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My stomach flip flops and the ache I feel inside my chest hurts so damn bad. Hot tears crowd the corners of my eyes and I can feel a tear slip down my cheek.
Too little, too late. I shake my head.
“I think I love you too.”
He looks at me, stunned. “You’re crying.”
Shaking my head, I laugh and wipe away the tears. “My mom always said that little girls should be cleaner than sunshine and sweeter than honey. I am trying my damnedest to stay clean and sweet for you. You get my drift?”
“Ah, Sav.” His voice is choked with emotion. “You don’t have to be any kind of way to impress me. You’re one of a kind, you know that?”
He cups my cheek. I turn my head and kiss his palm. Then I feel another treacherous tear falling down my cheek.
Sucking in a deep breath for strength, I step away from Cole.
“I think this has to be goodbye.” I offer him a shaky smile. “I can’t work with you anymore. I know I’ll see you at the play, if you and Charlie are still around next week. But I’ll ask you to keep your distance.”
“Sav—”
“No! You lied. Several times, you lied. About things that would affect me very deeply. I am hurting. And you making overtures to try to keep me for a little bit longer is not going to cut it. You realize that you’re treating me like garbage, right?”
Cole looks completely stunned. His cheeks flush and he seems unsure how to respond.
“I’m sorry, Savannah.”
“You should be.” Tears gather in my eyes. “You hurt me, Cole. Cut me to the quick.”
“Is there anything I can say that will change your mind?”
I shake my head slowly. “Not unless you can promise me more than vague maybes and nebulous tomorrows.”
Cole looks gut-shot. He eyes me for a minute and I swear I see a sheen of tears in his eyes. “What would you have me do?”
I throw up my hands, aggravated.
“Be an adult. Say goodbye. Promise me you’re going to pay me what you owe me.”
He chuckles and it’s the saddest goddamned sound. “Don’t worry. I’ll pay you out like I promised. I know you want to move out of your Grandad’s place.”
I wrinkle my brow and try to play it off like everything is okay. “Good luck in London. Mind the gap, or whatever it is they say.”
Cole reaches out to me. Then he thinks better of it, clenches his fist, and shoves his hand in his pocket.
“Bye, Sav.”
I turn and walk back home, my tears flowing freely, my heart feeling strangely numb.
36
Cole
I get out of my car, cursing as I catch my jacket on the seat belt. Winding myself up, I slam my car door. The day is overcast, but somehow bright, and it’s irritating me.
Just decide whether or not to rain, I think furiously. The rest of the world makes much harder decisions every single day.
As I stomp toward the marina entrance, River watches me with a raised eyebrow. He opens his mouth to say something, but I just throw up a hand.
“Save it.”
