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“Wrong again. How would you like it if you felt as I had, but Drake kept turning to me? Instead of sitting down and discussing issues with you, he treated you like fine china and took his problems elsewhere? I am not jealous of you and never will be because I know Chance on a level you don’t. But I don’t want you stepping into my shoes when I feel overwhelmed, and that is precisely what you did.
“You are not my substitute. Chance and I connect and you should understand, because you do the same with Drake. But nobody would dare interfere with yours and Drake’s connection, so why the fuck do you think you have the right to stick your nose in with Chance and me? Your intentions may have been well-meaning, but they weren’t helpful, and again, you need to realise that. What right did you have to step into my shoes?” I demanded.
Both Tati and Phoe were pale now. My words were hitting home, and they were finally understanding the grief they had caused—and the damage.
“Chance still doesn’t turn to me. He turns to both of you. How is that right? Even though I am clearly stronger, he treats me like glass because both of you are there to be his sounding board. He’s asked you to check on me, and instead of telling him, no, do it yourself, you agreed, and here you stand. How the fuck can Chance and I move forward when you’re so eager to judge and step up? It makes me sick. Because as hard as I try, it’s not good enough when you two wait in the wings to perform the role that is mine!” I snapped.
They both blanched again. They were seeing things as I did. And they didn’t like it one bit. There hadn’t been two in my marriage since my breakdown, and they needed to step away and keep their noses out. Neither of them would stand for someone interfering in their relationship. So, back the heck out of mine!
“You’re right,” Tati said finally.
“I know I am,” I agreed.
“I can’t believe I let you down,” Phoe muttered.
“You did. But I also let myself down and didn’t reach out for support when I should have. Some part of me knew something was wrong, but the PTSD had a strong hold on me. I couldn’t break through. It’s something I’m gonna have to live with. PTSD is never really cured, but you learn. That’ll be my battle going forward. Recognising when I am spiralling and getting help. Your task is to make me see it if I don’t. The blame is not on your shoulders or mine. It’s on the pricks who want to destroy the goodness our club brings to the world.
“That goodness will never be snuffed out. Hellfire’s light won’t be dimmed by assholes looking to take it by force. But the club isn’t whole, and we need to be. Guilt needs to be laid aside, and we need to tighten our bonds,” I said.
“Like you making inroads with Diesel,” Tati replied.
I nodded at her. “Exactly. The fractures between Diesel and me needed healing, and we’ve started that process. Now, the club needs to heal completely. We’re not one hundred per cent okay. And we need to be. Hellfire can’t be worried about our internal battles when there’s a hell of an outside fight coming our way. Venomous Fangs are going to come. Fury will need to tear down what Drake and Chance have built. All our allies are our weaknesses because we will reply to a call for aid. And Fury knows that.
“But if we’re fractured, we’re easy to pick off. So Thanksgiving is a time for us to come together, say what bothers us, and get it out in the open. Then, we can say what we’re thankful for and start to heal properly. Instead of slapping bandages over it. If you want to support me with that, then stand with me when I announce that at the meal. But this I have covered and don’t need someone checking it over,” I said calmly.
“How about we don’t check it over, but we help you? Doing this alone and working and being a mum is hard work,” Phoe replied.
“I’m stepping down from the tearooms. I have found a manager for the day shift, which I currently cover, and I’ll go in once a week to check finances and everything else. But other than that, I shall be around to be Mom and Queen Bee,” I stated.
Both Phoe and Tati looked shocked.
“But you love it,” Tati declared.
“I do. But I love my husband, children, and Hellfire more. I won’t be fully stepping away and intend to keep an eye on the tearooms. But I am needed more elsewhere. I’m at peace with the decision, and it feels right in my bones. New old ladies are going to arrive, and with them, no doubt, drama will follow. So, I need to be there with them, any kids they might bring, and their men. This is my choice,” I said.
“It is a brave thing to do because that tearoom means the world to you. Any support I can give you, I will, even as a sister and not an old lady,” Phoe announced.
“And I will accept that as long as you respect my authority as Queen Bee. And I think it’s time we organised the old ladies like Phoe did with Rage, Tati. I would ask you to be my VP,” I said, offering an olive branch.
Tati looked stunned.
She gasped. “Over Thalia?”
“Yes. Thalia is my sister and my twin. We’d be at loggerheads within a week. I love my sister, but she didn’t have a life like we did. Thalia means well but doesn’t always understand the nuances of the club. You do. I do. Together, we could turn the old ladies of Hellfire into a force to be reckoned with,” I said.
“I’d like that,” Tati replied as Phoe nodded in approval.
“But no running to Chance to report on me. We need to stop this thing of spying on one another and ensure Hellfire is a safe place so that anyone can be open about a problem. I’m done with being treated with kid gloves.”
“So I see. Can we help, lady, or what?” Phoe demanded with a smile.
“Help, not interfere!” I warned, and Phoe laughed.
That had gone better than I expected.
Now, I had to challenge my husband and open his eyes. I was stronger and balanced and perfectly capable of being his old lady. Even if I had to tie him to the bed and fuck his brains out so he couldn’t think anymore, it would be worth it. Chance needed to come back to me because, without him, I had nothing but my children. And nothing else mattered. Just my family.
Chapter Three.
