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Sam shook his head as though he couldn’t deal with her ridiculousness.
“What? My grandpa would always take me to get a milkshake when I’d had a rough day and that’s exactly what today has been.”
When their drinks arrived, Sam poured sugar into his coffee while Luna plucked the Maraschino cherry from the whipped cream and set it aside on a napkin.
“You don’t eat the cherry?” He winced after sipping his coffee and added more sugar.
“I don’t like them, but I do love extra whipped cream.” She slipped a generous spoonful of the dessert into her mouth. “Milkshakes are the Red Cross of food. They always make you feel better in a bad situation.”
“Unless you’re lactose intolerant,” Sam said. “Then it would be the opposite.”
She smiled. “Yeah, except that part. I’ll have to rethink that one. Did your dad used to take you guys to get milkshakes when you were kids?”
“I’m sure he did but I can’t remember anything specifically.” His eyes lifted to her. “Do you have siblings?”
For the first time, she wasn’t sure how to answer the question. Sunny and Skylar might technically be her sisters, but they were also strangers. Real sisterly relationships were one more thing her mother kept from her.
She shrugged, deciding to keep things simple. “Ross is the closest thing I have to a sibling.”
“Nate and I were a couple years apart. He was younger than me, but we were really close.” Sam stared into the depths of his cup as though it was the only thing existing in his world. “We would sometimes get ourselves into trouble but we always managed to talk our way out. My birthday is at the end of May and his was the beginning of June so we’d even celebrate our birthdays together.
“He was a great storyteller. We could go to any party, not know a soul, and it would take Nate five minutes to have a new group of friends. There was always a story to weave or exaggerate…mostly exaggerate.” A smile slipped across his face as though he was remembering a story in particular.
“On his twenty-first birthday, of course, a big group of us were going to take him out drinking. It wasn’t like he hadn’t already been drinking before then, and I was quite proficient at the activity myself, but it was his first year being legal and it was his God-given right to get wasted. As the older brother, who had already had his twenty-first birthday celebration, I reluctantly promised my parents I would be the responsible one, watch out for my brother, and be the designated driver. I didn’t keep my promise.”
Sam swallowed hard. It took several moments before he continued, his voice flat and choking on misery. “In fact, I kept sneaking drinks all night. I had a great fucking time. So much so I ended up passing out. But when one of us failed, the other stepped right in to cover, and while my brother was doing better than me…it wasn’t enough.”
The muscles worked over his jawline. “I was stuffed into the back seat and my brother had taken the wheel. They found us on the 50, hanging off the embankment. My brother had hit a deer and lost control. I woke up three days later in the hospital. Nate wasn’t so lucky. Maybe if I had been conscious—if I could have gotten us help sooner, he would have had a chance.
“And this isn’t to shift blame to Nate, to make him the villain of this story. I won’t make any excuses. He made a mistake. He shouldn’t have done it. He should have called our parents, gotten a ride from somewhere else, left me facedown in that bar and taken care of himself. It doesn’t matter. I’m still the villain here, because he was just looking out for me, and I couldn’t do the same for him. I’m the one who failed, who made the bad decision. I failed my brother, my family, everyone. But the problem withtoo lateis that you usually don’t get any warning when it’s going to happen. It just happens.”
Luna hadn’t moved a muscle while he talked. Enjoying her chocolate milkshake while hearing the tragic tale of the Sunderland brothers now seemed inappropriate. She let it melt in its glass. She didn’t know what to think, because it all sucked, all of it. She’d have to face the fact that she’d never been so wrong about a person, and she had treated him horribly because of it.
“If you think it doesn’t change anything, why are you telling me?” she asked.
Sam kept his eyes glued to his coffee mug. “I don’t know. I guess, if you’re going to hate me, you might as well know the real truth behind it.”
“I don’t hate you.”
Maybe it was the obligation she owed him for rescuing her. Or maybe it was because he’d been willing to crack himself open to her. He hadn’t tried to lie or pass the blame. Sam gave it to her straight, brutal truth and all.
“I don’t hate you,” she repeated in the hopes he’d believe her words. “I’m…I’m sorry I hurt you. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. At the fair, I—My friend, Tessa… Well, we’re not really friends anymore. We used to be best friends.”
Luna took a breath. If he could be brave, so could she. “The reason we aren’t friends anymore is my fault. We’d always talked about leaving Placerville together and doing big things. But neither one of our situations really allowed for it and after high school, it seemed like maybe we were just going to stay here, which wasn’t too bad because we still had each other.
“But, then, I got into college. I was going to Chico, and while it wasn’t a glamorous way to experience the world at large because…well, it’s still in California, it’s like our plan was back on. And Tessa was a hair stylist, which she could do anywhere, so it made this venture outside of Placerville a little less scary because I’d be doing it with her. Except she had changed her mind and wanted to stay. She abandoned our plan, and it felt like she was abandoning me. And I knew this wasn’t fair because she had every right to live her life like she wanted, but I was so mad, I said a lot of mean things, including that she wasn’t a good friend and I hoped I’d make better ones at college.
“And it all came to bite me in the ass because here I am back in Placerville, and I could really use a good friend like Tessa but my big mouth ruined it, just like what always happens. I’m the one causing people to leave.”
Luna had been picking at her napkin when Sam slid his hand across the table, palm side up. She tentatively laid her hand in his. They were rough but warm. He swept his thumb across her knuckles, and the sweet gesture almost brought tears to her eyes again.
“You won’t know if it’s too late until you try. If you apologize to Tessa, then you can’t be too bad of a person. There’s still hope for you,” he said.
“Do you think there’s hope for you?” Was the question rude? She never knew when she’d pushed things too far. Luna wanted hope for Sam, and to also hold him as he had done for her earlier in the day, so he could feel that things might be okay. It was clear they both needed this reassurance. If they could give it to each other, what was wrong with that?
He frowned. “I don’t know. Is there hope for me, Luna?”
She wasn’t sure how to answer him, deciding to shift directions instead. “What color door do you want someday?”
