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“Huh.” I fire another plastic smile at him from my built-up arsenal. It’s my way of giving Cole a thousand middle fingers
“Enough with the fake smile!” he says. “Just be real with me for ten minutes.”
I tilt my head. “It doesn’t work like that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not a freaking vending machine. I’m a person.”
He grits his teeth. “Sav, I know that. I’m just asking you to let your guard down for a minute. You know you don’t feel like smiling right now.”
“Don’t tell me what I feel.” My hands curl into fists and I squeeze them. “I think we’re having this entire discussion because of your feelings. Or lack of feelings. Stop trying to have a big blow-up fight with me.”
Cole grabs my hand, yanking me close and staring down into my eyes.
“I don’t want conflict, Sav.”
My breath leaves my mouth in small puffs that are visible in the frosty air.
“No?” I ask.
“No. I just need to know that there is something worth struggling over.”
My smile fades a little.
“To be clear, though. You still plan on moving to London for a few years at least.”
He hesitates then nods. “Probably, yeah.”
“So you want to hear how much I’ve invested in this relationship. But at the same time, you still have your finger on the panic button. If we have a bad fight, you could just call up your London contacts and vanish in a weeks’ time. That’s what you want me to live with?”
Cole laces his fingers with mine. His eyes never leave my face.
“You would have to trust me. We could work something out.”
I smile at him. “But only until you get tired of me. Right?”
“Not exactly.”
My head hurts. I feel like Cole is shredding my heart and leaving little chunks of it in my chest for me to survive off of.
I offer him my brightest smile. He knows what I’m going to say before I even get the words out.
“Maybe this offer is a compelling reason for both of us to bail out.”
He pulls me close, lowering his lips to mine. Sealing my mouth to his, he kisses me. I want nothing more than to kiss him back and make this work.
But if Cole still plans to leave, I can’t actually see the point of it. I would just be more deeply involved when he hits the eject button and jumps out of the plane.
I can’t do it.
Putting up a hand against his chest, I gently push him back. Cole’s eyes search my face.
He looks lonely and hungry, just like he did the first time we kissed. There is a newer, darker shimmer in his eyes. But I don’t know how to give it a name.
“Cole, this is a terrible idea,” I say softly. “If we aren’t willing to do this right, we should just walk away. It may hurt now, but imagine how hard it would be if we had to do it a year from now. Or five years. I’m pretty sure it would kill me.”
Cole brushes a lock of my hair out of my face. “I think I’m in love with you.”
