AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Well, because you had a meltdown in the middle of the common room where everyone could see and then shut down,” Phoe snapped. The disgust she felt at those actions was clear.
“I wonder why, oh, could it have been everything I’ve been through?” I retorted with anger in my voice.
“Grow up, Clio. Others have been through shit, too,” Phoe snarled. And that did it.
“So, you having a happy childhood, then marrying the man of your dreams, prepared you for your ex-husband? When you had your breakdown, was that okay because you’d had a good life before encountering abuse?”—Phoe opened her mouth—“No, you opened this can of worms; now you listen!” I ordered. “The fact you suffered years of abuse before escaping and then finding your path meant you’re excused from your breakdown? You grow up. You had a happy life until that asshole and then, when rid of him, continued a content existence. Sure, he kidnapped you and tortured you before you killed him, but what shit have you dealt with since?”
“My son was in a coma for nearly a year! The other needed a liver transplant. My daughter was taken by a serial killer!” Phoe growled.
“Yeah, well, I grew up in foster homes. Dumped because my parents were teenagers. Then I discovered I was one of five kids and had a twin. My twin was kidnapped and tortured, too. I’ve been dragged out of a moving car to save my life, seen a friend get shot, and worried about finding my siblings and Thalia’s subsequent kidnapping. I watched my husband lying under bodies screaming to get free to help his nephew and knew I couldn’t do anything. I lay in hospital, my child torn from me, unconscious and dying, and a good man had to make a hard decision to save me. You think of all the shit I’ve been through and tell me my breakdown was unjustified!” I yelled at her.
“It was!” Phoe shouted back.
“And you run a charity that deals with PTSD, and you didn’t recognise the signs in me! You were so busy looking down your nose at me and calling me weak you missed the signs completely! Yet you pride yourself on the Trusts. If you can’t see PTSD in someone close to you, you have no right to run those charities!” I continued yelling.
Phoe froze on the spot as she looked at me. I could see the wheels in her head turning.
“Yeah. PTSD. Janet diagnosed me. But you, the so-called expert, missed that and instead decided to threaten me with locking me up. Seriously? Would you say that to one of your army guys or one of those women or kids? Nah, you’d be all kind and caring, and yet your head old lady, you spat on. Instead of offering support, you made threats. And what state is the mind of someone who suffers PTSD in? All your threats did was make me spiral down faster and harder. That day Chance brought Isla and Olivia home… I was about to bite a bullet.
“There was no way I’d let anyone lock me up and stuff me full of drugs, and the only way out I could see was to kill myself. That’s what your threat did to me! Would you make such a threat to any client of the Trusts? No! But to me, it was okay to. You are so far up your own ass you believe your own hype. You’re not invincible nor infallible. Phoe, you fucked up so badly Chance would have become a widower. And you’d have gone merrily on your way, declaring that I wasn’t right for Chance and blah blah. You missed the signs of my PTSD, and I won’t forgive the cruel words you spoke to me that day!”
“PTSD?” Phoe mumbled, looking horrified.
“Yes. Official diagnosis. Not depression, anxiety, or anything else, although they form part of PTSD. I have PTSD!” I hissed.
“My God,” Phoe muttered. Her hand went to her chest, visibly shocked.
“Yeah, your God. Whatever. But you don’t get to come in here and tell me how I handled things was wrong. Nobody saw I was spiralling, and the signs were there. Instead, you all stood there, saying I was depressed and attention seeking and whatever other nasty shit left your lips. If I’d worn a uniform, you’d have treated me differently, Phoe. But you treated me with disdain and disregard. I tried to hold it together until I couldn’t. And I will owe Chance gratitude until my dying day for bringing Isla and Olivia home. Otherwise, he’d be taking my children to see my grave.”
“You ignored Lousia Mae and Dax,” Tati whispered.
I whipped around to face her.
“Which are classic signs of PTSD. Some lash out at their nearest and dearest, others retreat. Which Phoe knows. Judge me all you want, but none of you were there when I needed you. And I’m not talking about the breakdown; I am on about beforehand. When stuff kept happening, and no one said to me, ‘are you okay?’ ‘Are you coping?’ And why not? Because shit like that wasn’t accepted. Only seen as weakness. Well, I call bullshit on that. We all asked how Diesel and Rooster were and Fanatic. But nobody asked me! And I needed help as I struggled with all that had happened!” I yelled.
“I’m sorry,” Phoe said, her face white.
“You should be. Out of everyone, you were trained to recognise PTSD, and instead you ignored the symptoms and accused me of other shit. You. The Great and Wonderful Phoenix Michaelson. You ignored the fact I was showing signs. And I can forgive you that. There was so much going on. But I won’t ever forgive you for the threat you made that day. To lock me up for breaking under everything I’d suffered. Well, I clawed my way back to being balanced, fought for my sanity, and I take the medication Janet prescribes.
“But if it wasn’t for that wonderful woman, who knows what would have happened? Chance might have found me in time. But a bullet through the back of the brain is pretty much dead! Chance is carrying the weight of running Hellfire, making sure everyone is good, looking after his brothers, keeping his wife and kids safe. He was bound to miss things. But the rest of you… there’s no excuse,” I said, taking a deep breath in and calming down.
“I did not think,” Tati muttered.
“Again, nobody did. Not one person. My life didn’t prepare me for this shit as much as it was crappy. But I kept going… until one day, I couldn’t. I supported all the women who came in with their dramas and tried not to let it bury me. But with Madisen, it was the final straw. Fuckin’ mafia! I like Madisen and have welcomed her and spent time with her. But the fuckin’ mafia!”
“Clio… I’m lost for words. I am honestly so sorry,” Phoe replied, guilt written all over her face.
“I like you. But you’re human, and you are not the Goddess people make you out to be. Humans make mistakes. You made a mistake, and as I said, I can forgive that, but not the words you used. And I won’t ever. But I will move on and support you as we go forward, and I will not treat you differently than before. But maybe this is a wake-up call you needed. Because, no shit, you were starting to believe in the hype around you. Now you know you’re fallible and human. Which is a good thing. Maybe moving forward, before you jump to conclusions, you’ll think before acting and speaking,” I recommended.
“I will. That’s my promise to you, Clio. I won’t judge you like I did.” Phoe’s emotions soaked into her words.
“Great. Because next time, someone might eat a bullet,” I replied. While I felt sorry for Phoe as she blanched, I wasn’t going to let her slide on her words. I know what she’d been trying to do, and it had backfired terribly. It was no lie; I had been prepared to die. Chance had played a big role in how Phoe had reacted that day. I know how much she cared for him, but that was another subject that needed tackling.
“You need to realise, you might have known Chance first and loved him before me, but he is my husband and the love of my life. Your reactions in defending him were over the top and also interfered. With you two gossiping in the corner, you did even more damage because Chance wasn’t treating me normally. May I suggest in future you keep your nose out of our relationship? You are the third wheel in it, and you’re not welcome,” I said strongly. This was my chance to get it all out, and I planned to.
Phoe blanched.
“I won’t lose Chance because you’re jealous,” Phoe shot back, finding the strength in her voice.
