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I suppose I should thank Satish in a sense because on my 18th I was given a gift. If that is what you could call it. That day I was granted clarity. Clarity that I would forever be at the mercy of my brother. Sometimes accepting your fate is better than fighting against it.
Nova exhales, the sound a wheeze in the darkest pits of our mind. Nova slips, her control warning me to be careful. I am allowed to come forward, so I know I must be in the basement.
I need to blink a couple of times until my eyes adjust to the ability to see for myself all over again. Every time, I feel like I am waking up after sleeping for years and have forgotten how to use my muscles.
I peer out into the darkness and gaze out into what looks like total oblivion, a never-ending void. Straining my ears, I listen. First, I hear the sound of distant footsteps on the floorboards upstairs. There is also a sound that reminds me of a TV playing upstairs, but I’m not entirely sure because I haven’t seen one for god knows how long. I’ve forgotten what most everyday objects look like.
Sighing, I lean back against the mesh. My trembling hands trail over my body, and I feel the slickness of wounds that run deep. They’re deeper than many we have had before. I scrunch up my face at the stench of blood in the air. I can feel the taste of it on my tongue - coppery and metallic, along with a hint of soap. A whimper escapes me. What did they do to her? Do to me?
“Nova?” I whisper into the darkness. I’m scared to ask, but I want to know the answers to questions that run through my mind. If I don’t, they will haunt me and eventually drive me insane.
“Leave her! She has endured enough for you already!” Shadows snaps at me in a venomous tone, and my head turns at the sound of her voice. I look to the corner of the basement where her cage is.
She rarely speaks, but when she does, it is usually to sneer at how weak I am. Another aggressive reminder of how I don’t deserve anything good, don’t even deserve my wolf. And even if she doesn’t say those exact words, she makes sure to emphasize the meaning behind the few she spits so I understand how much she hates me.
If I let my wolf take my punishments, she thinks I’m weak, if I do take them, she thinks my screams make me weak. I’m an abomination, she likes to tell me. A freak of nature. Cruel to allow Nova to have control, little does she know I never get the choice. Nova is stronger than me, she always has been. She’s strong until she isn’t. Like right now.
However, Shadow also knows that it is not by choice, she sees me struggle with my wolf, she witnesses how Nova controls me. She is here, with us, to watch how hard I try to take control, how I do everything in my power to take Nova’s place.
Nova always overpowers me, I have no choice but to sit in the silence of my head, or sometimes, sit in the darkness and listen to her screams while feeling her second hand pain.
Other times, I listen to Shadow screaming at them to leave me alone. They never do, but this time I am determined to remain forward. I won’t move aside even if Nova tries to push me back into hiding.
Maybe I can plead with my brother to allow me freedom. Even just for a few seconds, to smell fresh air and feel the sunlight on my skin. My limbs hurt, this cage is far too small. Seven years is a long time to be trapped in here.
The cage didn’t grow with me over the years, but no one cares about that. The walls just closed in more and my clothes grew too tight. Despite the fact that I can feel my bones, there isn’t enough fabric to cover me fully, to keep me warm and decent. Eventually even my clothes turned to tatters and left me bare and exposed.
I must be a grotesque sight to see. Sometimes, I wonder if I resemble mom or dad more. I wonder what the image might be, if I were to see my reflection in a mirror. The reflection is what confuses me the most. Would there be a girl with a broken smile or a soulless woman? Would she recognize me as her, or deny that we are the same person as she stares back at me?
“Shadow?” I sing out into the darkness.
“No, need to yell, I am right here!” she snaps, and I turn my head to look in the corner of the basement. Her eyes reflect back at me, but that is all I can tell of her features, those red glowing pits of anger reflect oddly back at me, she watches me back and growls. I avert my gaze, unable to take her judging eyes.
ChapterThree
Temperance
“Did he take Nova out of the cage?” I ask her, knowing what that means. It makes my skin itch. I know the answer, but I hope she tells me differently.
“Yes, he said he would be back for me later,” she tells me with a whimper. I sigh, that would explain the blood, and the scent of lingering soap. He always hosed me down before putting me back in the cage. Yet she never tells me what he does with her. I have a faint idea from the voices and the vulgar comments of men I vaguely hear; or by the throbbing pain that sits between my legs and the handprints I can still feel on my thighs and hips. The stickiness that doesn’t quite leave my skin; I know it is nothing good.
My body always feels sore and aches, sometimes my scalp hurts, sometimes everything does. Sitting in the darkness, I listen to the TV above, trying to picture the faces of the voices and listening to the story they speak. In the dark for so long, you develop a great imagination, yet that swings both ways. Sometimes what I hear, I don’t want to imagine. But my mind conjures it up anyway.
Hearing the TV cut off, I have no idea how much time has passed. Time isn’t exactly something I can keep up with. The passing of time is as lost to me as hope. All I know is darkness and darker darkness when Nova locks me away. Heavy footsteps sound above, and I turn my head, clutching the mesh, searching the vast cold space.
The sound of the door handle twisting makes me scoot back, then the heavy sounds of footsteps on the old, creaky stairs make my heart beat faster.
“Nova!” I hiss, but she is too weak, and I gulp as my brother comes closer. I can tell he is closer because of his scent, and the deadly aura radiating out of him, encasing me with fear so strong I can scent it in the air.
“Shadow you’re up!” Satish’s deep, cruel voice orders. Shadow snarls loudly, and I turn my head to look at her.
“Now! Or I can take it out on Temperance! Is that what you want? To listen to her scream?” He snaps, and a lump forms in my throat at the threat as I tug on Nova. But whatever he did, he hurt her badly. I can feel how weak she is. She tries to get up and take the reins, but I know she can’t endure another round.
“It’s okay, Nova. Rest,” I urge. Still, she fights to force the barrier in place, but I push back, I can survive whatever he throws at me if she can. For her, I will be strong just as she is for me.
“What will it be?” Satish snarls at Shadow. His features are obscured as I peer out of the cage, the only thing I can smell is his cologne and his heady wolf scent.
“Very well then!” Satish snaps kicking my cage, and I jump as he crouches in front of me.
