had been present, clear as day. Now he looked back and realised Clio had been suffering from PTSD; she’d struggled alone. Chance would never forgive himself.
“That’s why you pushed the kids away. Some part of you realised you were ill,” Chance said, and Clio nodded.
“After Phoe’s visit, I was suicidal. If you hadn’t brought Isla and Olivia home—” Clio broke off as pain flashed across Chance’s face. “I felt I failed you and your dreams. But they were my dreams for you. You never claimed to want anything more than what you had. That was my problem, putting the onus on you when you never deserved it.”
“Don’t ever leave me,” Chance forced out as he fell to his knees in front of Clio. “I couldn’t stand it. I’d only be half a man. You’re my life, woman; everything about you I love even when I’m angry. I am so sorry I failed. Fuck, I should have seen how everything was building up. And I didn’t.”
Clio wrapped her arms around him as he held her tightly, almost as if she’d turn to mist in his arms. Chance buried his head in her throat and knew she felt the wetness of his tears. The thought of losing Clio turned him inside out. Fuckin’ PTSD. How the fuck had he missed the signs? A little voice inside told him easily. Clio was right. So much had gone on. It was no wonder that she’d broken.
Unlike Rage, their old ladies weren’t set up the same. While Clio and Tati or Clio and Thalia were close, Clio was used to dealing with shit alone. And so she had… until she couldn’t. And he’d nearly lost her. His life would have been empty, and he didn’t shy away from admitting that. His whole heart and soul belonged to Clio.
“How do I change going forward?” Chance muttered.
“By leaning on the inner circle. They are there for a reason. Bear is VP for a reason. You forgot their own strengths, Chance, and tried to handle everything alone. That’s not the way to lead Hellfire. Rage is strong because Drake delegates. It’s something you need to practise. That’s something I never forget. You held up Hellfire when you got clean and then reached out to Rage and helped Drake. But in doing so, you placed the world on your shoulders, Chance. That no longer needs to happen. Yes, you’re a leader, but delegate, use the strengths your brothers have,” Clio urged.
“Yeah, I see that. I’m so sorry, Clio; I’ll spend a lifetime making this up to you,” he muttered. He meant it. Chance would do anything possible to repair the damage he’d unwittingly caused.
“We need to communicate, Chance. Stop protecting me from the nasty side. I want to walk by your side, not behind you. My mind worries more when you hide things from me. I know there’s shit you can’t talk about, but there is stuff you can and don’t. This therapy and the medication I’m on have helped me. I’m strong, but you need to open your eyes and see that,” Clio said.
Chance lifted his face from her throat. His tears dried. He could do that. Chance would break his back to keep Clio and his kids happy. Everything Clio had been through had been laid out. The feelings and emotions that accompanied those events had been overwhelming for someone like Clio. She hadn’t been born into MC life like he had. And Chance had forgotten that. Never again. He’d not shut her out or shut her down, and he’d make more time for his family.
Clio sobbed as he realised he’d spoken aloud.
“That’s all I ever wanted. In return, I’ll tell you about the changes I’m making. Maybe over dinner tonight? I blackmailed Bear and Thalia into looking after the kids.” Clio smiled as tears shone in her eyes.
“You tell them we’ll be late?” Chance asked with a twinkle.
“Oh, most certainly!”
“Well, I think you guys have learned to be open with one another,” Janet said.
Clio turned a beaming smile on Janet as Chance took his seat once more.
“Clio has twice weekly sessions, which I’d like to keep up for another four weeks and then reassess. Meanwhile, Chance, I think it would be a good idea if you came to a meeting every fourth one,” Janet suggested.
Chance’s hand shot out and grabbed Clio’s.
“Whatever it takes, Janet,” he said.
They began to say their goodbyes when Janet asked Chance to remain a few more minutes.
Clio nodded and skipped out. Her whole aura seemed lighter.
“What?” Chance asked, still sitting.
“You need therapy too, Chance. Everything Clio has suffered, so have you. And while you may talk to your brothers, they are not trained to help you. You have your own form of PTSD. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if most of Hellfire did after that bomb attack,” Janet said.
“It wouldn’t be worth it, woman; there’s a lot I can’t talk about,” Chance demurred.
“Think again,” Janet said and pulled back her sleeve. Tattooed on her arm was a war hammer and a name. Crazy Dan.
Chance’s disbelieving eyes rose to hers.
“Doc Paul is my older brother. Dad kept my existence a secret because of who the War Hammers were fighting. Except I was discovered at eighteen and kidnapped. Dad and Paul rode to save me. That’s when Dad died. He brought down a dirty MC that was child trafficking. Those who escaped… Paul and I made pay, Chance.
